Page 163 of Naughty Nelle

I’d better get out of here. Fast!

Too late. One of the runts has spotted me. “Stop her!” he yells, pointing his grubby little finger.

Having no choice, I dive through the window and make a mad dash for the mountains. The pint-sized twerps chase after me. I toss the basket of apples, hoping to trip them. I steal a look behind me. No luck. They’re picking up speed and getting closer. How the hell can they run so fast on those stumpy legs?

A sudden gust of wind fills my cape like a sail, making it impossible for me to move any faster. My hair whips across my face as I glance back one more time. The dwarfs are gaining on me. Calling upon every muscle in my body, I force myself forward.

An explosive clap of thunder startles me. I almost trip. As I regain my footing, the sky opens, and torrential rain starts pouring down. Dragonballs! The one day it had to rain in sunny Lalaland.

The earth quickly becomes a mud bath. Drenched, I slip and slide across the treacherous ground with the pack of dwarfs still on my back. And then…a dead end. I’m smack against the mountains.

“Get her!” shouts one of the dwarfs.

I gaze up at the jagged wall of rocks. I have no choice but to start climbing.

Gripping the wet, slippery rocks, I clamber up the steep terrain. The pouring rain is blinding me, and I have to keep dodging all manner of falling debris. The dwarfs are still right behind me and show no sign of slowing down. They must be part mountain goat. I, on the other hand, am panting like a dog. And my thighs are screaming they’re on fire. Once I get back to my castle, I swear I’m going to get out more and start an exercise regime. The Fairest is also going to become The Fittest.

The slope grows steeper and steeper. I’m practically on all fours. Ahead of me is a giant boulder. I scramble behind it. I can run no more. Not because I’m out of steam. I’ve reached the edge of the mountain. A cliff. There is no place to go but down. Far, far down.

I’m trapped! I peek around the boulder. The dwarfs are so close I can feel their breath on my face. Brainstorm! I’m going to flatten the runts. All seven of them at once! With all the strength I can muster, I push the massive rock. It won’t budge. I try again, this time using my entire body. Nothing. Not even an inch!

Claps of thunder synchronize with my thudding heart. I’m about to give up when the sky sends a bolt of lightning directly at the dwarfs. What good luck! They’re going to fry. What bad luck! They leap back just in time to avoid their fiery demise. My face grows wide-eyed with horror as nature etches a deep jagged line across the surface of the rocky precipice. Crack! It’s breaking off. I’m going down!

Blood flees to the bottoms of my feet as I squeeze my eyes shut. Life is so unfair. I’m finally again Fairest of All, and I’m going to be a goner! An icy sting shoots up my legs, then zaps my body. Is this how death feels? Daring to open my eyes, I find myself under water. I’ve landed in a river! I hold my breath, but as I sink deeper, my lungs may burst. Death still awaits me. I finally hit rock bottom. Instantly, I catapult upward.

My head powers through the surface of the water. I’m alive! Desperate for air, I open my mouth wide, catching raindrops on my tongue. Victory is mine. It’s time to wave bye-bye to that pack of vertically challenged losers. I look up, but I might as well kiss my life goodbye. The boulder is toppling toward me at dizzying speed!

A bolt of raw energy surges through my veins. Kicking and stroking furiously, I battle the fierce current and swim away a split second before the boulder crashes into the water. I hold on to dear life as the waves of its aftermath thrash me around like an angry dragon’s tail.

The next thing I know I’m lying facedown on a hard, muddy surface. Land! The river must have washed me ashore. As I stagger to my feet, my eyes light up. Straight ahead of me is my majestic castle sitting high and mighty on its perch. I can practically hear my magic mirror welcoming me home.

Except there’s no way my mirror will recognize me. Soaked to the bone, I must look like a drowned witch.

Not wasting a second, I rip off my stinking-wet hag rag and the nose. I toss everything into the river and let the current carry it away. It’s a good thing I threw on a backpack last minute with my don’t-leave-home-without-them necessities. It’s sopping wet, but otherwise intact. I tear it open, slip on my black velvet cloak, and apply my favorite red lipstick, charcoal brow liner, and creamy foundation with sun protection.

The final touch: my gold crown. I cradle it in my hands and admire it. It’s worthy of only one legendary beauty—yours truly.

Mirror, mirror. Ready or not, here I come.Suddenly, two bone-crushing hands grip my arms. I crank my head around and practically choke when I come face-to-face with my assailant. The Huntsman! He growls.

“You’re under arrest for murder!”

---