Page 60 of Vow to Me

He climbs to his feet, and I take in his appearance. His usually pristine suit appears disheveled, his hair seems ruffled, and he has dark circles under his eyes, as if he hasn’t been sleeping.

I guess that makes the two of us.

“I had to see you with my own eyes baby, can we talk? Please.”

I sigh before unlocking the door to Enzo’s apartment and waving my arm to gesture for him to come inside before closing the door behind me.

I take a seat on the armchair—not wanting to sit on the sofa and give him the opportunity to sit too close to me. But rather than sitting on the sofa, he sits down on the coffee table in front of me. His hand twitches and he clasps his hands together and leans his arms on his knees as if he’s trying to stop himself from reaching out to me.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Iz, I know that won’t mean anything to you, but I just needed to say the words. You’re my fucking life, baby. My everything. Please tell me there’s some way we can fix this.” Theres’s desperation in his tone and it breaks my heart to see him so fucked up over this, but I can’t risk my own heart breaking again.

“I know you are.” I give him a sad smile while willing myself not to cry. “There’s nothing to fix, Luca, this was always going to end one way or another.” I stand and walk to the window to look down at the street. “I’m grateful for everything we shared, but I can’t do it anymore. I always thought I was strong, I thought I could handle anything. But I’m not, you broke me, Luca.” My voice cracks on the last word and I turn to face him. I didn’t even hear him approach me, but as I turn, I realize he must have gotten up while I was speaking, because he’s standing right in front of me, unshed tears in his eyes that threaten to weaken my resolve.

Luca drops to his knees right in front of me, his chest heaving as though he’s struggling to catch his breath.

“I can’t do any of this without you, Izzy. I can’t fucking breathe without you. Every second I’m away from you I feel like I’m struggling to take a breath, I’m drowning and you’re the only hope of my survival. I’m begging you, Izzy, please just give me a chance to prove just how much I fucking love you. You know I’m not the type of man to ever beg for anything, but I’ll happily stay on my fucking knees for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. I’ll do anything, Iz. You want space for a while? I’ll do that. You want dates and flowers? Done. You want me to burn the city to ashes foryou baby? Just say the word and I’ll light the match while kneeling at your feet. Just give me a chance to love you with everything I have.” He heaves in a breath and hangs his head, but I can still see the tears running down his face.

“I’m sorry. I love you, Luca, but I can’t be with you.” My lips tremble as I force myself to say the words, and he nods silently before standing. He approaches me carefully, as if he’s worried that I’ll bolt the second he comes close and wipes the tears from my face before pressing a light kiss to my forehead which only makes me cry harder.

“I’ll always love you, Izzy,” he whispers into my hair before he pulls back. He gives me one last look, full of shame, remorse and heartbreak before he turns and walks out the door with his head tilted down.

As soon as the door closes behind him, I fall to my knees, my legs unable to keep me standing any longer. The remnants of my shattered heart scatter to the floor around me while the other half of my soul just walked out of the door.

Chapter Forty-Four

Luca

The door closes behind me and I lean against my back against the door. The sound of Izzy’s cries is faint as she breaks down just on the other side and the sound guts me. All I want to do is walk back in there, take her in my arms and comfort her. But she’s not mine to comfort, not anymore.

My eyes sting, the result of leaving myself bare in front of the only woman I’ll ever love. I use the sleeve of my jacket to wipe my face, trying to regain my composure and tilt my head back, attempting to take a deep breath.

I hear footsteps coming down the hall and I know how it is before I even open my eyes. The asshole always has the worst possible timing.

“How the fuck did you find—” He cuts off as I turn to him, his eyes widening as he takes in my appearance. Yeah, I probably look like shit, yet I really can’t bring myself to give a fuck.

“Fuck,” he mutters before closing the distance between us and wrapping his arms around me.

The gesture brings me a sense of comfort as I mirror him and sob into his shoulder. I can’t even remember the last time I huggedone of my brothers. Hell, the last time I cried was when my mother died twenty-two years ago.

“Come on, let’s get you home where we can drink all of our problems away.” He pulls back and nods before walking towards the elevator.

I follow him with my head bowed. “I can’t go back to my apartment, Enzo. I can’t fucking do it.”

He nods in understanding. “Then we’ll go to Marco’s and drink a bottle of his expensive whiskey, he can’t refuse to share like he usually would, you’re hurting brother. What kind of brother would he be if he didn’t let us drown out our issues” he says with a smirk, and I roll my eyes at him. Marco likes to collect the expensive shit, and Enzo’s always harping at him to share, yet he never fucking does.

Enzo drives us across the city to our brother’s apartment. I’m not one to normally turn up at my brother’s apartment unannounced, but apparently, I’m just letting Enzo take the reins for once.

“You knew, didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t come to Chicago, because you knew she wouldn’t be there,” I say.

“Yeah, I did. I’m not sorry Luca, she needed me, and I was there, I won’t apologize for that.”

“I know,” I murmur, “thank you for being there for her, for believing in her when I wouldn’t, and taking care of her when she needed it.”

“I didn’t do it for you, bro. She’s like a sister to me and I’ll always be there if she needs me, just like I am to you. I don’t know whatwill happen between the two of you, but if you can’t work it out, don’t expect me to choose sides. I won’t do it Luca.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I’m glad she has you man, she needs someone in her corner—even if that someone isn’t me,” I whisper the last sentence, not trusting my voice not to crack and he gives me a solemn nod, the emotion that flashes behind his eyes tells me he knows exactly how close I am to having a fucking breakdown and I slump back in my seat, closing my eyes for the rest of the drive.

“We’re here man, come on.” Enzo parks the car on the pavement in front of the apartment complex and we make our way up to the penthouse that Marco occupies. My father bought us a penthouse apartment on each of our eighteenth birthdays and we all still live in them to this day—other than Enzo’s new apartment that’s conveniently located opposite a certain bookstore.

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