Page 57 of Hollow Child

“What? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing. I just saw you and thought you might want a break or some company.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine. Fae is sleeping, and Max is outside washing the cloth diapers. We always need more clean diapers.”

“Yeah, that is true with babies.” He came over and sat down on the bed beside me. “Why don’t you let me hold Fae while you take a nap?”

“No, that’s okay. You already do too much,” I said, and that was very true.

Boden, Serg, and Remy made sure that I had food, clean clothes, and that I had everything I needed. Remy didn’t really seem to know what to do with the baby, but she was always nearby. Mostly up in the loft with the lion, who also had no idea what to do with this tiny human who cried so often.

“Holding my niece is hardly doing too much,” Boden insisted. “And you need your rest to be a good mom. You’ve got to take care of yourself, too.”

I stared back out the window at the dark brown house next door, and when I blinked, tears spilled down my cheeks.

“I don’t know how to be a mom,” I admitted thickly. “I read the books, but I thought I would just instinctually know what to do. But the only thing I really know is that I hate letting her out of my arms. I don’t even remember my mom, or anybody else’s mom, for that matter.”

“I don’t remember my mom very well,” Boden said quietly. “She died when I was in kindergarten. My dad remarried when I was a teenager, and I do remember my stepmom, and I remember helping her take care of my much younger half-sisters. I don’t know what it means to be a mom, either, but I know how to help, and I know how to hold a baby.”

“She needs skin-to-skin contact,” I reminded him.

“Good thing I have skin.” He started unbuttoning his shirt. “I won’t force you to hand her over, but if you do, I promise I’ll stay right here in the room with you, and I’ll wake you up if she needs anything.”

“Okay,” I relented, mostly because I was too tired to fight it.

“Okay?” Boden asked, smiling hopefully.

I nodded, and he gently took her from me. He moved to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, holding her gingerly against his bare chest.

My heart was racing like there was a zombie in the room with us, but it was only the man who had raised me, caring for the baby that we all loved. I took a deep breath and laid down on my side so I could still watch them. I wasn’t brave enough to close my eyes yet.

“What happened to your little sisters?” I asked.

He was quiet a moment before answering, “The same thing that happened to everyone’s little sisters when the zombies came for them.”

“Do you know any songs?” I asked, changing the subject away from something so sad. “I am running out of songs that I remember all the words to, and I don’t want to keep singing the same ones over and over to the baby.”

“Yeah, I probably know a few,” he said. “Did you ever hear of a band called Nirvana?”

“I don’t think so. Can you sing them now?

“Sure, I guess, but I don’t know how good I’ll be. I haven’t sung in a long time.”

“That’s okay. I just want to hear something new,” I said with a yawn.

He cleared his throat, and a shy baritone came out as he sang something he called “All Apologies.” I tried to stay awake, because I did want to learn more lullabies, but I was drifting off by the chorus.

I wasn’t asleep for long. It felt like a split second, truly, and then Boden was shaking me roughly awake.

“You have to feed the baby,” he said in a commanding voice, like he was upset with me.

“Okay.” I took my daughter from him, and she somehow got heavier while I slept, or maybe my arms were weak. “Are you sure she’s hungry? She seemssound asleep.”

“You’re her mother. You have to make sure she has enough to eat.” Boden turned and walked out, and he slammed the door shut behind him.

Fae and I were alone, so I tried to gently wake her. He was right. I had to make sure that she was fed, and I got her to latch easily.

I looked out the window, watching the little bit of the world I could see from my bedroom, and nursed my baby.

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