Page 80 of Resisting my Roommate

“I’m in love with you, Jude.” The words tumble out, each one heavy with the emotions I’ve been holding back for too long now. “I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but I can’t get on that plane without you knowing. Without telling you I love you.”

The silence in the car threatens to suffocate me, the weight of my confession hanging between us.

Finally, Jude lets out a long breath and closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

“I can’t be the reason you stay.Won’tbe the reason you stay.”

“I’m not asking you to be the reason I stay,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I’m asking if there’s any part of you that doesn’t want me to go. That might feel the same way about me.”

“I can’t do it again,” he murmurs, almost too quietly for me to hear. “I can’t let myself love someone and lose them again.”

The pain in his voice breaks something inside of me, and I reach out, placing my hand over his and squeezing. “You won’t lose me, Jude.”

He shakes his head, defeated. “I can’t take that risk, Abbey. I told you from the beginning. I’m not the guy who can give you what you need. That hasn’t changed because of a few weeks of great sex.”

“A few weeks of great sex?” I withdraw my hand, tears blurring my vision. “Is that all I am to you?”

I meet his gaze, pleading with him to tell me the truth. To tell me I changed everything for him, like he changed everything for me. To finally be honest with himself.

“That’s all you are.” His response wavers, his voice betraying him. But it doesn’t matter. I won’t fight for someone who refuses to fight for himself. Who continues to lie to himself. I deserve better than that.

I wrench open the door and hurry to grab my suitcase from the back. But before I can, he’s doing it for me, placing the bag on the ground and extending the handle.

“You don’t need to walk me inside,” I tell him firmly. “I can manage on my own.”

“Abbey, please.”

“After all, it was just sex.” I spit out bitterly. “Fuck buddies don’t do tearful airport goodbyes, Jude.”

I grab the handle and am about to storm away, but he grips my hand, preventing me from running.

“Abbey…” My name comes out strained, evidencing how much he’s struggling with this.

And I know he is.

As our eyes meet one last time, I see everything he wishes he could hide from me — his regret, his pain…his love.

Which is why I don’t yank my hand free from his.

“I’m sorry.” His voice breaks.

“Yeah,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. “Me too.”

Several seconds tick by as he looks between my face and my hand, as if debating what to do. Whether he should take a risk like I just did.

With a long exhale, he shakes his head and releases me, allowing me to walk away from him.

So that’s what I do, even though each step feels like a knife twisting in my gut.

I thought rebuilding my life after Carson’s betrayal was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

I was wrong.

Walking away from Jude is ten times worse.

Because I know he loves me.

He’s just too scared to admit it.

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