Page 40 of Sweet Like Whiskey

“Gimme a minute, and I’ll show you to the truck.”

He nods, following me inside the barn as I get Shorty settled in his stall. It doesn’t take long, considering the horse didn’t work up enough of a sweat to need more than a quick brush. By the time I’m done stashing the riding gear, Ash is standing back near the doors of the barn. His arms are behind him, hands clasped together as if he’s stretching.

“All right?” I ask, heading his way.

He nods, unclasping his hands and shaking out his arms. “Fine. You know, I used to work in an office.”

“Yeah?” I say, not sure what precipitated the statement.

“Mm. I did public relations for this sports agency? Not important,” he says, shaking his head. “I was just looking at this view and thinking how vastly different my life is right now from what it used to be. And I thought I liked it. Back then, I mean. Ididlike it well enough. I liked my job. My…partner.”

My gut does something akin to a nosedive. “How long were you together?”

“Nearly three years,” he says, squinting against the sunlight. “That’s wild, right? Such a long time. How long were you with Otto?”

I chew the inside of my cheek before answering. “Almost two.”

Ash nods, wincing slightly, like he gets it. I guess he does. “It was such a long time,” he says again, sticking his hands in his back pockets. “A long time to lose myself.”

“What d’you mean?”

He rocks on his heels, looking out toward the mountains. “Have you ever woken up one day and realized you weren’t where you wanted to be?”

My heart starts to pound, but Ash doesn’t wait for an answer before going on.

“I have. I woke up and realized I was lost. Just…lost. I’d lost myself in my relationship. In the easy, planned trajectory of my life. I’d gone down this path that was…fine. It was fine, but I wasn’t excited to greet the sun each day. I wasn’t excited aboutlife, period. I don’t know how it happened or when, exactly, but it’s like… I woke up, and I knew. I had to get out.”

My hands shake, so I hide them behind my back.

“I broke up with Nicholas,” Ash says, tone almost flat. “Quit my job. I packed two bags, put the rest of my stuff in storage, and I came here.”

“And…now?” I ask, grateful when my voice comes out even.

He lets out a sigh, his eyes closing for a second or two before he looks over at me. “Now I’m excited to greet the sun, Jack.”

I don’t know what to say to that. Don’t know how to tell him I’m happy he found some joy in life. Don’t know how to explain what it feels like to know he found thathere. Don’t know how to tell him I’ve heard this story before. That it didn’t end well for me last time.

So I say nothing at all, and Ash looks back out toward the mountains. “Ready?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say a little gruffly.

I lead Ash over to the lot near the milking barn where the company vehicles are parked. A few clouds come out on the way, blocking the sun. I do my best not to shiver.

“Try your keys,” I tell him once we reach the short row of heavy-duty trucks.

Ash pulls them from his pocket, pressing a button, and the truck on the leftmost side lights up. “It’s not a manual, is it?”

“Automatic,” I assure him. “You can keep it parked up near the house for however long you’re using it. No need to drive it all the way back here between trips.”

He nods, popping open the driver’s side door and peeking inside.

“Fill up gas on the card,” I tell him. “Try not to hit anything.”

He snorts. “Noted.”

“Did you ever hear anything about your car?” I ask, realizing he hasn’t mentioned it.

“Um, yeah,” he says, smiling a little sadly. It’s the first time I’ve seen his smile twist down that way, and I find myself not liking it. Not one bit. “I guess the cost of repairing Edna is more thanshe’s worth, so Ratchet suggested I scrap her. I know it’s the smart decision. I just…”

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