Page 8 of Echoes of Eternity

The walk home felt unnervingly swift, each step accelerating the inevitable confrontation I was dreading. I tried to push away the gnawing anxiety that gripped me with each passing moment. My only hope was that my husband had stepped out, leaving me some respite before facing his scrutiny.

As we neared the house, my heart pounded louder with each step, my dread mounting. I tried to steady my breath, but the knot in my stomach only tightened. It felt as if a noose was tightening around my neck with each step I took.

The door slid open, and there he was—standing in the entryway, his gaze fixed upon us with a cold, assessing. His presence felt like a weight pressing down on me, intensifying the guilt and fear I felt.

“So, you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence,” he said, his voice dripping with thinly veiled contempt. “I suppose you have an excuse for your little adventure?”

I felt a flush of apprehension but forced myself to maintain composure. “I was delayed,” I managed to say, trying to keep my voice steady. “There were complications. I-I wasn’t feeling well on the outing.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step closer, his expression shifting from disdain to something darker. “Unwell? How convenient,” he said, his tone laced with mockery. “It seems you’re always finding new ways to excuse your absences.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the noose of his judgment tighten around me. The sting of his words made my heart race, and I could barely hold back the tremor in my voice. “I assure you, it wasn’t intentional,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady. “I would have returned sooner if I could have.”

He regarded me with a look that conveyed both disbelief and scorn. “I’m sure you would have,” he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “But your assurances don’t change the fact that you’ve been neglecting your duties. Perhaps you should remember that there are consequences for your actions.”

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me standing there with Wada, the weight of his words settling like a heavy shroud. The reality of my situation felt suffocating, the noose around my neck pulling tighter with every passing moment. I led Wada inside, trying to steady my breath and compose myself, knowing that I had to navigate this tense atmosphere while grappling with the unresolved tensions and the recent encounter with Noboru that still lingered in my mind.

4

The oppressive silenceof my home pressed in on me while I paced the cold, dimly lit halls of our home. The cruelty inflicted upon Wada had left a deep scar on my soul. My husband’s satisfaction in her suffering was a deliberate attempt to break me—body, mind, and spirit. He forced me to watch someone innocent endure the consequences of my actions, and it was more than I could bear.

The walls seemed to close in on me, every sound amplified by the gnawing guilt in my chest. I had been once again shown the harsh truth of my existence, and the weight of my husband's cruelty felt unbearable. His actions were a calculated method to erode my willpower, to make me a mere shadow of my former self. His intent was clear: to see me crumble into nothingness because ofhis growing disdain for me and my inability to bear him sons.

I could no longer endure this life of torment and guilt. I needed another opportunity to find a way to end this needless torture. The suffering inflicted on Wada, my own helplessness, and the relentless cruelty of my husband had driven me to the edge. I had resolved to call upon the bird deity one last time somehow, to plead for a swift and noble end. I needed to escape this cycle of pain that had escalated to casualties within my home.

With a patience that seemed to stretch beyond mortal limits, I endured. I went through the motions, offering a smile when required, and allowing his rough touches with the resigned acceptance that it was expected of me. The servants became increasingly scarce as my husband’s temper showed no sign of diminishing. I deliberately drew his attention, a form of self-punishment for my own guilt and transgressions.

As night fell, I retreated to the garden once more, seeking solace in the solitude of the creeping darkness. The cool breeze, though gentle, did nothing to soothe the tempest raging within me. I sank to my knees on the cold earth, feeling the chill penetrate my garments and seep into my bones. The icy ground felt like an extension of the emptiness inside me, amplifying my sense of being emotionally numb.

With a heavy heart and a soul that felt increasingly hollow, I called out into the darkness, my voice barely more than a whisper lost to the night. The silence that followed seemed to mock me, a reminder of the void Icarried within. The garden, usually a refuge, now felt like an endless expanse of cold and desolation, reflecting the growing sense of deadness I felt inside.

In the quiet of the night with only the sound of crickets as company, silent sobs suddenly overwhelmed me, shaking my body with a fierce, uncontrollable intensity.

I gritted my teeth, determined to keep my anguish silent, resolute in my effort to maintain the composure expected of me as the wife of the Kenzan household. Yet, despite my best efforts, I failed even in that, finding myself quietly crying for the deity who should never have brought me hope. The tears fell unbidden, mingling with my disappointment in my own weakness, as I wept silently.

“Noboru” I cried, my voice trembling with a mix of desperation and resignation. “Please, hear my plea. I am beyond saving myself. I cannot endure any more. I beg you, end this suffering. Release me from this life of torment. Noboru…”

The silence that followed was heavy, filled only with the distant sounds of the night. My heart pounded painfully in my chest reminding me I was still very much alive—forced to live another day in this waking hell.

Suddenly, a cloak of darkness wrapped around me, and I felt the soft, feathered embrace of blood-red wings enveloping me. Noboru emerged from the shadows, his presence radiating a soothing calm as he placed a warm hand on my shoulder. His eyes, deep and enigmatic, held an emotion that seemed both familiar and alien, leavingme disoriented while I struggled to make sense of it in my half-conscious state.

My mind was beginning to dissociate the way it always did when I needed to forget—removing itself when I needed to survive. Was this reality or a dream? Was Noboru truly here?

In a fluid, almost dreamlike motion, he lifted me from the cold earth, the boundaries of reality blurring as his strong arms cocooned me. The garden around us dissolved into a shimmering haze, and I found myself adrift in a shifting, mystical realm. The familiar world faded, replaced by thick moonlit forestry where we had first encountered each other. He knelt down with me still in his arms. The trees seemed to whisper secrets in a language I could barely comprehend, their silvered branches casting an ethereal glow that wove together reality and illusion.

I felt suspended between worlds, my sense of time and place disintegrating the longer I was in his arms. What was real and what was illusion became indistinguishable, leaving me adrift in a space where our connection could be explored beyond the constraints of my everyday life. If this is death, I should have done it sooner. It was much more peaceful than I imagined.

“Your pain is palpable,” Noboru whispered, his voice filled with compassion. “I now understand your plea, and I hear the depth of your suffering. But I selfishly cannot grant the end you seek.”

His words shattered the delicate illusion, crashing me back into the starkness of reality. I couldn’t help butwonder if this was how he felt when I rejected him—caught between hope and despair, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on both of us.

“Please, Noboru, I beg of you!” I cried, clinging onto his chest armor, the world blurring in my vision, clouded by my burning tears.

Noboru’s gaze softened, and I shook him with all the strength I had left, anger pouring out of me as my fists landed against his armor until I fell against him, pressing my wet cheeks against his chest in defeat.

“I cannot offer you a final end. Do not ask it of me. But I can show you something different. Let me take your pain, let me carry it for you. Let me offer you another reason to live, Matsui.”

I was taken aback by his words, my mind struggling to grasp their meaning. “What can you possibly offer me that would make me choose this life, Noboru?”

---