Page 31 of Tormented Dreams

"How can that kind of relationship ever be successful? What does your slave actually get out of the situation? Have you ever thought of that, Xavi?"

Grace allowed the growl of frustration that had been building in her chest to escape while she paced across the room. Swinging back to where he stood staring at her, open-mouthed, Grace purged the rest of it out of her system.

"Yes, I admit I had reservations even before we started, and I didn't have any first-hand experience of that kind of lifestyle before this, but still, I tried it for you. I compromised for you, but now the ball is back in your court, that compromise isn't looking like much of a two-way street…"

Xavier tried to get out the words to argue that she hadn't yet suggested any compromises, but Grace was like a steamroller and just kept on going.

"…and if you're not going to bother trying to make any compromises in return and are only interested in having things your own way, then I'm afraid we've come to the end of the road."

"You don't mean that!" Xavier whispered, paling despite his olive skin tone, but he didn't manage to get anything else out.

"Actually, I do," Grace retorted, on a roll now that she had finally built up the courage to say what she really felt. Sometimes aperson just had to know when to throw in the towel, regardless of how much they yearned to hold on to something.

And that time had come.

Her eyes burned as tears prickled behind her eyelids, but Grace stood firm, despite the urge to give in to the love she felt for Xavier and capitulate to his desires. She had to, because they weren't her own. They weren't even close, and this was probably the only time she was ever going to put her own needs out there.

Taking a bracing breath and drawing her hands into fists, Grace squared her shoulders and let the truth come tumbling out. "I want children, Xavier. I would like to find a man to give me those children, but I no longer have time on my side," she finally revealed on a sharp exhale of breath.

It felt good to finally say it, and she rushed on, desperate to finish in case he tried to shut her down. "I made the decision, a long time ago, that I would visit the sperm bank and find a donor if I wasn't in a conducive relationship by the time I hit my fortieth birthday. That has always been my deadline, and now that time is here."

She took another, shakier breath and her heart wrenched painfully as she prepared to break the tether which tied them together. "It's not the same for a man, so I don't expect you to understand." She couldn't keep the tremor from finding its way into her voice and was aware how it quavered, but she soldiered on regardless. "You don't have an expiration date like I do. You can wait ten years, even twenty, and still father children of your own, but I don't have that luxury. Even if I wanted to rely on IVF to have children at an older age, I need to be young enough to enjoy them, to keep up with them. I'm already old enough to bea grandmother, Xavier, and as a doctor, you of all people, must understand the truth of what I'm saying."

This time, her breath stuttered as she drew it in, and one of the tears she'd been trying so desperately to blink away escaped and rolled down her cheek, and still, Xavier said nothing. He just looked at her with his brows knotted and an expression something akin to shock on his handsome face.

"My time is running out, from a medical standpoint. I'm sure you understand that better than most."

Grace prepared herself to say the hardest words of all. There was a niggle in the back of her mind that she’d overlooked something major, but she still needed to get the rest of the feelings she'd been hoarding unhealthily off of her chest. "The truth is the things that I want just don't gel with the things you want. I'm sorry for that, Xavi," she sobbed, unable to keep the hiccupping breath in any longer.

"Sorrier than you'll ever know, because I've come to love you and I wanted us to have so much more. But I can't be what you want me to be, because there's no room for a child in that relationship. And if I do things your way, I'll just turn into a bitter old lady. I'll end up resenting you for all the things I gave up to keep you happy, and that wouldn't be fair to either of us, so it's best to just end things now, while we can both still pursue the things we want from life."

That last barrage of words came out in a rush, falling over themselves and running together as Grace fought against her better judgement to set him free.

She dragged trembling fingers over her wet cheeks and slowly turned away. Xavi still hadn't said a word and she could tellher revelations had stunned him. Well, he knew now, and even though her heart felt like it was heavy enough to fall out of her chest and shatter on the cold, hard floor, Grace knew she was doing the right thing.

"I think you'd better leave now," she whispered brokenly as she made her way to the door to let him out. "Goodbye, Xavi," she choked out, without looking up at him.

She heard the rustle of fabric and felt the displacement of air, felt it pause momentarily as he moved past her, but she couldn't bear to watch him walk out of her home for the last time.

If there was a reply, she didn't hear it before she closed the door with a decisive click and ran to the comfort and privacy of her bedroom before the dam broke on her emotions.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Xavier stood, stunned, staring at the door Grace had just shown him out of.

He paused, not wanting to leave, and desperately wanting to answer some of the diatribe she had spewed at him, a lot of it rather unfairly, but she’d just closed it right in his face, without so much as a glance.

Instead, he closed his mouth, which had dropped open in shock, and shook his head in disbelief. What the hell had just happened? He felt like he'd just been run over by a Mack truck.

He'd had no idea that Grace felt so strongly about any of those things, and as the shock wore off, he was more than a little annoyed with both her attitude and delivery.

Why the hell hadn't she given him the chance to respond to any of her tirade? She'd set herself up as judge and jury without even offering him the opportunity to defend himself.

Of course, he didn't want a Master/slave relationship with somebody who wasn't into it the same way he was. The relationship had to be symbiotic or else it was pointless, andhe got no joy out of discovering Grace had just gone along with things in order to keep him happy. But until this spewing eruption of emotion, she had never once indicated she wasn't completely happy with the situation, and that just made him angry.

D/s was a two-way street. No one person's input was more important than the other's. It was all a question of give and take. The sub put her faith in the Dom to give her what she needed, and the Dom did his best to provide that within the framework of whatever agreement they had.

In their case, that had been the remote Master/slave agreement, which Grace had consented to.

---