Page 78 of That One Heartbreak

There was a pause again. Then he cleared his throat.

“Kate, I hate hearing you so upset. Let me help you.”

But he couldn’t. She felt like she was spiraling. She looked at her bed, remembering what they did in it last night. How he made her feel so good in his arms. How he took care of her.

She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him.

“I have to go,” she told him, because she couldn’t let him hear her break down.

“Don’t go. Not like this. Kate…”

But she hung up. And turned her phone off, right as the sobs started wracking her body.

She’d messed everything up. She felt so torn.

She let herself cry for five long minutes, then went back downstairs because she was a mom, and she had responsibilities.

“Everything okay?” her mom asked as Kate walked into the kitchen. She was finally up, sitting at the kitchen table, sipping some water. And she actually did look ill. Her face was pale and free of cosmetics, her hair swept back.

Kate opened her mouth to say everything was fine, the way she always did.

But instead a sob escaped her lips. Because no, everything wasn’t fine. It hadn’t been fine for years. She’d tried so hard, tried to be strong.

And moments ago she’d messed things up with the one man who’d made her feel alive again.

Kate’s mom stood up and wrapped her arms around her. “Oh honey, you poor thing. Carlton told me you’d been upset at the fire station.” She stroked Kate’s head, like she used to when she was little.

Her mom smelled of her childhood. Like daisies. God, it made her feel worse.

“Carlton told me about Paul’s photograph.”

Kate sobbed again. Because seeing his photograph on the fire station wall felt like an ending. He’d never change. He’d always be that man smiling out from the wall. And she was moving on. Or at least she’d thought she was last night.

And now? She just felt sick.

“Did you feel guilty about Dad?” Kate whispered. “When you married Carlton?”

Her mom stroked Kate’s hair. “Of course I did. But I knew he would have wanted me to move on. I was young, like you. But I wasn’t brave like you are.”

“I’m not brave.”

“Yes, you are,” her mom said softly. “You have three kids. You have a job. You were already in college when I lost your dad. I didn’t have to be strong for anybody. I just wallowed.”

“I’ve been wallowing, too.”

“No.” Her mom’s voice was sure. “I’ve been watching you. I’ve never seen anybody as strong as you are. You’ve been there for the kids, been there for everybody. Except yourself.” She cupped Kate’s wet cheeks with her hands. “Is this about the date you went on?”

“Carlton told you about that?”

Her mom nodded.

“It’s not about the date,” Kate told her. “That was no good.”

“But you tried. And I’m so proud of you.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Kate said honestly. “I’m an idiot. I’m weak. I should be able to do this alone without crying. I just need to be strong.”

“You think strength is about doing everything alone?” her mom asked, frowning. “That’s not strength. That’s trauma. And it’s understandable, honey. You’ve been through so much. Losing Daddy. Losing Paul…”

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