Page 67 of Karma's Kiss

With a nod toward Golden Harvest, he asks, “You getting coffee?”

I hold up my latte and smile weakly. “Beat you to it.”

With that, he steps toward the door of the coffee shop, but it feels like I can’t just let him go like that. “Sawyer.”

He looks back at me over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, not wanting to hear it. “We’ll talk next week.”

Saturday night, I’m sitting beneath the red and white twinkle lights on the patio of my family’s favorite Mexican restaurant. We’ve been coming here since I was a kid, and all the waiters know us. Too well in fact.

“Margarita pitcher? Salt on the glasses?” Matt asks the table.

It’s our usual MO, but not tonight. I’m about to say I’m not drinking, but Lindsey actually speaks up first.

“None for me tonight.”

She slyly looks at David, and he smiles and leans over to squeeze her leg beneath the table. Sure, she could be skipping margaritas for a slew of reasons, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s newly pregnant.

David looks to me. “You in?”

I shake my head and quickly pick up my menu, hoping he won’t question me about it.

“Well Queenie, looks like we’ll have to hold it down for everyone tonight.”

I’m quieter than usual, happy to let David and Mom chatter away while I watch Cruz enjoy the small jungle gym the restaurant was smart enough to install just beside the patio. It’s one of the reasons the restaurant’s a fan favorite in our town. Parents can come have dinner while their kids run around, wild and free.

“I’ll be back,” I tell the group, heading down to join Cruz.

He’s very busy toddling after big kids, but once he sees me, he points to the swing, telling me in his sweet one-year-old babble what I can only assume means, “Swing me NOW.”

I plop him into the swing and get it going, then once the momentum is carrying him back and forth, I come around to thefront and play peekaboo every time he swings close to me. Not to brag, but my silly faces get a laugh every single time, and my already overly emotional heart melts even more.

“Do you think I’d be a good mom, Cruz?”

Cruz kicks his feet with glee as I push him higher.

“I could have one of you, couldn’t I?”

I wouldn’t be alone. I know Queenie would basically act as a co-parent with me, helping if I ever needed it.

“Do you want a little cousin to play with?”

He claps his hands, which obviously means he’s on my side.

While I’m helping him climb up a short ladder to a slide, Lindsey joins us.

“You’re so good with him,” she says with a smile. “You know we’re all so glad you’re back in town. You’re not planning on leaving again, are you?”

Cruz squeezes my hand as he finishes climbing the last stair. “No, actually. I’m probably here to stay.”

“You hear that, Cruz?! Your auntie Maddie might be sticking around for good!”

My weekend without Sawyer starts out nice. I’m able to revel in all the joyful hope of what could be without feeling crushed by the weight of worry about what Sawyer is going to say once I finally tell him the truth. But by Sunday evening, I’m too antsy to appreciate the peace anymore. I want to get it over with, rip off the Band-Aid, endure the awkwardness and figure out a way to come out the other side.

My impatience has me driving Queenie’s car out to Starlight Vineyards first thing Monday morning. There’s probably a better time and place to have this conversation, but I can’t wait anotherminute. I need to talk to Sawyer and I want to do it in person, before I lose the nerve.

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