Page 44 of Pretty Heartache

“I only meant I was getting used to seeing you in jeans and a T-shirt,” she clarifies.

I pinch my tie between my fingers and glance down at it. I drop it and lean against the arm of my chair. I study Adeline, focusing on the way her eyes shimmer in the sunlight.

“Breakfast with my brothers.”

“Do you normally meet them for breakfast?”

“Ever since our father died.” I clear my throat, allowing Addy’s stare to consume me. “We’ve always been close but even more so after he passed. It’s tough because no matter how much my brothers made me feel like I was one of them, my father reminded me daily that his support for me only came from obligation.”

Her eyes turn down at the corners, and her gorgeous mouth frowns. “Obligation?”

“Aside from money, my father only cared about one thing: image. He could lie and cheat his entire life as long as his image wasn’t tarnished. When it came out that my mother was pregnant with me after an affair he’d had with her, he couldn’t deny me. My mother threatened to expose all his lies and the illegal activity she’d witnessed during her time with him. Unlike his wife—my older brothers’ mother—mine was a stripper. Her career was ruined when she’d found out she was pregnant, andwithout James Harding’s support, we would have been living on the street. Apparently, James couldn’t have that.”

Adeline sighs, pressing her mouth into a thin line as she nods. “So, he cared for you out of obligation?”

“Yep. Though I guess you could say I was lucky. Better to have him claim me out of obligation than to be raised in some back alley under a tent, sleeping on a bed of cardboard boxes.”

An emotion washes over her face that I can’t explain, and It tugs on my chest. I want to cross the room and wrap my arms around her.

“I’m familiar with the feeling of being loved out of obligation.” Her shoulders rise and fall on a heavy breath. “When, deep down, you know the truth and how it isn’t true love.”

Her confession slams into my chest like a ton of bricks. I understand her, but the deeper part of me wants to know who she’s talking about.

Is she talking about Archer? Someone she dated? Her parents?

I realize I don’t know much about Adeline personally, despite having known her most of her life, but these glimpses she’s given me the past few months have opened a side of myself that’s laid dormant for quite some time.

My heart hurts knowing there’s been a time when she felt someone didn’t give her honest love.

“Do you ever feel like you’ve wasted time?” she asks me, her voice heavy and weighted. “Like your life should be on a different path if you’d just changed one thing?”

The pile of bricks on my chest grows heavier. I look into her eyes, and my heart fractures. The cracks widen, exposing the feelings I’ve locked away for years.

“I do.” I sit back in my chair, loosening my tie. “When I got out of prison, I struggled to find my footing. My place. Spendingthe time away from the life I was building set me back. Every breakfast I meet with my brothers is another reminder of where I should be at this stage of my life. At my age, they were already married, their wives pregnant with the first or second?—”

“You aren’t that old,” she cuts in.

I chuckle. “To you. But when you reach your thirties, it’s like, suddenly, you’re more focused on where you should be in life than any other time. Your twenties are spent discovering yourself. You aren’t really looking too far into the future, or thinking what the consequences will be of the choices you make. When you’re in your thirties, you’ve already discovered who you are.”

Her eyebrows pinch together. “Says who?”

I pause, unsure of how to answer her question. “I don’t think anyone says it should be that way.” I attempt to explain, reaching and grabbing at the first thoughts that come to mind. “I think it’s more about how everyone’s lives around yours constantly shifts. Most people in their thirties have kids and are married. Then there are the stragglers, like me, who feel we’ve somehow been left behind, or we’ve missed out on some secret password to get into their exclusive club.”

“I don’t think you’ve been left behind or missed out on the password. There’s no magic wand or secret to getting there,” she argues, tucking her long brown hair behind her ear. “Everyone’s lives move at different paces, Micah. Not everyone is the same.”

I give her a smile of appreciation, but it’s hard to accept her comment when I’ve sacrificed so much for the ones I love and all it’s gotten me is feeling hollow.

“Consider yourself lucky,” I tell her. “You’re twenty-one. You’re still in the process of discovering who you are.”

Her mouth twitches. I want to kiss it away, but I hold myself back. Again.

She tilts her head to the side and grins. “How do you know I haven’t already discovered who I am?”

I smile back. “I don’t, but I’m sure I could find out.”

What the fuck does that even mean?

I’m certain Adeline can hear my heart pounding in my chest. For the longest time, I’ve been living in the dark, but now that I’m sitting here in the sunlight with her, I’ve opened my heart to her, sharing parts of my soul I’ve never shared with anyone before now.

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