Page 16 of Tormented Dreams

"I know exactly what you mean," she confessed huskily. "Because I feel the same way myself."

Xavier smiled that rare smile of his, and Grace felt like she'd won the lottery. Hope bloomed inside her at the idea of where this could lead. Finally, it seemed all of her dreams were about to come true.

"Tell me about your aspirations, Xavi. I want to know everything that’s important to you." She tightened her hand around his, squeezing it in encouragement and looking him directly in the eye. "Reveal your fantasies, and let's see if we can make both our dreams a reality," she encouraged with an optimistic smile.

The yearning look in his eyes was almost more than Grace could bear. In her head, she had them married and living in suburban heaven with the requisite 2.4 children already.

Xavier cleared his throat. "For a long time now, I've had a hankering for a very specific kind of lifestyle," he began as Grace hung on to his words and his hands with bated breath.

"I've spent a long time—years—searching for somebody I felt might do me the honour of entering into this type of liaison with me, but I've never found anyone who I thought might be able to give me what I really want… until you, that is."

Xavier drew her forward as he leaned closer himself and pressed several kisses to her knuckles. The earnest look in his dreamy, dark eyes had her practically melting and ready to agree to anything.

"I think we have something special together, Grace. Something we could take to another level. I'm hoping you feel the same way."

"I do, Xavier. You must know I do," she whispered breathily, turning her hand inside his, squeezing it tightly. "What you've just described is exactly the way I feel too. I can't imagine not having you in my life, even though you only just moved into it."

Xavier breathed a sigh of relief. "Then maybe what I want to suggest won't be too much of a shock."

"I'm sure it won't, Xavi. I want to move things forward too. With you, everything just seems so right, natural, as if all of the puzzle pieces are already lined up and are just waiting to fall into place."

"I need to warn you from the outset, Grace, that what I want is neither common nor conventional, even within our lifestyle. I need you to think long and hard about what I want you to commit to. If it isn't something you feel comfortable with, then that's not a problem. It's more important you're honest with me. That you tell me if you have any hesitations, any compromises."

"Of course, Xavier, I wouldn't dream of doing anything else. Believe me, I haven't gotten to this stage in my life without knowing my own mind," she reassured.

Xavier nodded, just once, but Grace saw the resolve in his expression, as if he’d settled on a choice and made up his mind. She couldn't help biting at the inside of her lip as she waited for his reply. This was it! What she had been waiting for all of her adult life.

"I want a 24/7 relationship," Xavier told her in a rush, his breath whooshing out so she felt it on her face before he sucked it in again. "But one with a bit of a twist."

24/7, well that was certainly putting things on a permanent basis, but somehow Grace felt as if she was missing something and she creased her forehead as she tried to work it out.

"You see, I want the best of both worlds," Xavi continued. "I want a M/s relationship, but I don't necessarily want us to live in each other's pockets. A conundrum, perhaps, but I've thought about it a lot and I really think it could work. Especially considering the lives each of us lead."

The words didn't quite seem to be adding up in Grace's mind and she was slow to interpret what he meant, her mind still parked wholly and totally inside the picket fence of her own dreams… Wait, had he said M/s? He wanted a Master/slave relationship?

Grace managed to draw blood when her teeth punctured the soft flesh inside her mouth as she jerked her head in surprise, but Xavier was still speaking. She leaned back, putting a little bit of space between them as she tried to clear her thoughts, drawing her hands away from his distracting grasp.

"I've become selfish in my old age. I like my own space, but I still crave the dynamic."

Grace soothed the ragged flesh inside her mouth with her tongue and shook her head. She was still missing something here. Something important.

"I figure you've gotten used to having your own space too, so I really do think, between us, we could make this work remotely. It's all a question of rules."

Xavier was looking at her with the most intent of expressions on his face, expectant and waiting.

Grace closed her eyes momentarily and squeezed her temples between her thumb and forefinger, rubbing unconsciously as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.

It seemed to take forever before she stepped outside the picket fence which ringed her own dreams, where she had blindly been residing. "So…" she began slowly, still trying to string the reality together in her mind, still not entirely sure she was altogether following. "You want a Master/slave relationship, but…" She trailed off, not quite sure she was correct in her assumptions, even as she tried to make sense of them inside her head. "…but you don't want a live-in relationship?"

It was more than a question. It was an expression of confusion, a seeking of clarification, and her brow furrowed deeply as a sliver of disquiet shivered down her spine.

"Well, I mean…" Grace hesitated and tried to pull her thoughts together. "…I guess most relationships start off that way, don't they? People, even those in a lifestyle like ours, take things slowly and date before they build up to something moresignificant…" She trailed off again, because Xavier was shaking his head vehemently.

"Yes, that would be the norm, I suppose, but it's not the way I want to do things," Xavier reaffirmed. "Ideally I want things to stay the way we start them off, but of course there will always be the opportunity to renegotiate. To… refine it into something that works for both of us. Of course I expect you to have suggestions and preferences of your own, and I’m open to discussing those and incorporating them into our dynamic. "

Grace scrunched up her face in concentration, her mind latched on one particular aspect. What the heck was he— "Wait!" She had a sudden eureka moment when comprehension finally dawned. "You mean you don't want anyone to move in with you…ever?"

This wasn't what she had imagined at all… In fact, it could hardly be further away from what she wanted. Perhaps she had been wearing those rose-coloured glasses after all.

---