Page 45 of Endless Love

“Bravo!” I clapped.

“That’s wonderful,” chimed in my sister, though I wasn’t sure if she really meant it. My sister’s plans for her daughter likely included passing the bar, not doing pliés at the barre. I inwardly chortled.

“Mommy, Willow says she’s going to teach me more ballet. Maybe a whole dance.”

Having no clue about my sister’s career plans for my niece, Willow kept smiling.

“Violet’s adorable. I can’t wait to teach her more.”

Before my sister could say a word, her cell phone rang. It was their driver. He was here, waiting downstairs to take her and Beth to JFK. They quickly gathered their belongings as they rattled off do’s and don’t’s for my niece. Sheesh. After that five-page email, as if I didn’t know. Willow and I stifled our laughter.

Her roller bag by her side, my sister lifted Violet into her arms, and after kissing the top of her head, said, “I’m going to miss you, Vi-baby.” Her voice was a little watery. This was the first time she and Beth were leaving Violet alone for an extended period of time. It was Violet’s first sleepover, and for the first time in my adult life, I saw a softer, more vulnerable side of my sister. It was refreshing.

“Me too,” echoed Vi.

My sister smacked another kiss on her daughter’s scalp. “I love you from here to the moon and back.”

“I love you, too, and Mommy Beth. Don’t forget to bring me back a present!”

I watched with a tinge of envy as Violet gave her mommies farewell hugs. Maybe one day, I would have a little girl who would shower me with love and affection. I met Willow’s wistful gaze and wondered if she was thinking the same thing.

Confession. I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I volunteered to take care of my niece Violet for three days. While I’d spent considerable time with her, I’d never spent 24/7 with her. She was a handful. A non-stop bundle of energy. Sometimes, I wanted to curse my sister out for not warning me. The kid didn’t even take naps.

Thank goodness for Willow; she was a blessing. Unlike me who’d grown up with absentee parents—a cold, ruthless father, who’d rather fuck his latest mistress than tuck in his son, and an equally cold, alcoholic mother, who’d rather go to a benefit for the zoo than take her children there—Willow grew up with loving, attentive parents and knew all the fun, kid-friendly city attractions to take Violet to. It also helped that she was a girl and knew what little girls liked. I had no clue; growing up with my rebellious sister, who was more like four going on forty-four, was no help.

Okay…another confession. I was having the best time I had in years. Each jam-packed day was full of fun, adventure, laughs, the unexpected…and love. We did things I’d never done before—like riding the sky-high tram to Roosevelt Island, ice skating at Chelsea Piers Sky Rink, and taking a ferry to the Statue of Liberty. We also went to the Museum of Natural History, where Vi showed off her encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs, and to a matinée performance of Wicked on Broadway. We all loved it and came out of the theater singing the songs before heading over to legendary Rumplemyers for ice cream sundaes.

Everywhere we went, people fawned over us and told us we were a beautiful family. It wasn’t surprising. Throughout our excursions, Violet, who looked a lot like me, with her light brown hair and baby blue eyes, stood between us holding our hands. Rather than correcting them, I simply thanked them. This was my first taste at what being a family was like and I more than enjoyed it. Interestingly, Willow never said a thing to the contrary either. I wondered why.

The fun we had together during the day spilled over into the evenings. In the early hours, Willow spent some secret “girl time” upstairs in the apartment she shared with her father and afterward we ate dinner at her father’s deli. Mel, with his big, loveable personality, wrapped Vi around his finger, making special treats for her like hamburgers with funny faces, spoiling her with extra desserts, and even letting her ring the cash register. The joy I got from watching them together couldn’t be put into words. Violet had never met my father as my sister couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive him for disowning her when he found out she was gay. A big part of me wished they would make amends, but given how bullheaded they both were made that unlikely. Chances were my sweet niece would never have a grandpa.

Following our first dinner together, Violet, who’d grown incredibly attached to Willow in less than a day, begged for her to come back to my place to watch some TV and put her to bed. She would not take no for an answer, cajoling us with pretty pleases and tears. On top of being too adorable for words, the kid was a great actress. I gave in.

The first night was awkward. Not for Violet, but for Willow and me. Watching Nickelodeon together was easy, but putting Vi to bed was a whole other story. The overactive child refused to go to sleep unless Willow tucked her in and read her a story. Again, the pretty pleases and the crocodile tears. Gutting me, the sucker that I was, I had no choice but to acquiesce. And since Violet was sleeping in my room, it meant that for the first time in our relationship Willow would be stepping foot in the bedroom I shared with Allee.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Willow asked as we wound up the stairs, me carrying an overjoyed Violet piggyback on my shoulders.

“Yeah…unless you want to pull an all-nighter cartoon marathon.” There was no doubt in my mind that this child could stay up all night and just the thought of entertaining her 24/7 was exhausting.

“Okay,” mumbled Willow as we entered my bedroom.

The antique four-poster bed that I bought as a wedding present for Allee practically smacked you in the eyes upon stepping foot in the sparsely furnished room. To my relief, Willow made no mention of it though she couldn’t stop staring at it. Yes, it was spectacular and I’m sure conjuring a lot of emotions in my companion. After I set Violet down, Willow hastily got my niece settled into her ballet slipper sleeping bag, which was parked on the rug near my bed. Violet loved it, especially after learning that Willow used to sleep in it as a child.

Once tucked in, Violet studied my bed. “That’s like a princess bed!” she exclaimed. “Do you sleep in it all by yourself, Uncle Ryan?”

I swallowed hard, searching for an answer. I wasn’t sure how much Violet knew about Allee. My niece wasn’t even born when Allee passed away. Once when I visited her in Boston, the inquisitive child asked me why I wasn’t a daddy and my sister told her it was none of her business. After that, any related discussion had never arisen. Nor had any questions about her sperm donor conception or the fact that she had a twin that didn’t make it. My sister uneventfully lost the second baby early on in her pregnancy, but I was sure one day when my niece was older she would explain everything to her.

“How come you’re not answering my question?” persisted Violet, definitely inheriting my sister-the-lawyer’s interrogation skills.

One pathetic word at last spilled from my lips: “Yeah.” I sleep it in alone.

Cocking her head, my niece shot me a puzzled look. “How come doesn’t Willow sleep in it with you? There’s lots of room. And it’s so pretty!”

My stomach twisted. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I exchanged an awkward glance with a flushed Willow, neither of us knowing what to say. Finally, Willow broke the ice.

“Because, sweetie, I have to go home and take care of my daddy.”

“Don’t you have a mommy that does that?”

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