Page 84 of Pretty Heartache

I thread my fingers through Adeline’s hair as I hold the shower sprayer over her head, massaging the soap through her long, dark strands. Her strawberry-scented shampoo mixes with the brown dirt. Suds swirl at our feet as evidence of what we did in the backyard disappearing down the drain. Bubbles trail down the length of her back and over the flower tattoo inked into the skin along her ribs.

My chest expands looking at her, and I think back to how long I’ve known Adeline. I remember the first time I met her when Archer invited me over to his house during freshman year of high school. Adeline was only two years old at the time. Her mother had her strapped into a stroller, just having come back from a run in the neighborhood. Adeline’s hair was pulled into two braided pigtails. I’d barely given her any notice, and when I think back on it, neither did Archer.

Granted, we were high as a fucking kite, about to head out for a movie, but I think back to that day and wonder if Archer noticed the contempt their father held for Adeline—even a hint or an inkling.

I don’t think he did or else he would have done more to protect Adeline. Either he lived in ignorant bliss or was tooafraid to speak out, because despite the shit my best friend has put his family and friends through, and despite what he’s put me through, I know he has a big heart.

But mine breaks for Adeline now. She’s had to endure years of pain and neglect, feeling alone. I wish I’d known the truth even then.

If I had, I wonder if there was anything I could have done.WouldI have done anything?

Guilt stabs at my chest for thinking I was doing the right thing when, in reality, my need to protect her was misguided. Maybe if I hadn’t done what I did, Adeline wouldn’t have suffered for as long as she did.

My fingers slide over her skin now, tracing over her pink flower. She steps back, nearly bringing her back to my chest. I lean down, pressing my mouth to the hollow of her ear.

Goosebumps rise and prickle her skin.

I want to drop the showerhead and sink back into Adeline, but I hold back, admiring her and savoring this moment instead.

“Do you feel better now you’ve repaired the garden box?” I ask.

She inhales a shaky breath, shivering again when my mouth moves over her ear. She leans into me. “Yes.”

“Good.” I trail my fingers down her ribs. “You can do whatever you want.”

“With the garden?” She turns in my arms. “Or with you?”

Hook, line, and sinker. Adeline’s completely hijacked my heart. She holds it in her hands with the ability to do with it what she pleases.

“Both,” I tell her, surrendering to this feeling.

Two years I spent in prison rethinking the decisions I made throughout my life. There was nothing for me to do but sit in my cell alone, wondering if I’d made the right decision. My sentence was harsh, and I spent every single day angry at the judge forusing me to send a message. But I also spent my time thinking my life was lost. Every hope and dream vanished in the matter of days.

I thought my life was over.

Adeline may be twelve years younger than me and in a different phase of her life, but I see a future with her. I see the future I thought was ripped away from me.

Adeline is a gift. A gift I wasn’t expecting.

I wrap my free hand around her neck and bring her in for a kiss. Her mouth is warm and molds to mine as if she was made for me.

“What are you doing to me?” I ask her, pulling away.

The corner of her mouth lifts and she falls back against the tile. “You might not know, but I know what you’re doing to me.”

I drop the showerhead and tower over her, placing my hand above her head. “What am I doing?” I ask, my voice low.

“The same thing you’ve always done.” Her eyes search mine. “I fell for you a long time ago, Micah. There was a time I never thought this would be possible, chalking it up to a meaningless crush. But all the days my heart hummed in anticipation at the thought of seeing you weren’t meaningless. I know you never paid attention to me, but I’ve always noticed you. You stole my heart a long time ago.”

I inhale a deep breath, the cold air hitting my skin after the absence of the hot water spraying on us, and I lean in and kiss her. We don’t speak again, instead allowing her words to sink into both of our souls. They make a home, healing both our souls.

I still haven’t told Adeline the real reason I went to prison, but I push it to the back of my mind right now.

I want to take my time with her. I want to live in this moment, knowing I deserve it. Telling myself I deserve it.

Life is full of heartache, but life with Adeline isn’t.

I fall to my knees in front of her and lift her leg over my shoulder, then bury my face between her legs, dipping my tongue between her slits. She’s warm and wet, tilting her head back against the tile on a gasp.

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