Page 49 of Wildest Dreams

“Thank you,” I give a courteous nod before he turns away and I sigh, a deep painful sigh as I watch him walk away. “What an idiot,” I mutter to myself, turning on my heel and losing myself in horse manure and fresh bedding.

Walkingthrough the door at four p.m., I am wrecked. Boobs are full again and I'm miserable. I trudge my achy legs up the stairs and I hear Lainey giggling from the bathroom. Pushing the door two, I see Orla on her knees bathing my daughter. Bubbles fill the tub, and she watches in awe at the way they move and float through the air as Orla blows them from her palm.

My heart throbs in my chest.

This is what Lainey deserves. A Nanna that loves her like Orla does.

I step back, not wanting to intrude on their moment and sink into my bedroom. I flop down on the bed; I just needed a couple of minutes. I feel suddenly overwhelmed. I'm tired. I know that. It's been a busy day and sure, I've spent the day cleaning stalls out but I'm not used to being on my feet all day. Not used to lugging heavy barrows of manure and hay up the manure hill.

I didn't see anyone apart from Tripp, Conrad and Harlow and they were flying visits.

My mind whirls and my chest caves in. Memories of my childhood flash before my eyes and I don't want to go back there. Not today.

A soft knock on the door has me resting onto my elbows to look at the door and I see Tripp standing there, dirty and grubby, and I ignore the way my stomach knots at the sight of him. The way my heart beats a little quicker in my chest.

“Hey,” he says quietly, boot in the door as if testing to see whether I will invite him in or not.

“Hey,” I breathe, sitting up a little more.

“You okay?” I can hear the concern in his voice, did Conrad tell him I freaked a little. How embarrassing.

“Tired,” I smirk, one corner of my lips lifting a little higher.

“I bet,” he smiles back and I don't miss the way his green eyes glisten.

“Everything alright?” I ask, not quite sure what his reason for being here is, not that I mind him being here... it just feels a little weird.

“We're heading down to the Dusty Old Boot tonight... didn't know if you fancied coming? We normally go on Fridays but...” he trails off.

“The funeral,” I nod, licking my lips.

“Yeah...” one hand is still on the handle of my door, the other curls around the back of his neck.

“I mean, it would be nice but I also need to check with your mom... she's had Lainey all day... and I need to feed her because...” I look down at my chest and sigh.

“We won't be heading out till about eight, would that work or…?”

“Like I said, I need to check with your mom,” and he looks away from me, also a little disappointed maybe.

“Do you need to pump?” he asks, and his question has my lips parting. “It's on the drainer... I don't mind getting it for you.”

I would try and hold out for Lainey's bedtime, but that's four hours and I don't think I have another four hours in me.

So I just give him a nod.

“I'll go grab it,” he thumbs behind him and disappears downstairs.

I fall back into my bed and I feel wetness dampen my cheek.

I'm not alone long when I hear footsteps and giggling.

“Shall we go and find mommy,” Orla says in a baby voice, Lainey squeals.

I wipe my eyes and sit up, plastering a huge smile on my face just as Lainey's head pops around the door.

“There she is!” Orla says with excitement lacing her voice and Lainey's blue eyes light up, her legs kicking in excitement.

“Sweet girl,” I murmur, standing as I scoop a freshly bathed Lainey into my arms, pressing my lips to the top of her head as I inhale her scent. Honey and oats.

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