Page 44 of Wildest Dreams

“It's nice being back out doing something other than letting my mind wander with the what ifs...”

My chest aches.

“Yeah,” I rumble, watching as the cowboys and Riggs beat down towards us on the back of their horses.

“Wish I could do something,” he looks at me, I can see the pain radiating in his eyes.

“I know man, me too, me too.” We give each other a silent nod before turning the horses and kicking them on back towards the bottom field.

Time to move the cows out.

“Yeehaw!” Pacey shouts as we gallop towards the herd, Riggs closing in behind us and this right here, in this moment, everything felt okay.

Because I had my brothers at my side.

Riggs to the left. Pacey to the right.

It was a split second if anything, but it was still everything.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

DIXIE

Dressed in bootleg jeans, my new cowboy boots and white frilled shirt, I felt every bit dressed to work. I had pumped and placed my supply into the refrigerator, labelled and ready for when Orla needed it.

“Are you sure you don't mind?” I ask Orla for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Of course not,” she smiles, snuggling Lainey, her fists in her gummy mouth.

Teething is hitting my sweet girl hard and I can't wait till her teeth fully break. Not sure why I am wishing that on myself, because once the bottom ones break, the tops follow soon after.

Well, that's what my mom forums say anyway.

“Okay, so I think I have covered everything when it comes to her routine, I mean, you probably know most of it anyway,” and I am fully aware that I am rambling, but I am nervous. I have never left her before, and sure, I know I am only going to the ranch to work, but it still feels a little too far.

“Any problems, I will come find you,” she gives me a reassuring nod, and my heart races under my skin. Lainey is babbling, eyes all glassy and wide. She's so precious. Chubbylittle arms and legs. Brown curly hair, long dark lashes. She is perfection.

I glance up at the time, it's seven-fifty.

“Okay, it's time for me to get to work then,” and I half laugh, half choke on my intake of breath. I had never worked on a ranch. Didn't even know how to ride a horse so this was going to be a bundle of fun.

“You will do great sweetie, dinner will be served at five. Chicken pot pie with creamed mashed potato and greens, sound good?” she asks, bouncing a fussing Lainey.

“Sounds perfect,” I nod, stepping towards Orla with Lainey and placing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Mommy loves you honey,” I whisper, because speaking out loud feels too much. I feel silly for getting teary eyed, I am literally just outside.

It doesn't matter what I keep telling myself, a tear rolls down my cheek.

Swiping it away, Lainey reaches out for me and I grasp her little hand in mine, kissing it tenderly.

“Mommy will be back soon okay? Orla...” I feel strange calling her that, “Orla will be looking after you.” Not sure why I am having a conversation with my six-month-old, but I felt like I should tell her, so she knew I wasn’t leaving her for good.

My eyes lift to Orla, she gives a warm smile. She would be such a good nanna.

“Okay, I’m going to go,” I smile, leaning up and ignoring the way my heart aches heavy inside my chest.

“I normally do lunch around noon, sometimes the boys eat in the bunkhouse, sometimes they don't eat at all. No pressure to come back to the house, but it'll be made up if you do want it.”

I give a shallow nod and have to walk out the door before I change my mind on this whole working thing.

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