Page 77 of Hollow Child

“Yes, of course I would! Where else would I be?” I asked.

By then, Max and Stella were ahead of us, so caught up in their happy family to notice Boden and I waiting behind. But that was how I preferred it. They deserved to have a good night instead of getting dragged into whatever this was.

Since I’d raised my voice, people started looking at us. We were also standing in the road, partially blocking those heading to the fest by foot, bicycle, or equid.

Boden noticed it, too, and he motioned to a pathway between two buildings. It was something like a narrow alleyway with a composting bin on the ground floor, and clothing lines strung between the buildings for the second story apartments above. On one side was an apothecary on the main floor, smelling of incense and herbs, and on the other was a tannery, giving off an acrid and earthy odor.

Passersby would still be able to watch us from the road, and the businesses were closed for the fest, so I kept going down the alleyway until we went around to the back of the tannery. There, animal hides in various states were hanging from a pergola, and it gave us plenty of privacy.

Boden stood with his hands on his hips, staring down at the dirt, and I folded my arms across my chest, watching him expectantly.

“I really thought that it wouldn’t matter, as long as you came home,” he said finally in a low, huskyvoice. “When you came back, you were always so happy, but you brought that into our life, so I didn’t even mind.”

“What are you talking about, Boden? You’re not making any sense.”

Now he gave me a hard look. “Don’t bullshit me, Remy. If Nova hadn’t been in the picture when you and Lazlo found each other again, you would’ve taken Max and Stella and ran off with him.”

My heart dropped, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Is that what youthinkwould’ve happened, or what youwishwould’ve happened?”

“Why would I wish that you left me for another guy?” he asked, incredulous.

“Because then you wouldn’t be stuck with me!” I shot back. “I know that I’m not easy to love, and that I’m cold and aloof and selfish. I’m basically a completely defective human being. I’m not good at anything that a wife should be good at, and I can’t even be a mother.”

“You think that I am upset because you can’t have kids?” Boden asked. “You told me about that right away, and I said that I didn’t want to bring kids into this world, and I meant it.”

“Yes. I remember very clearly. You never said that you didn’t actually want kids, just that you didn’t feel right about it given the state of things,” I reminded him. “I have seen you with Rafaella, and I used to listen to you talk about your sisters. I would tell myself,oh, that’s because he loves them. But then I saw the way your face lit up when you played with Lazlo’s daughter. You want a family, but instead you’ve been saddled with me.”

My voice was cracking, but I pushed on and finally admitted, “That’s why I didn’t want to be married to you. I didn’t want to trap you more than I already had. But now that we’re in Emberwood, you’re free to findsomeone who will make you happy and give you the babies you deserve.”

“Jesus, Remy, is all that what you really think?” he asked, looking at me in shock. “Because you couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, I like kids, especially Rafaella, but that doesn’t mean I want any for myself. And most importantly, you never kept me from having a family. Yougaveme one.”

“Because I had two kids in tow –” I started to argue but he stopped me.

“No.Youare my family. If it were only me and you at the end of the world, I would still have a family.” He moved closer to me, closing the gap between us. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but you have always been so easy for me to love. I started falling for you almost right away, because you were so strong and such a badass, but I could still see how much you cared.

“And I refuse to believe that I wouldn’t have loved you in any other place, any time that I met you, whether you are traumatized or not. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you, and I don’t want to be with anyone else but you,” he said. “But if you don’t want to be with me, and you’re in love with someone –”

“No!” I shouted, startling him, and I put my hands on his chest. “I am in love with you andonlyyou. I care about Lazlo, and I always will, the same way that I still care about Harlow.

“You are the only one who makes me feel safe, and sometimes I worry that you know me better than I know myself.” I stared up at him with tears in my eyes and a tremble in my voice. “I love you so much, Boden, but I’ve always known that I don’t deserve you.”

“Nature is completely indifferent to what anyone deserves, and the virus is certainly proof of that,” hesaid. One of his hands went to my waist, and the other to my face, gently cradling it as he stared into my eyes. “But you deserve happiness and love as much as anyone else.”

He kissed me then, and I stood up on my tiptoes and pulled him closer to me. The kiss grew more intense and urgent, and he suddenly lifted me up and set me on the workbench behind me. My hands went to unbutton his jeans while his hand went under my dress to make sure I was ready.

His mouth was still on mine when he pushed inside me, and we found a quick, rough rhythm together. My legs were wrapped around his waist, and he had one on my back, pressing me to him. His other hand held the back of my neck, tender but firm, so we were looking in each other’s eyes.

It made me feel so vulnerable and exposed. I wanted to close my eyes or look away, but he needed this from me. So I stayed in the moment with him as pleasure and pressure built inside me.

I finished first, but he followed right after me. He slumped against me, kissing my neck and shoulder as he caught his breath.

Afterwards, when I straightened out my dress, Boden wrapped his arms around me and murmured that he loved me. For once, I let myself believe him.

We’d taken long enough being off on our own, and we didn’t want to worry anyone, so the two of us hurried hand-in-hand smiling until we arrived at the fest.

Large white string lights stretched across the plaza in the middle of downtown, lighting the place up. A stage had been set up in the center, and Lazlo was performing with some friends. He was singing and playing guitar, Eden was on bass and backup vocals, and the alderman Wilder was on the drums. They were covering an old David Bowie song, “Life onMars.”

In the crowd, I could see Max and Stella standing nearby Harlow and Nova, with little Sage on her shoulders. Boden and I joined them in watching the performance until a woman brushed past us. I didn’t even really notice her all that much, but then Harlow began to scream.

---