Page 27 of Forbidden Impulses

Chapter Nineteen

Annie

Standing in front of the mirror, I can't help but stare at the stranger staring back at me.

I'm a mess.

Well. That's a sentence with double meaning if ever I've uttered one.

Physically, I'm wrecked. After Monte cleaned me out, he filled me right up again. As a result, I'm delightfully sore and covered in cum. Lorcan took my no-permanent marks rule to heart and left a bunch of non-permanent ones in the form of love bites all over my body. To top it off, I have the most epic case of sex-hair ever and I'm pretty sure it's going to take at least half a bottle of conditioner to work through all the tangles caused by the men.

But that isn't even the half of it.

As much as my physical appearance shows I was thoroughly fucked, it isn't enough to show how fucked-up I am inside.

Different emotions war fordominance and a sheen of tears threaten to fall, but I push them down, knowing that once I give in to them, I won't be able to stop.

They're perfect. Everything I could have ever wanted. Their lovemaking—and there is no way to describe it other than that—was hot, hard, yet still tender enough to show they cared. They also already had everything figured out. I was a baby compared to them. And nowhere close to being in the right frame of mind to start anything serious with two grown-ass men.

And it was clear from the way they spoke to me and the things they said that they were looking for something more. Something serious. Something... permanent.

I really don't think I can be that.

Not to mention that I have all of this guilt building up inside me over Suzie and not being open with her about what's happening.

What am I going to do?

A knock on the bathroom door jolts me from my internal turmoil.

"You okay in there, babygirl?" Monte calls out to me.

"Yeah!" I respond, but my voice breaks, betraying my emotional state. "Just getting cleaned up," I say after clearing my throat.

"Okay, darling. We'll be here when you're done." His careful words let me know he can tell something is up, but I'm thankful he's giving me the space I need.

The hot pressure of the shower works wonders on my abused muscles, and if there are some tears that end up running down the drain with the soapy water, then no one is the wiser, right?

I luxuriate in their scent surrounding me, the smell of their shampoo and soap covering my body. By the timethe water runs cold, I feel a bit more centered and ready to face them.

With a clean body comes a clarity I dearly need.

I might not deserve these men. Or the friend I have waiting for me in her room. I need to get my head fixed and my heart mended. But I can give myself this week. This time with the guys. And then when we go home, I'll part ways.

Suzie might have put up a fight previously, but no way will she fight with me to stay with her when she finds out I had sex with her dads. She'll probably kick me out of the house herself.

But I'll give myself these few days with them. As long as Suzie takes to recover, I'll give myself this guilt-free time with Lorcan and Monte.

"Feel better?" Monte asks me as I step out of the bathroom in a fluffy white robe I found hanging behind the door. Both he and Lorcan are sitting together on the bed, fully dressed. Not quite cuddled up together, but the way they're turned toward each other is a clear sign they were, at the very least, in the middle of a serious conversation when I walked out.

"Actually, yeah," I respond, forcing a smile and hoping that at some point, the emotion will become real. More than anything, I want this experience with them to be enjoyable. One day, when I look back on it, when I'm all sad, old, and lonely, I want fond memories. "I was wondering if you two would mind taking me somewhere?"

Lorcan is the first to respond. "Anywhere."

Warm, genuine laughter bubbles from my chest when I sit down on the bed with them. Two pairs of hands instantly pull me closer and into their embrace. Andsuddenly, being in the middle of these two insanely passionate men is everything in the world I need.

"You might want to clarify before you give me blanket approval like that," I warn, giggling. "What if I want to go to the salon and get both of you makeovers?"

Lorcan takes me by the chin and makes me look him in the eye. "Then I'll do what any self-respecting Daddy would. I'll suffer through the indignity and enjoy every moment of it, because that's what my girl wants."

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