Page 57 of Say Uncle

“What?! Fuck no, Nicky. You stuck that in your ass?” I looked around for clarification, for backup, spotting Cass wading towards us. Cass scrubbed his face, hiding behind his hand. Fine, I’d handle it myself! “You can shove a dick up my ass, but I draw the line at shells.”

Nicky shrugged, dropping the shell in his mesh bag. “Suit yourself. Prude.”

Prude? Me? Little fucker!Cass’s shoulders shook, and I knew he was laughing at us.

Cass picked up a sea cucumber floating by. “You sure?” he asked me, holding it up.

Dick. “Totally sure. Thanks.”

Sam joined us, and we swam through the shallow waves, diving beneath the surface to grab shells for Nicky’s bag.

“Mattie, look! Grab your camera!” He pointed out two Loggerhead turtles swimming by on their way up to the beach. It was almost surreal to see such amazing creatures so close you could reach out and touch them.

By two o’clock, we were starving and decided on lunch at The Mucky Duck. They had picnic tables set up on the beach of Captiva Island, so it didn’t matter that we were sandy and sticky with dried saltwater. Cass ordered raw oysters, steamed shrimp, and crab cakes that we shared.

“What’s that look on your face for?” Cass asked Nicky.

“We didn’t see any seahorses.” His face was the picture of disappointment.

Cass ruffled his hair, chuckling. “We’ve got nine more days to hunt for them, little one. We’ll all keep our eyes peeled.”

After lunch, we rented jet skis and rode around the island. Nicky rode with Cass, and I shared one with Sam. After our first pass around, Sam switched seats with me, letting me steer. The way he trusted me blew me away. He was always in charge, yet easily gave control to me. It was a combination I very much liked and respected.

“Daddy, look!” Nicky shouted. A pod of spotted dolphins swam beside us, diving over the waves.

I pulled out my camera, the one Sam had given me, and took a series of rapid shots, hoping to capture the way they arced and flipped into the air so playfully. They were graceful and beautiful, and I thought I could watch them for hours.

Jesus, Nicky had turned me into a damn sap. He was rubbing off on me in more than just the physical sense.

But how could he not? Everywhere I looked, I saw paradise, and either a reminder of a memory I made with them or the possibility of making new ones. With only five weeks left before Nicky started school, I felt like time was running out; like the perfect bubble I’dbeen living in was about to burst. A certain level of low-key anxiety kept me company constantly. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. How could anything this good last forever?

The idea of losing all this made me feel incredibly lonely, and depressed as fuck. But what would I do without them? They’d become my support system, replaced my family, and had become the hope of my future. Of course, I could go on without them, but go on to do what?

Would the sun ever shine as brightly without Sam sitting beside me?

Would anything ever be funny again if it hadn’t come from Nicky’s mouth?

Ever since I had hit puberty and discovered my sexuality, I had grown used to the idea of never being able to have what I wanted most in life. But just thinking of losing what I had now made my chest tighten with fear, and my heart beat too fast, too hard.

I would fight like hell and hold on with both hands to keep what I had.

Was that what love was? To have something you were deathly afraid of losing?

If so, then maybe that meant I was in love because there was nothing I wouldn’t do for the three men I’d begun to call home.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It was another scorching hot summer day, but at least twenty degrees cooler in the shade. Lifting the frosty bottle to my lips, I took a swig of ice-cold beer, my eyes roaming over the landscape of Cass’s backyard.

“Where are the boys?” I asked, realizing it was too quiet. That usually meant trouble.

“Inside with their heads bent over the computer.”

“What are they doing, looking at porn?”

Cass tipped the bottle to his lips, taking a long pull. “They’re working on Mattie’s photos, getting them uploaded to all the travel blogs and magazines. I think Nicky is more excited than Mattie is, with the way he talks about it nonstop.”

Nicky talked about everything nonstop. “I think it has more to do with the fact that Mattie is scaredshitless that he’s going to be rejected, and also scared shitless that he won’t be.”

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