Page 207 of Naughty Nelle

I’m totally screwed. How am I going to disguise myself as Fanta if I don’t have a costume? Don’t panic! Think! Think! I can’t blow my perfect plan.

And then, the obvious comes to me. I still have a map of Faraway, the one Fairweather gave me when I first got here. I’ll check out where the three fairies sleep, sneak into their room, and “borrow” one of Fanta’s outfits. Frightening simplicity! Why didn’t I think of this before? Let’s just hope they don’t keep their room locked.

The fairies’ chamber is located on the second floor of the castle. Luck, for once, is on my side. The door’s unlocked. I slip inside. The room is small but fastidious with their three beds lined up in a row. There are two doors—one must be the closet. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.

Bingo! The first one I open is filled with identical fairy outfits in red, blue, and green. Fanta won’t notice she’s missing a thing. I help myself to one of her cheesy green frocks and a matching bonnet. Then I spot a pair of wings. Why not go all the way! Who knows, maybe they’ll enable me to fly. I hide everything under my long skirt and split.

It’s time to get really creative. I find Fairweather in the Arts and Crafts room and ask her for some flesh-colored putty and gold paint along with a brush and black crayon. The busybody’s curious to find out what I’m up to. I tell her she’s in for a surprise. Wait till she sees me disguised as her sister!

Armed with all my materials, I head outside. All is need is a thick stick. I find one instantly and paint it gold. Ta-dah. My magic wand is complete. Maybe it’s not as magical as Fanta’s, but it’ll get me out the front gate.

Now, it’s time for me to work my magic. I hurry back to my room, relieved that Elz is not there. I undress and slip Fanta’s gown over my head. The dress hangs loosely on my thin frame as I expected. No worries. I crumple up a couple of hand towels and stuff them into my brassiere. Ha! I’ve got boobs! Big, sagging ones that hang down to my waist just like Fanta’s. Moving right along, I take my pillow and stuff it into my bloomers. I now have a butt as big as the Badass Fairy’s. It actually might be a little bigger, but come on, who’s going to measure?

Okay. Now for the challenging part that can make or break my disguise. Carefully, I apply the putty to my cheeks and my chin and blend it in with my skin. If only I had a mirror! I run my fingers over the surface of my face and crack a smile. My new plump cheeks and extra chin are works of art! I add a little putty to the tip of my nose and mold it to look exactly like Fanta’s upturned snout. Finally, I take the crayon and soften my arched eyebrows. As much as I wish I had one, I don’t need a mirror to tell me I’ve done it again!

I put on the bonnet, making sure it covers my snippets of hair, slip on the wings, and grab my magic wand. It’s showtime! And what do you know! The wings are magic! I’m actually flying out the door.

I stealthily fly into the banquet hall. No one notices me in the back of the room, hovering near the ceiling. All the better to make my grand entrance.

Dinner is over, and Hook starts off the show. “Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate’s wife for me,” he sings with bravura. I have to admit his rich baritone voice is fantastic. Everyone, except Sasperilla, applauds wildly. Beaming, Elzmerelda gives him a standing ovation.

Next up is Rumpel­stilt­skin. Hopping from leg to leg, he recites:

“Y-yesterday I was b-blank, but t-today I knew

That once u-upon a t-time I used to spin

S-straw into g-gold for a s-selected few,

And the name I am c-called is R-rumpel­stilt­skin.”

Okay. He’s not going to win any awards for being funny, but he’s got everyone laughing, including me. Grimm was right. Once Rumpelstiltskin remembered his name, his memory would start coming back to him. And the other good news, he’s stuttering less.

Winnie, the third to go, performs an amazing juggling act, using muffins she ends up tossing into the audience. More claps and cheers. Elzmerelda follows her with a love song in her sweet soprano voice. From my vantage point, it’s obvious she’s directing it at Hook. The swine blows her a kiss. I hope he’s not leading her on.

“Sasperilla, your next,” says Fairweather, who’s been emceeing the show.

“There’s no way I’m participating in this freak show!” The skinny bitch makes a face. Ha! Her one and only talent. Ignoring a loud boo from Hook, she goes right back to playing with her food.

Finally, it’s my turn.

“Has anyone seen Jane?” asks Fairweather.

On cue, I swoop down onto the buffet. The landing’s a little rough, but I make it. Fairweather’s eyes pop. “Fanta, is that you?”

“I’m over here!” shouts a voice in the audience. It’s the real Fanta.

Fairweather does a double take and is speechless. In fact, everyone’s gaping with shock. I’m not sure if it’s because I can fly or because they’re seeing double.

I get right into it. In my best Fanta voice, I announce, “For our evening meditation…” I’m stopped by laughter in the audience “… I’d like everyone to close their eyes and chant to the moon with me.” Waving my wand, I chant:

“We have all that we need,

Full blessed children of space;

Light shines full on our face,

Giving Love, Illumination, Peace.”

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