Page 67 of Pretty Heartache

I’ve talked to Lennon several times since he forced my break on me. We haven’t talked about when I’ll return to work, but we have dabbled in conversation about some of the accounts I was running before my break.

Olivia, Lennon’s secretary, has emailed me weekly updates and reports Lennon has sent her to forward on to me. Other than that, and our family meetups, we haven’t talked much. At least not about the nitty gritty truth.

“Abbey has herWizard of Ozplay today.” Jude fills Lennon in.

“Oh, right.” Lennon nods, waving to the waitress. Once again, she disappears and comes back seconds later with his drink. “Excited to hear about it. Lucy has a concert next week.”

“I won’t be able to make it.” Jude frowns, his forehead creasing. “But Victoria said she’ll make sure she’s there.”

A knot in my chest tightens listening to them talk kids back and forth. Jude goes on about how proud he is of his daughter Abbey, and how his son Cade took his first steps today. Lennon talks about how his kids, Lucy and Holden, got into a big fight the other day, causing them to be grounded for a week.

I think back to when I told Adeline I feel left behind, like I missed out on the passcode to get into their exclusive club. If there were any moment where I feel left out or behind, this is it. School plays and concerts. It’s a world completely out of my orbit.

I sit in silence, sipping on my drink while my brothers chat about their family lives. Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of the front door, and my body itches to leave. I think about Adeline and watching her climb into the back seat of Ray’s car. I find my mind wandering, wanting to know where she is andwhat she’s doing right now. The urge to hop in my car and find her swells and inflates in my chest.

But the balloon pops the second I hear Lennon’s voice.

“So, Micah,” Lennon says, swallowing a bite of his roasted asparagus and eggs. “How’s the break been going?”

“Honestly, I’m surprised you’ve waited until now to ask me.”

His eyebrows slant. “I’ve asked you how you’re doing.”

“Not really. We’ve talked about the work I left unfinished and Jude helping out with the shed a few weeks back, but nothing about my break.”

He wipes his napkin across his mouth and takes a deep breath. “I’m asking you now, then. How has your break been? How’s the house coming along?”

“Fine.” I try to brush off the bitterness I feel toward my brothers. It isn’t their fault my life has turned out the way it has. My decisions have been mine alone, and the consequences of my choices, too. “The house is almost finished.”

“I told you we could have had the renovations done in, like, two months,” Jude interjects. “You could have had it listed and sold at this point.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted,” Lennon says, sipping on his drink. “You wanted to move on. Get your life together.” His eyes dart to my drink. “Though, I see you haven’t tried to stop drinking.”

I purse my lips and chew on the inside of my cheek and my eyes dart to Jude, but he simply keeps his focus on his plate.

“We all know drinking was never an issue of mine.” I grit my teeth and pin my eyes on my older brother. I chance a look at Jude again, hoping he doesn’t take my comment as a dig at his sobriety. I’m proud of his ability to overcome his past and his struggle with alcohol, but I can’t stand it when Lennon assumes my issues are just like his, even if he doesn’t know the whole story or the truth.

“You’re right.” Lennon drapes his arms over the table. “Pills were.”

There have been few times since our father died where I’ve seen rare glimpses of him in my brother. There are even times I’ve seen him in myself.

The times I’ve seen him in me have been when I’ve caught myself looking in a mirror after I’ve just destroyed someone’s life over money. When I catch others at their most vulnerable. Weak and broke, the Hardings come in like dark knights, delivering the worst news anyone can receive. Ripping their livelihoods out from underneath them.

But then there are these moments when I see my father in Lennon. As the eldest son, I know he’s fought hard to put as much distance between our father’s reputation and the one he has made for himself. But then there are these moments, where he stares at me with skepticism, like a disappointment, unable to let go of my past, never believing I can truly change when the truth is, I’ve always been the same.

“It’s different now,” I lie, holding back the desire to spill the truth to my brothers. “I haven’t sold the house yet because I’m thinking of keeping it.”

“What made you change your mind?” Lennon tilts his head.

“Does it have to do with Adeline staying there?” Jude questions.

“Adeline?” Lennon’s eyebrows dart across his forehead. “You mean Adeline Mayfield? Archer’s sister?”

“Yeah.” I swallow, relaxing in my seat. I don’t want to give too much away. “She needed a place to stay after moving out here from LA. I don’t know how long she’s staying, but I’m helping her out.”

“I’ve told you to be careful around the Mayfields.” Lennon switches into lecture mode, the one where he acts like he’s myparent. “Considering your past with Archer, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay close to Adeline.”

“She doesn’t really speak to her family.” I brush his concern off. I know Adeline. She isn’t as transparent as everyone believes her to be.

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