Page 52 of Paddy

“Not gonna lie, that shite sounds crazy. A man would lose an eye evenlookingat my wife. I wouldn't have the strength to letanother man touch her. But if you say the man's gay, I mean, I guess it means their marriage ain't really happy. Lasses, they need things like attention and compliments. I can't imagine he's doing much of that if he knows, and is content with you shagging her,” Cillian said, which, I had to say surprised me. I thought that he would be the hardest on me, but it's why I didn't leave out any details. It's easy to judge just thinking we were out just being irresponsible.

“Congratulations. You've reached a newlevelof degeneracy. No one's topping this story for a while,” Tadhg added. Another surprise, since he was never one for joking.

“You know I'm going to ask right?” Bell slapped me another time to the chest, as he adjusted on the love seat to face me.

“What's it like being with a gorgeous thing like that? Bet her figure is mad,” he ended with a laugh and a last sip to his beer.

“You know, I have to say, it's like everything you said it would be. But truthfully, you didn't prepare me for the impact when a lass her size knows how to ride you. It's a good kind of surprise, but I wasn't expecting it,” I joked.

“But no really, she's older, confident. Ain't no guessing with her because she knows what she wants. All this time, I've been chasing younger tail, when I should have had my eyes on the older ones. I guess I'm bringing it up because I fancy her. Like properly. And I guess I'm curious to know how do you know when it's love?” I'd been asking myself that for hours now, perhaps even sitting on it for days. The way Pretty made me feel inside, almost felt too good to be true.

I thought I'd known what it felt like before her, but in truth, it had all just felt like practice, because a past love never motivated me to want to be a better partner. Catering to all her wants and needs instead of focusing on my own. It honored me to show up for her, and honestly, I loved how she had both faith and trustin me. She was a big girl, she didn't need a man making all her decisions for her, yet she took pride in letting me guide her.

Bellamy teased me with a shake to the shoulders, making me regret even being vulnerable because he was childish when he had something he could tease you for. Once he got done with his bantering, the three of us looked to Cillian. Because if anyone knew what it was like to truly love someone, it was the only one of us who washappilymarried. Heavy on the happily.

“What you all staring at me for?”

“I shouldn't have to say it,” Tadhg started. “But you're the only one of us who's held a long-term relationship. Being older doesn't mean we automatically have the expertise on that. And plus, you're good at being married. You keep spitting out little ones. You got to be doing something right,” Tadhg finished.

“Yeah, more like a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I can't really tell you how to tell if it's love. I can only really tell you what it's like for me,” he said, and when he didn't follow up, I gave him shove.

“Well, don't keep us in suspense.” He leaned forward in his chair, resting his forearms on the top of his thighs as he clasped his fingers.

“I don't know, I guess it starts with the small things. Before, I wouldn't even notice if a woman went from a brunette to a blonde, because there was no real infatuation with the others. But I look at Queenie, and I'll notice even a stray eyelash on her cheek. You spend your whole life thinking about ways to make her smile and laugh, even if you find her laugh kind of annoying. I hate when she warms her cold feet on me, but I like that we have to be closer for her to do so. The things that would normally bother you, you accept because it's her. You tell yourself that she's perfect, but in reality, she's flawed, and in your eyes, that's your version of perfect. You find yourself randomly staring. Wondering how you got so lucky. Or at least that's how it is forme. Do you really think you love her?” At first, I struggled with the thought, taking a moment to let his words sink in.

“Yeah…yeah. I think I might be. It's this damn curse. I gave into the darkness and let it take over. And then there's the case of her son. He's a good kid. I'm afraid I've already grown attached to him,” I admitted, imagining how easy it would be to step in and be his stepfather. Hell, Pa raised me and I wasn't his. Maybe that's why I felt so close to Elijah.

“Not gonna lie, it would make me uncomfortable to see some other men raising my kids, but I trust that your situation is different. I just hope you and her husband are on the same page.”

Truthfully, I didn’t have a clue how Vernon would feel about that. On one hand, he was barely around, on the other, I knew I had to tread lightly becausehewas his birth father. My Pa never gave mine a choice.

The sound of soft knocking filled the garage, and not long after, Pretty and Elijah came peeking in with questions on when we were heading out.

“Lads, it's been grand talking to you, but looks like I'm being summoned. See you all on Sunday at Cilly’s.” Cillian looked toward Pretty, offering a small wave.

“Hope we see you and Elijah there too. And feel free to bring some of that brown stew chicken. My wife really liked that, and she’s a picky eater this far along.”

Twenty-Three

Pretty

“And that's a wrap,” Dorothea, my lead producer said from the other side of the glass. To limit traveling, we invested in a home studio, something I didn't regret as long travels were really stressful, and that stress affected my voice. I certainly appreciated when I could get the work done here. Dorothea had had a team of all women, something that was a rarity in this industry, women I had to really fight for to work with.

I’d worked with countless others, but there was always something about the magic we all made together that made the music we were making something to be proud of. They always worked wonders on polishing up those finishing touches. I exited the booth, swaying to the playback of the song I was most proud of.Sweet Girl. I don't even have to ask myself who inspired that one.

“I think that might be your next hit record. Don’t know what's new with you, but we're loving the new sound. For months you've been struggling to find your voice back, and then you hit us withthis. Something's got to be up with you. Anddon'tsay it's a new wardrobe or diet. I already do enough of that andnothing gets me out of my ruts,” Dorothea managed to say in one breath.

It was true. Up until a few weeks ago, I was going back and forth frustrated that the good stuff just wasn't coming. But then a certain someone entered my life, and I just felt alive again.

“Honestly, I think it's because I bit the bullet and hired a nanny. Because of him, I have more time. I'm sleeping better, I'm worrying less. I didn't know how helpful it would be to let someone take care of things. The admiration and support of a good man don’t hurt either.” Of course, I left out that thatmanwas my nanny/bodyguard, but they didn't need to know that, so long as our work together was on the path of getting finalized.

“Don't you have that show coming up at the concert hall?” My eyes widened to saucers, wondering how I let that slip my mind. I've been working so hard on the music that sometimes it was easy to lose sight of the performing side of things. Especially when I didn't have my manager around to remind me.

“That's right. Ugh! I don't know where I'm going to find a dress so last minute,” I said, but thought better of it when I remembered Paddy's sister was a seamstress and dressmaker. I wonder if she took rush orders. Trusting the team to finish up, I excused myself, searching around the whole house for Paddy and Elijah. When I couldn't find them, I figured I might try the roof, since Paddy had gotten better with letting me know when he was taking my son out of the house.

Low and behold, that’s where I found them. Elijah was tossing a ball around and Paddy was on the other side wearing a catching mitt, catching them. It always put a smile on my face that nothing about his relationship seemed forced with Elijah. Granted, it did help that they had interests that mutually aligned enough to bond, but even the things Paddy didn’t naturally enjoy, he at least pretended for the sake of Elijah. It was hardbelieving he didn't grow up with a nurturing father, because I was certain he’d be a great one.

“Hope I'm not interrupting anything.” Elijah approached me to offer me a hug, as Paddy strolled over in a relaxed stride. He was wearing all black, his mock neck sweater gripping all of those muscles like a wicked good dessert, and his light hair was styled like a prince. Maybe a dark prince was more like it, but he still looked delectable. Especially doing something absolutely ordinary.

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