Page 32 of Wildest Dreams

My bottom lip wobbles again but I stiffen it, refusing to let another tear fall through guilt. I didn't deserve to cry.

I also didn't deserve any of the kindness I was being shown.

It wouldn't be long, and everyone would know that Dixie Walker was a fraud.

The sound of a throat being cleared has me turning towards the back of the house as Jorge comes through the boot room.

“Hi Jorge,” I squeak, pushing to my feet. “Coffee?”

He shakes his head from side to side and I sit back down, cautiously.

“Why are you sitting here alone?” he asks, now bootless as he drags a chair across the tiles and sits next to me.

“Lainey was fussing, chucked her bowl over her highchair and made a mess. Orla took her out to watch the trees...” I trail off as he just stares at me, opal eyes filled with so much knowledge and wonder.

He grumbles, sitting back, fingers linked together as he rests his hands on his stomach.

“I was thinking about getting a job, I need something to pay my way around here,” I say a little too hastily. I haven't evendecided if I want to stay or not yet. I know I am not wanted here, especially by Tripp, but I could move into Sylvia's.

My old childhood home still sits at the base of the mountains, the other side of the creek. It's run down and been left to rot. I always said I would go back home one day when I found the courage, but being back here made me realize I don't think the courage will ever come.

“I'm sure we can find you something, people are always looking for help.”

I smile at him. His skin worn, his eyes tired. A body that has worked all its life and is still going. The Rivera’s have always worked their fingers to the bone. Day and night they're out on their ranches doing what they love.

“I'm sure you could get a couple of gigs singing, Tripp tells me you're causing quite a storm back in the city?”

And my heart falls deep into my chest.

If only you knew.

“I don't know about that,” I laugh my nerves off. “I don't have my guitar. I hire one back where I live; my dad broke my one up before I left home.” I pause for a moment and I feel a surge of hot tears burning behind my eyes. I haven't thought about my guitar in a long time. My mom bought it for me one birthday, I had been asking for one since I was five. It was the most cherished gift she could have given me. But he took it from me, like everything else and destroyed it along with my happiness. I was just grateful that I still had her pendant. My fingers find it on their own accord and my heart soars back into my chest.

Two stars and a moon. Tied in an infinite bond. Always there, even when I couldn't see her.

My eyes flutter ever so slightly, and a tear rolls down my cheek.

“I'm sorry Dixie, I never meant to make you cry,” he grumbles, leaning forward on his chair and resting his elbows on the table.

“It wasn't you, I got upset over a memory,” I nod, half laughing, half choking on a sob as I palm the stray tear away.

“But I am sorry, no child should have to go through what you did...” he pauses just as Orla walks back into the room with a sleeping Lainey.

“Oh honey, are you okay?” she says softly when she sees my red rimmed eyes, careful not to wake Lainey.

I nod.

Because the truth is, I am okay. I will heal from this, I will rise, like a Phoenix from the ashes. I will rise, I will soar.

Standing, I say goodbye to Jorge and carefully take Lainey from Orla's arms.

“Thank you,” I whisper, as I cuddle my daughter to my chest and walk up the stairs to our bedroom. I huff when I reach the door and it's shut.

The handles are rounded doorknobs and the way I am holding Lainey prevents me from reaching for it.

“Damn it,” I say a little louder than intended. Bending my knees slightly, I try and twist the knob with my elbow, but it slips right off causing my arm to jolt and Lainey stirs.

I really don't want to wake her. She fussed all last night, and I could feel the bumps in her gums where two teeth are threatening to break through.

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