Page 22 of Mine

An inexplicable feeling comes over me as I scan my three items and drop them into the paper bag I’ve set off to the side. I try not to glance up, seeing if Natalie is still hanging around. When I don’t see her, I chalk my feeling up to nothing. It’s been an odd day to say the least. All I feel like doing is going home to my wife, hoping she’ll be okay with us skipping dinner and going straight to bed.

Nine

Logan

All the sunlight has left the sky by the time I make it home. I didn’t intentionally try to be late. There was unusual traffic on the way home and no matter which way I’d tried to find a quicker way out, I was stuck.

The storm clouds that flooded the sky in the afternoon are now completely gone. The full moon hangs above, shining like a bright white orb.

I grab my paper bag and punch in the code to our security system. It beeps three times, signaling to Lena that I’m home.

The living room and hallway are dark. The only source of light peeks out from the top of the stairs, coming from the direction of our bedroom. I drop the bag on the kitchen counter and look up the stairs to find Lena standing at the top.

“I’m home.” I smile at her.

She hesitates, her chest moving in and out. I can’t tell from where I’m standing but she looks like she’s almost struggling for a breath, like she just ran the Boston marathon.

Finally, she gives me a small smile, the corners of her full lips turning up at the corners. She’s wearing a thin strapped tank top that hugs her curves, accentuating her full chest. Her gray sweatpants stop at her calves, the ends rolled up along the smooth skin of her legs.

She doesn’t say a word, unmoving from the top of the stairs.

“I was going to make some dinner if you’re hungry.” I keep my smile plastered on my face like a love drunk idiot. I’m not sure why, but it’s the same feeling I had when I had first met Lena. Nervous and scared to make the wrong move.

Only this time, instead of it being first date jitters, it’s because she’s been acting different ever since she stopped by for lunch today.

She places her hand on her stomach and clears her throat. “Actually, I’m still pretty full from lunch.”

I tilt my head to the side and rub my fingers against the scruff lining my jaw. I walk toward the bottom of the stairs, tipping my chin up to get a better view of her. She’s covered in shadows. The light coming from our room illuminates behind her. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” She brushes her hair back away from her face. Her smile has faded. “Of course. I’m just not that hungry and I was watching some TV in bed.”

“Do you want me to come up there and join you?”

“If you want.” She shrugs.

“Okay. I’ll be up in a minute.”

With that, she disappears down the hall, back to our bedroom.

I start cleaning up a bit of the downstairs, taking the time to think about Lena. As she stood there at the top of the stairs, only thirteen steps between us, it felt like miles. There was a bigger space between us than there was earlier today. We’ve coasted down that first hill and now we’re back down at the bottom of the rollercoaster track.

When I make it upstairs, I find Lena under the thick sheets of our bed. She’s propped herself up on the headboard, the remote perched in her hands. She’s staring at the screen. I follow her gaze to see what she’s watching.

“Tiger King, huh?” I smirk, removing my shirt and my pants before crawling in the bed to join her. “I’ve heard about this show at work.”

“I’m on episode two. Did you know it only cost a thousand dollars to buy a tiger?”

“What?” I laugh.

Lena doesn’t move from her spot, keeping her focus on the show. “Yeah, apparently anyone can buy a tiger.”

Finally, she rolls her head against the headboard, her eyes locking on mine.

“Are you saying you want to buy a tiger, Lena?”

A breath escapes the small space between her pouted lips. “No.” She shakes her head back and forth. The movements are small, giving me a small shred of hope that she’s content with her life. The Lena I married is slowly beginning to reveal herself. Maybe she’s just having an off day.

There’s an ache in my stomach I hadn’t noticed until now. An ache, hoping my wife is as happy in this marriage as I am. Did we make the right choices? Am I really giving her the life she deserves?

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