Page 76 of Resisting my Roommate

“So you’d…what? Get married?” I ask, half-joking.

“She’s done with all of that after her last marriage,” he explains. “Hell, I’m not even sure she’ll go for my proposition. But we could raise the kid together. As friends. She trusts me, and if she’s not going the IVF route with an anonymous donor, shouldn’t trust be the most important factor? Or am I crazy for even thinking about this?”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re a good friend. Gen’s lucky to have you.”

I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze, wanting him to see the meaning in my words. Then I pull back, leaning against the back of the bar.

“I can’t tell you what to do since this is a decision only you can make, but there’s something to be said for having a baby with a friend, instead of someone you’re romantically involvedwith. You don’t have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with a relationship.” I pause, narrowing my gaze at him. “Unless you’re not sure you can separate things.”

“I’m just worried this could ruin our friendship. Not the part where we raise a baby together. But the part where wemakethe baby.” He takes another long sip from his beer.

I wish I had more words of wisdom for him, but I meant what I said. This isn’t something I can decide for him. He has to do it for himself.

“Well, enough of my bullshit. What’s going on with yours? How are you handling things with Abbey leaving?” He brings his glass to his lips, the amber liquid sloshing against the sides. “Do you plan on finally coming clean before she leaves or are you planning on being a pussy forever?”

I give him a quizzical look. “What are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. Letting Abbey leave without telling her that you love her.”

My throat tightens and I avert my gaze. “I don’t,” I stammer. “It’s not?—”

“It is, Jude. Whether you want to believe it or not. You love her. I see it. Hell, the entire town sees it. When areyougoing to see it?”

I part my lips, searching for the words I need to tell him he’s wrong, but Finn knows me better than most. I can deny it all I want, but he knows the truth.

I do, too.

Even if I wish it weren’t the case.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” I say softly, swallowing hard. “I can’t give her what she needs.”

“Can’t?” Finn asks. “Or won’t?”

“What’s the difference?”

“There’s a big difference. One suggests an inability. The other, a reluctance.”

“She deserves to move on and be happy,” I tell him, repeating the same mantra I’ve told myself the past several days. Then I push off the counter and make my way out from behind the bar to help clear a few tables in the hopes of avoiding this conversation.

“You do, too.”

Finn’s response causes me to pause in my tracks.

Can I ever truly be happy?

Can I put myself through that again when I know how it feels to have that happiness ripped away?

I scan the taproom, easily finding Abbey amongst the sea of people. I wish I could give her what she wants. What she deserves.

I just don’t know if I’m ready. If I’ll ever be ready.

I’ve spent the past several years drowning somewhere between anger and denial. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to pull myself back up above water.

Not anymore.

CHAPTER THIRTY

ABBEY

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