Page 169 of Naughty Nelle

CHAPTER 4

Birds are attacking me! They’re circling my head. Ow! One of them is pecking my nose. Wakening from my nightmare, I snap open my eyes. Wait! This is not a bad dream. Birds are all over me! They’re trying to pull down my bed covers.

“Get lost!” I scream, swatting at them. I swear if one makes a dent on my face, they’re all dead.

Where am I? A ray of light filters through the darkness. I’m in a small square room. There’s a set of drawers, a couple of doors, and an empty bed next to mine.

A singsong voice pierces the air. “Rise and shine!”

A gangly woman in a drab flannel nightgown lopes toward me. She’s got to be at least six feet tall, and even in the dim light, I can tell she’s no beauty queen. Her nose is long and pointy; her eyes too close together, and her lips pale and thin. She adjusts a yellow bow over her mousy brown hair.

“Who are you?” I ask, still swatting at the birds.

“I’m your new roomie, Elzmerelda,” she says in a tone so cheerful it makes me want to swat her. “How was your first night at Faraway?”

Faraway?Then it hits me. Hard like a hammer to my head. My new reality. A living nightmare. I’m trapped in a loony bin with a lunatic. I’ve got to get out of here!

“Lalala­lalala­lalalala­lalala­lalala­lalala­lala­la….” Singing on top of her lungs, the lunatic pirouettes over to the window and pulls the curtains apart. Sunshine instantly floods the room through a grille of metal bars.

The jolt of bright light makes me squint. Shit! Squinting will give me lines! And lines will make me look old! I struggle desperately to pull a blanket over my head, but the damn birds won’t let me.

“It’s another beautiful sunny day,” the loony trills, peeking outside.

She is nuts. Doesn’t she know how bad the sun is for your skin? Freckles! Wrinkles! Age spots! Crow’s feet! You can even die! “Close the damn curtains!” I order as more birds whoosh through the bars and swarm me.

Ignoring me, the homely beanpole slips into a puff-sleeve dress that matches her bow. It’s so Snow White, I want to puke.

“You still haven’t told me about your first night,” she says.

After that dreadful haircut, I can’t remember a thing. I bet those wicked hair fairies poisoned me. With that comb they used. The nerve of them stealing my idea! I’m going to add that to my list of grievances when I get out of this joint and sue.

More birds! I dodge them while the lunatic brushes her limp waist-length hair.

Jealousy gnaws at me. How come she got to keep her worthless tresses? I stroke my head, hoping for magic. Forget it! My hair’s still the length of your average front lawn.

The loony shoots me a wide toothy grin that makes me want to knock out her large, crooked teeth. “You need to get dressed,” she says, prancing over to a closet. She returns with a bright yellow gown folded over her spindly arms. She lays it flat on my bed.

“What’s that?” I ask, eyeing the hideous garment as if it’s carrying the plague. Doesn’t she know I don’t do colors? I only wear black.

“The Good Fairies made it for you. It’ll make you cheery.”

I also don’t do cheery.

She makes her bed. “Hurry! You don’t want to be late for breakfast.”

Screw breakfast! I just need a cup of black coffee. Trust me, I’m even more evil without one.

“Lalala! Lalala!” She won’t stop.

What am I waiting for? While her back is turned, I bolt out of bed, charge through the swarm of birds, and sprint to the nearest door. I jerk the door open and slam it behind me on the beak freaks.

Dragonballs! Wrong door! The foul odor lets me know immediately where I am. The bathroom. Yet another reminder I’m not at spa. There’s a bucket for a tub, chamber pot, chipped pitcher, and a few ragged towels. Something’s missing. A mirror!

It’s not possible. Every halfway decent bathroom has a mirror, right? I check inside every drawer, under the tub, between the towels…even in the wretched chamber pot. Zilch!

I storm back into the bedroom “Where did you hide the mirror?” I shout at Elzmerelda.

“Don’t you remember?” She grins. “Mirrors aren’t allowed at Faraway.”

My body shakes, and sweat runs down the back of my knees.

I’m having major mirror withdrawal.

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