Page 32 of Tormented Dreams

But he wasn't a bloody mind reader! It was still up to the sub to make things clear if she wasn't happy with the arrangement. There was an innate and essential trust involved that either party would explain the shortcomings or the inadequacies if they weren't getting what they needed from a scenario.

From the way Grace had just exploded, it was clear she wasn't close to being happy with the situation. Maybe never had been at all. It had certainly sounded that way from the way she’d let rip and not allowed him to get a word in edgeways.

So why had she agreed to it?

Why had she led him to believe it was something she was on board with?

Had she just been humouring him? Leading him on? What? What was the point?

This lifestyle could only be successful if it operated effectively in both directions. He had justifiably expected Grace to know herown mind and tell him if the Master/slave relationship he had proposed was workable for her and something she might find some enjoyment in.

Damn it all, he'd asked and then doubled-checked it was something she was happy to do, and she had told him it was. More than once!

He’d depended on her to safeword if things got too much for her, but clearly, Grace hadn't been happy from the start, and instead of being honest with him and slowing things down, discussing it with him, and telling him she had a problem, she'd just clammed up, gritted her teeth and silently endured everything until it had finally all become too much and she'd exploded.

Xavier was as disappointed by her duplicity as he was that things hadn't worked out the way he would have liked. Was it even possible to salvage what he believed was a promising beginning from this mess that had evolved, and steer it in a different direction? He wasn't so sure that could even be an option if there was no trust between them.

Grace's actions had made it quite clear she hadn't believed in their relationship enough to lay out her own desires and let him know they were about as polar opposite as it was possible to be to his own.

She hadn't even given him the chance to negotiate her own options—although playing husband and father was about as far from a BDSM scenario as you could get, and perhaps that was just it. There really wasn't any way you could negotiate a real-life baby daddy—so it seemed she'd just spewed her anger, gone on the defensive, jumped to her own conclusions and left him, without ever giving him the chance of any kind of response. Andall of those actions pointed to a distinct lack of that all-important trust.

He wasn't just disappointed things had gone so very wrong when everything had seemed so promising at the start. He was also disappointed because it seemed like they’d taken a wrong turn somewhere along this road they'd been following, and instead of trying to work out where they'd gone wrong, Grace had decided to just drive the car over a cliff.

Now, Xavier had to decide whether or not it was worth trying to discover the right route, or whether to just give up and go home—metaphorically speaking.

Right now though, he was simply too tired and too disillusioned to even think about making a reasonable choice. And by all accounts, so was Grace.

Even what he felt had been a fairly justifiable anger had fizzled to nothing in face of the overwhelming sadness he was now experiencing at the fact that they'd managed to screw up something that he really thought had so much potential.

What he needed was a clear head, the chance to ponder the things she’d said, and the opportunity to find out whether this really was the end. He needed to decide whether the barbs that had been cast while anger had been riding high and colouring judgements, might have remained unsaid if feelings hadn't been strung so high. And whether or not the fact they'd all poured out was actually a good thing, and had cleared the air.

But he couldn't achieve any of that without first getting some much-needed sleep.

There was the tiniest germ of hope and it desperately wanted to make itself known.

She had implied that she loved him. Okay, so it might have been thrown out there without the feelings and regard with which such a declaration should be made, but it gave him a modicum of optimism that the things she'd said in the heat of the moment might not necessarily mean the end, after all.

Xavier took that hope and nurtured it all the way back to his own home.

Once he had rested, he would work out exactly what he should do with it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“She's not here," the woman at the front reception insisted, once again, when Xavier tried for the second time to catch Grace at her place of work.

"Believe me, I'd tell you if she was. I don't play those kinds of games."

All Xavier wanted to do was talk to Grace, to let her know he was okay with trying something… well, pretty damn intrepid if he was honest with himself. And about as far out of his comfort zone as he was able to go. But he knew she was worth it.

Besides, even if he hadn't wanted to admit how much he mourned the loss of their connection, his subconscious had been drilling that message home.

He'd been lethargic and down. He couldn't sleep. Hell, he even longed to have her in his bed… even though he'd never wanted anyone to share it in the past.

Everything he thought he knew about himself had been turned on its head. Just that one short weekend of her being in his personal space had changed things. Okay, so maybe he'd had hishead in the sand these past weeks, but now she was gone, he found himself yearning for her presence in his home. If he was honest with himself, he'd been feeling that way for some time, but while she’d still been his, he had managed to push those feelings aside and convince himself the relationship they'd had was enough, out of pure stubbornness. Now she was gone, they all came back full force, and he felt bereft.

He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to know he was willing to work at a more traditional relationship. One that united them as partners.

Oh, he wasn't completely sure about the whole baby thing. Not that he was opposed to it at all, he was surprised to find. He simply didn't feel like they'd known each other long enough to jump into something quite so permanently binding and unbreakable. And that had nothing to do with being selfish. Quite the opposite, in fact. It had more to do with his conviction that if he was ever party to bringing another being into this world, then he wanted the absolute clarity of knowing that child was born to a strong and healthy relationship with loving parents who would be there to support each other as well as their child.

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