Page 248 of Naughty Nelle

CHAPTER 25

The next morning I awaken at the crack of dawn, greeted by a headache and dread. I slip out of bed, careful not to disturb Calla, and tiptoe downstairs. My spirits lift quickly. Tonight’s my Girls’ Night Out. I can hardly wait. Only I still have no clue how I’m going to escape Marcella.

When I wander into the kitchen, Gallant-Shmallant is already there. Damn it! I left his stupid lily upstairs. A missed opportunity to shove it down the drain.

“Can I pour you some tea?” he asks.

“Fine,” I say in spite of myself. Maybe, it’ll help me get over my hangover.

“How is your hand?”

“I’ll live.” I’ve taken off his handkerchief. Mental note: Burn it in the hearth tonight. And make sure he’s watching.

Gallant hands me a cup of tea. A fragrant blend of orange blossoms, rose petals, and lavender trickles into my nose. I take a sip. It tastes delicious, almost magical. The Prince gazes at me with his piercing blue eyes. I get that tingly-all-over feeling. My teacup shakes in my hand.

“Jane, I shall be visiting my father tonight. So, please tell the cooks there is no need to prepare dinner for me. They should be back any minute.”

“Is Marcella, by chance, going with you?” How perfect would that be?

“No, it is official kingdom business.” A resentful tone accompanies his words.

So much for wishful thinking.

The Prince furrows his brows. “Please excuse me. I must prepare for the meeting. My father shall be displeased if I do not come with a formal agenda.” Taking his tea, he marches toward the kitchen door. He turns to me before exiting.

“And, Jane, please keep me posted about Calla’s birthday party.”

I want to throw my teacup at him but spill the remains down the drain instead.

Despite my anger and queasiness, my stomach begins to growl as soon as Gallant is gone. I’m starving. I grab a handful of oats and search for the barrel of eggs.

“Jane, you poisoned me!” comes a deep, raspy voice from behind me.

Startled, I swing around. It’s Marcella. She’s almost unrecognizable. Her brassy blond hair is plastered to her head like a helmet, and her complexion is a ghastly shade of green.

“I didn’t sleep a wink last night,” she croaks.

How could she have in that clingy leopard-print duster? It’s bursting at the seams. And those feathers would have driven me crazy.

“It’s all your fault! It had to be something I ate!” Ha! Serves you right for hogging the bread, you pig. “If it weren’t for the fact that I think I’ve lost three pounds, I’d fire you right now!”

“Can I get you something?” I don’t know whether I want to laugh or punch her.

“The only thing I want is my liquid diet potion. And if you don’t have it by tomorrow morning, you will be fired!”

Great! Tomorrow could be my lucky day.

“I’m going back to bed. I’ll be there all day. Whatever you do, don’t disturb me!”

Let’s hope she’ll be there all night. And I promise, I won’t disturb her.

As she staggers out the door, the cook and his staff return.

With Marcella in bed all day, I’m able to get a lot done for the ball. I start working on the seating arrangements. It’s weird. I can’t seem to find Snow White’s RSVP. In fact, I don’t recall seeing her invitation. It must have been among the two thousand or so I sent out. Marcella invited every princess in the universe. I make myself another mental note: Talk to PIW about Snow White’s invite status. On second thought, why bother? The less I have to do with my stepdaughter, the better.

Next, Marcella’s liquid diet potion. I have no idea what to do. Or where to get it. That sorcerer who sold me that bogus evil potion? Nah. He’s probably out of business. And then, bing! A brainstorm! Another one of my genius ideas. I’ll make it myself.

Returning to the kitchen, I throw together sugar, lard, honey, and some cocoa. I pour the thick gooey mixture into a bottle and label it “Lose Pounds Fast.” It’s going to be the best tasting liquid diet potion ever. And the most fattening. Hee-hee. Her Royal Skankiness will love it!

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