Page 4 of Echoes of Eternity

His gaze remained fixed on me as if peering into the very essence of my soul as he contemplated my response. Was it wrong of me to feel a pang of jealousy at the moment? How easily he ended the man’s life, yet here he stood continuing to question my demands. Why was I any different than the life he just took? To the divine, are mortals not all the same?

“Humans often throw away their lives with such ease, seeking to escape the burdens they bear. It is an act both brave and foolish, to surrender so readily to despair.”

I winced, not meaning to. His pupils contracted and the guilt I constantly held inside of me began to seep through my pores leading the way to frustration.

I took in a shaky breath, my carefully measured andpracticed tone as a trophy wife slowly breaking. “You don’t understand. My suffering has been a relentless storm, one that has left me broken and hollow. I am merely asking for a release from that torment, with a final gesture that has meaning… for my family’s sake.”

Noboru’s expression softened slightly, as if he were reflecting on something beyond the immediate. “And yet, you underestimate the value of your existence. Each life, no matter how troubled, carries within it the potential for change, for redemption. Your request to end your life is not one I can easily grant.”

“Then what am I to do?” I implored, a hint of desperation creeping into my voice. “Is there no way out of this relentless suffering?”

The deity’s form began to shrink—his size, once gargantuan now seemed manageable in the face of my growing irritation. I didn’t like the emotions he stirred within me when I had carefully buried them so long ago. Emotions lead to nothing good because no matter what I felt, it didn’t change the course of my life’s destiny. I watched Noboru as his gaze became distant and contemplative.

“You seek escape, but in seeking it through me, you seek to transform your end into a story of grandeur. Perhaps there is something you do not see—a possibility that lies beyond the immediate desire for release.”

Why was he making this so hard? I shook my head, struggling with his enigmatic words. “If you will not grant me this release, then what do you suggest? Whatpurpose do I have left if not to seek an end that bears some significance?” I bit out.

Noboru’s voice took on a more resonant tone, almost as if he were speaking to himself as much as to me. “You are not the only one who has suffered. Each being, divine or mortal, wrestles with the weight of existence. To merely end your struggle is to disregard the potential for growth and understanding that might come from it.”

Growth? Understanding? It was he who was not understanding me! All I had kept buried, surfaced like a tempest and my skull tightened with the words that threatened to spill out. The organ inside of my chest hammered away while I forced myself to take deep calming breaths.

What possessed me to ever think it would be as simple as a request for death? My life was never made to be simple. I mentally let out a humorless laugh at the position I found myself in.

Be it my chosen husband or a deity that will ultimately deny me, my destiny refused to waver. I waded through the emotional storm within and somehow found the calm I needed to respond—years of conditioned practice under my husband. My mother would have been proud of my skills if she were here to witness it.

“Then what would you have me do?” I asked, enunciating each word slowly.

His wings shook as he regarded me with a mixture of solemnity and curiosity. “Perhaps there is a different path for you, one that does not end in death but indiscovery. Join me in understanding why your existence, though fraught with pain, still holds meaning.”

A flicker of something unwanted in the moment—a different kind of hope than the one I anticipated, perhaps—began to stir within me much to my dismay. “And if I were to accompany you, what would that entail?” I humored him.

Noboru’s gaze softened, and for the first time, I felt a hint of warmth in his presence rather than his benevolence. “We will explore together the reasons behind your suffering and the potential that lies within you. In this companionship, we may find answers neither of us anticipated.”

The reasons? He didn’t need to know the exact reasons because it wouldn’t change anything. What game was he playing? Was I merely a source of entertainment?

As his words settled between us, a surge of frustration bubbled up within me. The deity’s broad notions about existence and suffering seemed detached from the harsh realities of my life. I took a step closer, my voice cutting through the ethereal calm I had previously fostered between us.

“You speak of potential and growth,” I said, my voice edged with sharpness. “But you do not understand the full extent of my struggle nor would it matter if you did. The life of a woman in this time is a constant battle—one that men rarely have to face. Our suffering is not merely a matter of personal despair; it is woven into the very fabric of our existence.”

Noboru’s gaze, though unwavering, seemed to shift as if he were reconsidering his perspective after my change in tone. If I was with others, the whispers would begin about how a woman's audacity and boldness could lead to her downfall. The thought made my skin prickle with awareness.

“And what makes your struggle as a woman so distinct, so insurmountable?” he whispered.

“Everything!” I shouted, my frustration breaking free. “Society places us in roles that deny us agency, restrict our freedom, and force us into a life of subservience. We are judged by different standards, given fewer opportunities, and our suffering is often dismissed or ignored. Duty. Obligation. The roles are placed upon us in every phase of our life. Men might face their own hardships, but our challenges are compounded by the very structures that confine us.”

His eyes narrowed, his demeanor shifting to one of contemplation. It didn’t matter how much he tried, he would never understand the life of a woman who must save face in a marriage that was slowly killing her soul.

“So you believe your suffering is more profound because of these societal constraints?”

His question confirmed my inner thoughts. Typical of a man to put up a wall when understanding was essential for finding a solution—a solution I had already demanded from him.

“Yes!” I replied, struggling to keep my voice steady. “It’s not just the personal pain I endure; it’s the relentless struggle against a system that seeks to undermine anddiminish me. Every day is a fight to assert my worth, and to find meaning in a world that often seems determined to crush it. And if that is the case, so be it, Noboru. I do not wish for any more of it.”

Noboru’s gaze grew distant again, and I slowly closed my eyes in resignation. We were talking in circles. This was getting me nowhere. Perhaps it would have been better for me to keep my silence, the way I always did.

“You claim that your suffering is amplified by societal structures. This is a perspective I had not fully considered. The burdens placed upon you are indeed significant, shaped by forces beyond your individual control.”

Was he merely parroting words he thought would appease me? Or were they truly having an impact? I pressed on, my voice softer but no less earnest. “I am not seeking sympathy, Noboru, nor pity—far from it. I am seeking understanding in my…request. Youmustgrant me the end I desire.”

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