Page 33 of Mine

He still looks like the man I fell in love with and married. Even more so now that he’s allowed his hair to grow back again. He turns on his side, facing away from me and I continue going through my closet.

The curtains are drawn wide open. At first, I thought the morning sun’s rays would wake Logan, but he had been in such a deep sleep, he hadn’t stirred. After the emails I’d been receiving, I feel suffocated. I had hoped opening the curtains and allowing the day to fill the four walls of my bedroom, that it would somehow cancel out the darkness that seemed to swallow me whole.

I felt a bit better, but the pain of the emails and Natalie’s text still lingered, latching itself on to the deepest parts of me.

I’ve gone through nearly every shirt in my closet when I come across Abby’s sweater. The summer is coming to an end, the leaves on our trees already starting to yellow on the edges. I grab the sleeve and run my fingers across the fabric. I’ve worn it only two times since we’ve lived here, wearing it once during the winter. The brown buttons running down the center are still perfectly in place, except for one on the bottom. I run my thumb over the button. There’s only one thread still keeping it tied to the fabric.

I push it aside, remembering today was supposed to be in the high eighties. Seattle wasn’t quite ready to let go of the summer yet and neither was I. Summer had been my favorite season, especially growing up in Boston where the winters could be brutal. I was tired of snow and the blistering winter air. Seattle was different. It was cold but not as fierce as Boston had once been.

I push it aside and decide to grab one of my favorite tank tops. The silky fabric is cool and comfortable, perfect for the hour long drive it would take to get to Tacoma. I slide the top on followed by my favorite pair of black shorts. After strapping on my heels, I walk out into the bedroom, grabbing my phone from my nightstand.

“What time is it?” Logan mutters against his pillow.

“Still early,” I answer. “It’s eight o’clock.”

Logan groans, burying his face deeper into the pillow.

“Rough night?” I ask him.

“You could say that.”

I try to ignore the way my stomach flops at his answer. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that and I’m not sure I’m ready to know the reason.

“What are you all dressed up for?” He’s now opened his eyes, looking up at me from across the bed. They’re hooded over, still begging for sleep.

“I have a meeting with that client in Tacoma. Remember?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“I won’t be home until after lunch,” I tell him, giving myself enough time to account for traffic both ways. I also had never met a client outside of Seattle, so I didn’t know what to expect. When Logan and I had driven cross country, I’d learned I didn’t handle driving in places I didn’t know very well. I was nervous to say the least.

“Oh,” Logan says, turning to face the ceiling. He rests the palm of his hand on his forehead, his fingertips getting lost in his long hair. “Today is inventory day so I have to go in earlier anyway. I guess that means I’ll already be gone by the time you get back.”

“I guess so.” I frown, turning away from Logan so he doesn’t see. It’s become increasingly hard to pretend everything is okay between us. I think of what day it is and try and remember if today is the day of the week where he normally does take inventory. But I honestly don’t remember.

I start to walk around the bed and stop to stand beside him. He tilts his head to the side, resting his cheek on his pillow.

I bend down and place a quick kiss on his mouth.

“Make sure you set the alarm when you leave,” he says.

I fight back the urge to roll my eyes. He knows how strict we are when it comes to using our security system, especially now more than ever. But Logan doesn’t know how I’ve been triple checking every lock and unlock I’ve been making lately. In a sense my paranoia has intensified in the past few days.

“Good luck with your new client. Drive safe.” His face remains emotionless. I can’t tell if he’s grown distant from me or if it’s the lack of sleep catching up to him.

I nod once, forcing myself to keep my focus. I can’t show up to meet my new client if I’m upset.

“Have a good day at work.” The words sting the tip of my tongue, aching against my teeth like biting into a piece of candy when you have a cavity. I hate that I’m putting on a different face for my husband, but I just don’t have it in me to show him how I’m really feeling. I still can’t bring myself to tell him about the emails. I didn’t want Logan to feel like he didn’t have a choice in his life anymore. He’d already suffered enough with Julian when we had first met. I didn’t want him to have to go through that again, even if I had suspicions about him and Natalie.

I leave Logan without saying another word, not even telling him that I loved him. I stop at the threshold of our bedroom and turn to look at him one more time before leaving. He’s already turned back onto his side and his breathing has already started to even out.

I grab a water bottle from the refrigerator and shove it into my purse, making sure to grab my laptop and my charger before heading out the door. I set the alarm, waiting for it to beep before knowing it’s set for me to leave.

Thankfully, I don’t get too lost on my way to Tacoma. The I-5 is clear for the most part and I arrive at the office building where I’m set to meet with my new client. Sawyer and Sawyer Law was looking to rebrand their firm, including adding another partner to their name.

Taking over the rebranding for this law firm would change my career and I knew it. The weight of this account and how it could catapult my career weighed heavily on my shoulders. My stomach was full of butterflies. The large open meeting room at the top of one of Tacoma’s skyscrapers located in downtown was a monumental change from the small coffee shops and diners I was used to meeting new clients in.

Candace Sawyer was famous in the Northwest, having inherited her business from her father. I gulp as I sit in my stiff leather chair, praying I don’t mess this up. Candace promised me double what I normally charge if I could show her I was up to handling the task.

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