Page 82 of Wildest Dreams

Mom hands Lainey to Dixie, and she holds her close as Conrad begins to push me towards the truck.

“You doing okay?” He asks me softly, and I shrug my shoulder up.

“Been better,” I huff as Riggs pulls me from my chair and I stand and hobble myself to the truck, but before I can even try and get myself in, Riggs is lifting me in.

“There we go,” he half smiles and I hide my face from him. My throat burns as I try and swallow down the thickness, try and blink the tears away before anyone sees them.

Dixie slides in next to me before putting Lainey into her car chair and buckling her in.

Her hand rests on my thigh, and I turn away from her, looking out the window as Riggs puts my chair into the bed of the truck.

Dad and Mom ride with us. Pacey rides with Riggs, Aspen and Austin. Blue and Buck follow in their own trucks and I am already dreading the next few hours.

None of us were ready for this day.

How could we be?

We were burying one of our own.

I am overcome with emotion, and it doesn't matter how much I try and stop it from seeping from me, I can't.

Dixie peeks at me under the rim of my cowboy hat, before her hand is buried inside of mine. And as we begin to drive, I choke on silent sobs.

Suddenly, everything has got a little heavier.

The skies are gray,clouds thick and full of the tears of God. We all wait outside, all dressed in black as we wait for the horse and carriage to arrive with Harlow's casket.

Austin stands at the front of the church along with Joy and James, and Harlow's kid brother Harrison.

His head is bowed, his shoulders shaking softly as he cries and fuck, he breaks my damn heart.

The sound of hooves has us all looking to the left as two beautiful Friesians trot softly across the gravel of the church parking lot, Harlow's wicker casket tied to the back. Aspen's sobs echo as Riggs holds her tightly, letting her tears soak his shirt. A lot of her pain will be masked with guilt. They lost so much time together.

Austin begins walking down with Harrison and James, Riggs pushes Aspen into Pacey's arms as Conrad and my dad step forward ready to carry Harlow into her final journey.

Tears stream down Austin's face and all I want to do is wrap him in my arms and hold him tightly.

Joy drops her head, shaking it from side to side as if in utter disbelief that this day is here. The day that she is burying her little girl.

Harlow was well loved throughout our small town and to see the crowds standing here waiting to say their goodbyes is something to feel proud of.

Sunny stands next to Aspen, her head ducking every now and again to make sure she is okay.

The carriage drivers slide her casket off slowly and into the hands of the pallbearers.

They all listen as the undertakers tell them what to do, and on the count of three, she is lifted onto their shoulders.

And that's when Joy loses it, falling down to her knees and my mom rushes over to her, trying with all of her might to pull her to her feet. Dixie slips her hand from mine as she moves quickly over to Joy's side and helps my mom lift her.

“We've got you,” Dixie says softly as they begin leading her into the church. Joy's screams will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The undertaker begins walking in front of the casket as the boys carry her into the church, and we all follow. I wheel myself, not wanting to take the attention away from the people that need to be comforted. Wheeling myself up the ramp of the church, I puff as I move into where the ceremony will be taking place, mindful not to take anyone out with the leg rest of my chair.

As the casket enters the church,pink skies - Zach Bryanbegins to play.

I watch as they place Harlow's casket onto the catafalque and they all step back, apart from James and Austin. Their hands stay resting on the lid, Austin sobs and James wraps his arms around his shoulders.

I swallow down the lump that is swelling as the seconds pass.

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