Page 37 of Wildest Dreams

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Eddie smiles, turning and reaching for a large, square box.

My brows raise and I notice the knowing smile on Orla's lips.

He lifts the lid and pulls out a brown cowboy hat with a cream stitching detail.

My eyes widen as he lifts it and places it on my head.

“Now she's a cowgirl,” he winks, and I fist my bag for my card but he holds his hand up, shaking his head from side to side. “It's on the house, darlin'.”

We say goodbye and make our way back towards the ranch. Orla drives slow as Lainey starts to fuss. She is over tired and over stimulated, but I truly believe she had the best day.

We didn’t go out much back home. A lot of our trips were to the recording studio. I became more of a hermit once I had Lainey. Anxiety used to suffocate me at the thought of going out by myself. What if someone tried to take her from me? What if something was to happen to me whilst we were out, and she was left without a mom? It didn’t matter how much I tried; I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts that crashed over me. I hated it. In constant fear that Lainey was going to be without me one day. I know if I deep delved into it, it would stem from my own trauma of losing my mom at a young age, I never let it bother me until I became a mom myself. I grieved her, of course I did, but I pushed every sad thought that I once had into the deepest crevices inside my chest. They were never coming back out. But having Lainey sparked a new fear. A fear of me dying on her. A fear that she would lose me one day. The thought of leaving her alone was enough to throw me into a panic attack in the back of the truck. Closing my eyes for just a moment, I inhale deeply through my nose.

When I finally open my eyes, I see Orla’s bright blue eyes on mine in the rear view and I can see the pain that shines through. Giving her a weak smile, I turn my attention towards Lainey. Gurgling, fingers curled around the toy that is wrapped around the handle of her car seat and her horse teddy is tucked under her arm. My heart warms, glowing even. She was the perfect antidote to all of this, but the creator of all my deepest, darkest fears.

Rolling down the dusty driveway of Rivera Ranch, the small figures in the distance became a little easier to see. There he was. Backwards cap hiding his tufty brown hair and I am sorry but there is something about a man wearing a backward cap thatmakes me feral, especially Tripp Rivera. Toned, muscly arms wrapped in a damp gray tee and tight dirty denim jeans. He looked every bit cowboy. Lugging barrels of hay from the back of a truck and dumping them into the empty stables. Sweat glistens against his sun-tanned skin, muscles rippling under said skin that I so desperately want to run my fingertips over.

“Close your mouth honey, you’re starting to drool,” Orla catches me and my cheeks turn pink.

“I wasn’t…” I try to counter back but it’s no good. She caught me red handed.

Twisting my lips, I drop my eyes from the sights in front of me.

Pushing the car into park, she cuts the engine and Pacey comes bounding over like the golden retriever he is. He greets his mom with a kiss on the cheek as she steps out the high truck. I unbuckle Lainey and lift her from the seat. She is clammy from the car chair. Her dark hair is slightly damp and curling at the bottom. I scoot along the back of the seat and delicately slide out the truck.

Lainey starts to cry, bottom lip trembling before folding down and the tears roll down her cheeks.

“It's okay baby,” I soothe her, walking towards the ranch. I feel bad leaving my bags in the trunk, but I need to get Lainey settled.

I look over my shoulder and Pacey gives me a soft nod as he moves towards the back of the truck and I keep walking forward. My skin prickles when I pass Tripp but I refuse to look at him. I must not give into temptation.

Climbing the steps to the house, I push through the door and head straight for upstairs. Turning the corner for my room, I stop outside my bedroom, head tilting slightly when I stare at my bedroom door.

The knob that was once there has now been replaced with a pushdown handle.

My heart stammers in my chest, tripping before catching itself and resuming its once steady beat. Eyes glass for a moment when I hear footsteps behind me.

Slowly turning, I see Tripp standing there. Chest rising and falling quickly, his skin glistening in sweat, dirty marks rubbed into his cheeks.

His eyes move between me and the door.

Lainey sobs against my chest.

“Did you do that?” I ask, my eyes bouncing between his.

I know the answer. Of course it was him.

His brown eyes soften for just a moment, his hard jaw unclenching. He gives a soft nod before he turns and walks into his bedroom and closes the door.

“Thank you,” I murmur to the empty room.

Lainey is fed,bathed and down for the night so I take that as my cue to go and soak my body in a hot bath. My muscles ache and I have no idea why. Pushing the door closed, the warm room blankets me. The copper tub fills quickly, and I peel my clothes from my clammy skin. Dipping my toe into the water, my whole body relaxes as I sink under the water. The sun begins to set under the mountains of Lovelock Bay and it's been a wonderful day. Sure, it was made better by Tripp and his sweaty, glistening skin as he worked and suddenly my cheeks flush red.

Me and Tripp happened a long time ago. I left that piece of my heart here in Lovelock Bay and I never wanted to find it again. That Dixie was no more. I'm not the broken little girl Ionce was, I have patched myself up, fixing all the broken pieces the best I could. All but one.

Tripp made me feel again. He made me realise that I was worthy of so much more than what I had been shown. But I pushed him away. I had an out to the shitty hand I had been dealt so I took it. Jumped at the chance to leave Lovelock Bay, but in doing so, I hurt the only person who truly loved me for me.

It was brief, a whirlwind romance, each other’s secret. No one knew about me and Tripp. We just happened one day... he was there, a comforter that I clung to when I felt bare and stripped of every last fibre of myself. He scooped me up, tucked me safely against his chest and promised to never let me go.

---