Page 5 of Paddy

Nathan Moore was the brother that I chose. Nothing could replace my brothers by blood, but there were parts of me theynever understand. I also hadn’t taken what he did for me back then lightly. Man saved my life.

“Well, you look like you're taking care of yourself,” I remarked, with a playful hit to the chest. Given our past, I treaded lightly when it came to compliments. He and I had different…tastes. He knew what I liked. I knew what he liked, and they didn't align, so I didn't want him to feel led on.

Don't ask, don't tell approach. It's not like I was uncomfortable, I just didn't know how to navigate conversations around the topic. Plus, it didn't matter to me who he was attracted to. I'd seen lesser men behave like sissies, so it didn't take being into women to be a great man. I honestly hadn't met someone braver.

“Got to. I ain't got a successful family to go back home to,” he joked.

“You don't need anything to do you? Because if you need something, it's not an issue?—”

“Actually, I'm doing okay. Just got back from some back to back Hollywood gigs that paid well.” As the word Hollywood certainly struck a nerve.

Being an enforcer meant I took on contract jobs from time to time. Every time I wanted to clear my head, I'd hop on a bus and let it take me nowhere. But when I wanted to make some money, I'd hitch it to LA.

After the last time, I'd decided I had enough of it. Most of all, I had had enough of women and their bullshit.

“How’s family?” Moore took a large gulp from his stout.

When I put my mug down, evenIsaid the next statement in disbelief. “That's actually one of the reasons I came back. Remember the brother I told you about?”

“The one locked up?”

“Well, he got out. Even married a Black woman. A nice looking one too. Can't stop knocking her up,” I joked.

“What about you? You got any little ones running around?” he asked playfully hitting me in the shoulder.

“Heh. Probably ain't in the cards for me, Moore.” Every time I thought about fatherhood, I was reminded of my own father. Oisín claimed he was never really sure, but too many factors pointed that there was truth to what he revealed.

If I had kids, I wouldn't be passing down Sullivan blood, not really. The fact I even got the curse was still a shock to me. But like love, kids weren’t a card I'd plan on pulling out.Ever. They both could stay in the deck for all I cared.

Maybe if I wasn't deformed, it'd be different. But that was my reality.

“What about you?” I asked, not wanting to assume he hadn't planned on it himself.

“I don't know.” He shook his head in slight shame. “Seems like people like me only got one route to get you there. From the outside looking in, it don’t seem like a happy one.”

“Maybe we're just the lucky ones,” I faked a smile. “All those expectations seem exhausting.”

Cillian for as much of a blockhead as he was, he made that shit look easy. Already had a litter of lovable brats he never rose a hand to.

It was almost uncomfortable seeing someone I'd once found so immature become a man before my very eyes. Made me feel like I could never measure up to that. At least not in any way that mattered.

“Well, I'm gonna head back to my hotel. I'm sure you got things to do but it was nice catching up.”

“Yeah, you too. Don't let so many years go by without reaching out. It was really good catching up.” As we stood, and I leaned in for another hug.

“Still can't get over this whole hugging thing,” Moore joked once more.

“Look, I lost my Pa. I lost my Mum. Almost lost my brother. Nearly lost myself. All I could think back to when was I was recovering in a medic tent was…that I didn't hug them enough before I left. If God takes me tomorrow, ain't no one ever gonna be able to say I didn't hug them enough. Especially now that I got nieces and nephews.”

“Well, if you’re ever by Chicago, don't be afraid to pick up the phone. They don't got jobs like LA, but the money is good. I've got reliable contacts always in need of someone with our background.”

“Grand. Put in a good word for me, I might be on the lookout soon.”

***

Sneaking through the back door, Eoghan nearly blew my cover as I had to silently communicate for the little scamp not to give me away. Tiptoeing in the kitchen was the hardest part, as I surprised Órfhlaith with an aggressive hug from behind meant to give her the impression she was being attacked.

Órfhlaith screamed and swore, realizing it was me at the very last second, as I burst out laughing on the floor at her reaction. “Should have seen yourself screaming like a wee little baby.”

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