Page 112 of Wildest Dreams

The last fewdays whizzed by quickly and we somehow fell into a new routine. Tripp helped with Lainey whilst I was on the ranch with Riggs doing what I could to help lighten the load. He looked tired, working long hours then up most of the night dealing with Austin's lawyers along with Buck and Blue.

Pacey was due home tomorrow so Orla was trying to get everything sorted for him, whilst Jorge stayed at the hospital until he was ready to leave. As the hours ticked by, I was getting more cautious about Lucian turning up. He said four weeks. We were rolling into the third week, and he had gone silent, and I wish I could say that was a good thing, but it wasn't. He was planning, plotting, no doubt with Wallen.

Uneasiness settles in my chest, and I have to take myself away from the table, a crushing weight falling onto my shoulders.

Tripp calls after me, and in this moment, I am glad he can't follow me. Shutting myself away in my room, I slide down the door and try my hardest to suck as much air into my lungs as possible, but it didn't matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to help. The weight on my shoulders rolled down into my chest and the uneasiness was replaced by a tight elastic band sitting just under my breasts. I was being crushed. This is how I was going to die.

Closing my eyes, my fingers curling into a ball and flexing straight. I continued this rhythm as I focused on my breathing, willing that it would soon be over.

A knock on my bedroom door has me jumping when I hear Riggs' voice.

“You okay, kid? Tripp sent me up.”

“I'm fine,” I choke out, the air snatched from my lungs as the tightness presents itself again.

“Let me in,” he tries to push against me, but I push back.

“No,” my voice cracks.

“Dixie, let me in,” his voice is urgent now, the familiar Riggs gruffness filling the small space.

I ignore him, tears streaming down my face.

“If you don't let me in, I’ll break the fucking door down,” and I know he means it. He would rip the door from its hinges if he needed to.

I sniff, nodding to an empty room and only then do I twist onto my knees and open the bedroom door. His eyes find mine, and I feel like a child.

“Shit,” he grunts, lowering himself down and pulling me in for a cuddle. He holds me like this for what feels like forever. I would never have dreamt that me and Riggs would grow closer. We never crossed paths until the day I turned up all those weeks ago, but now, I have never been more grateful for him. He was the big brother I never had but somehow always needed.

“Thank you,” I mutter, hands on his chest as I push away gently.

“Do you suffer with them a lot?” he asks, placing his hand on his bent knee as he stands up, a grunt leaving him as he does.

“With what?” I ask, dumbfounded.

“Panic attacks,” and suddenly it all makes sense. I shake my head from side to side.

“What set you off?” he asks, and my mask is torn off with his question, my vulnerability bleeding at his feet.

I keep quiet for a moment, but my eyes deceive me, tears filling my ocean blue eyes and I ignore the burn that radiates behind them as I refuse to blink, because as soon as I do, fresh tears will roll down my cheeks.

“You can talk to me Dix...” his voice is soft, eyes full of worry.

I whimper as I hold it all in.

“Are you going to break my brother’s heart?” he asks, and I shake my head violently from side to side. But when the question actually settles in my brain, I realise I have just lied. Because either way, one of us going to end up heartbroken, or perhaps both of us. Lucian never breaks his word.

“You over worked?” and I see the guilt flash in his light green eyes as I shake my head again. “Then what? Is it Lainey?”

“No,” I whisper, I am still sitting on the floor, throat hoarse from crying.

“Is it that fucking cunt who followed you to your house?” and my eyes widen.

“Lucian,” I whisper the name, worried in case saying it out loud makes him appear.

“How did you…” I pause and furrow my brows.

“Give me some credit,” he scoffs a laugh, but there wasn't any harshness to his voice.

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