Page 54 of Hollow Child

“The Guardians?” I snorted. “That still sounds like such a silly name to me. Why don’t they just call them guards?”

“I don’t know. Someone liked the way it sounded,” he supposed. “But regardless of the name, they’re keeping the town safe, and with my experience as a sergeant at the last quarantine zone, I want to help.”

“No, it sounds good. You should be a Guardian. I just don’t love the name.” I wrapped my arms over his, and he kissed my neck. “They need someone smart and brave like you.”

“They could use someone smart and brave likeyou, too,” he suggested playfully.

“I don’t think that’s for me, not that I really know what is for me,” I said. “My only job experience was being a bagger at a grocery store in high school, and then my time as a human guinea pig at the BCQZ.”

“You’ll find something,” he assured me. “And there’s no need to rush. Max and Stella will likely need help once they move here.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. My stomach fluttered in an anxious way I couldn’t quite explain, but it felt something like dread.

Boden had been kissing my shoulder but he stopped. “Are you okay? You just tensed up.”

“Yeah, I’m great,” I lied, because I should be fine.

We had everything we could ever hope for. Life could be so much worse after all we had gone through, but here I am in Boden’s arms, preparing for the return of Max, Stella, and the baby.

Shame washed over me because I knew that I should be happy, grateful, and relaxed, but I just wasn’t. I couldn’t be.

I wriggled out of Boden’s arms, because I couldn’t handle the affection in his touch when I knew that Ididn’t deserve it.

“Sorry. Was I touching your scars again?” Boden asked, already taking the blame for something that wasn’t his fault.

“No, you’re fine.”

His fingers often brushed against my scars, because it was nearly impossible for him to avoid it when I was naked. I could handle it most of the time, but every now then, he would touch one, and I’d recoil from it.

I got out of bed and pulled on my underwear and jeans. “I want to see Max and Stella, and I need to spend some time around town figuring out what I am going to do while I am here.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” he agreed, but there was a hesitation in his voice. I didn’t press on what it might be because I was afraid of what it might be.

“Stuff’s good, so I gotta make myself useful.” I pulled on a t-shirt, and then I grabbed Boden’s flannel to wear over it. “You and Serg have your things, and now I’ve got to find mine.”

“So you’ll be gone all day?” he asked, looking up at me from where he sat on our bed, naked under the blankets.

I shrugged. “Probably. But I should be back by supper.”

I walked over, kissing his cheek, and told him goodbye before heading to the ladder.

“Remy,” he said, so I paused and looked back. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” I forced a smile at him.. “I love you, too.”

Boden smiled back, and I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not. But I felt too restless to stay in the loft, so I told him to have a good day, and I left.

It was still early, so Emberwood seemed to bemostly slumbering. There were a few people awake, and chickens and geese wandering all over. I normally didn’t like walking around here. It all felt so crowded and loud and pushy after living isolated for so long. But this early in the day, it was quiet and not so bad.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take that long for it to change. Soon, everyone seemed to be awake and in a hurry. I let the crowd take me downtown, and I spotted the Athenaeum I had seen Lazlo playing guitar.

I couldn’t hear him now, but I drifted toward it anyway, hoping that I might see him again. I had been so focused on everything happening with Stella I hadn’t really had a chance to reconnect with him.

When I had left the house, I told Boden that I wanted to go visit Max and Stella, and I meant to. They didn’t need help from me, because Jovie and Eden were there, and Stella was breastfeeding. And it wasn’t like I had any practical advice or any real experience with babies. I was more clueless than they were.

So I wasn’t in that much of a hurry to see them, even though I did truly love my niece. I just didn’t really know what to do around her.

Inside the Athenaeum, there were a few patrons reading books and drinking tea, but none of them looked like Lazlo. I went over to peruse the books on the shelf, because it had been a long time since I had anything new to read.

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