Page 65 of Sweet Nothings

He runs an exhausted hand down the side of his face, tears welling in his bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry. I was at this fundraiser for the fraternity.”

I charge toward him, the sour scent of alcohol hitting my nose inches from his face. “Are you fucking drunk?”

His blood shot eyes wobble, unfocused as he sniffs. Pain, guilt, fear, and too much alcohol. That’s all I see.

“Yes.” He sighs. “Dad urged me to go.”

“No.” I point an angry finger at him. “You don’t fucking blame this on him.”

“Everything is his fault!” he yells back. He runs another exhausted hand down the side of his face.

“Trust me when I say the man deserves to burn in Hell for every single fucking thing he’s done, and I want to blame him for it all. But you’re responsible for your own fucking choices, little brother. Get a fucking grip.”

“Where is he?” Jude asks, venom clouding his blue eyes. The same eyes as our mother.

“Dad?” I ask, lifting a brow. “Fuck if I know. You’re the one always trying to crawl up his ass just to please him.”

“Fuck you, Len,” he spits, the veins in his neck bulging. “You’re just as much of a suck up to Dad and you know it.”

“Yeah, well, I never let it get in the way of taking care of Mom, did I?”

“You’re an asshole,” he says, quietly.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry, Jude. I didn’t mean it.” I look up at my brother apologetically.

He steels his face and sniffs, hardening his drunk eyes.

“We shouldn’t be arguing right now.” He looks over my shoulder, his eyes immediately softening when he sees her.

“No, we shouldn’t.”

“What did the doctor say?” He moves to the other side of the bed. Jude grabs her other hand and holds onto it. He gently sits beside her.

I choke on the words, unable to get them out. My vision blurs, and I sniff, holding back the tears from suffocating me. Ishake my head. I need to be strong for my brother. I need to be strong for her because my father never could be.

“I have to make a choice,” I manage to choke out.

“What?” Jude gasps, looking over his shoulder and twisting to look up at me.

“She put me in charge of deciding. The doctor says there’s nothing they can do.”

“What the fuck?” My brother runs his hands through his hair. My heart shatters as I watch his face transition, the reality slamming into him. His neck hardens, and his mouth turns down in a frown as he chokes on a sob. His shoulders quake, and the sound of his voice as he cries breaks me. If I wasn’t already broken, I know I am now.

“No, Mom.” He leans forward and rests his head on her hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry.”

I watch my mother, willing her to react. Anything to prove to the doctors she isn’t as damaged as they say she is. I want her to prove they’re liars.

When I look at her, I swear I see her large, round, midnight blue eyes open. A kaleidoscope of fear and love swirling in them.

“What are you going to do, Lennon?”

“What?” I ask on a breath, darting my eyes to my little brother. Even in his drunken state, his eyes are wide open. It’s as if I can see straight into his broken soul. I wish I could reach inside and fix him. I wish I could grab my mother’s hand and she’d magically wake from this nightmare.

“What are you going to do?” Jude asks again, desperation in his voice. “What are you going to do?”

My entire body is rigid,hard as stone. I want to scream, but the sound gets caught in my throat. At least momentarily. I workaround the panic, and before I realize it, my voice is bleeding into the shadows of my bedroom. White knuckled, I clutch onto my bed sheets, hoping they’ll anchor me. But the panic comes back in an unrelenting and unforgiving wave, the sound of the beeping machine echoing in my brain.

“Fuck!” I scream into my pillow. Tears stream down my face, and my neck tightens. I can feel the veins bulging from my skin, begging to burst.

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