Page 69 of Karma's Kiss

“Just my butt cheeks,” I tease.

Sawyer shakes his head, still grinning.

“What’d Queenie have to say about it?”

The mention of Queenie brings a flood of panic about the hard parts of our conversation we’ve yet to get to. I chew on my bottom lip wondering if this is the perfect segue to launch into it. I’d rather not, of course. We’ve reached a sort of tenuous peace here, one that might last if I only walk away here and now. I’m almost tempted to take the coward’s way out and make this a problem for future Madison, but I spent the weekend agonizing and I can’t let this continue to draw out, appealing as it might be.

Sawyer’s expression sobers as he sees me warring with indecision. I realize I’ve been wringing my hands and I let them drop back by my sides. “Queenie didn’t say much. It’s not like she can ground me or anything…”Now. Do it.“But there is something else I need to tell you.”

My heart pounds ceaselessly in my chest, so fast and out of control it almost hurts.

His mouth tightens into a speculating frown. “All right.”

“About the other night…what we did.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, waiting for me to get on with it. I glance behind me to make sure we’re still alone in the tasting room before I clasp my hands in front of me and stare at a speck of dirt on the ground. Better than meeting his eyes…

“I’m not sure if you realized we didn’t use protection.”

There’s an unbearably long pause, and I’m forced to glance up at him.

His expression has tightened, those warm brown eyes so impossible to read. “I’m aware, and I’m really sorry about that. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

Right. That issue hadn’t even occurred to me with everything else going on.

“Yes, well…I’m glad to hear that, but you probably assumed I was on something, a pill…but I’m not.”

I see the rise and fall of his chest, study his carefully guarded expression. I wonder how much he’s panicking inside right now, mentally calculating pregnancy odds the same way I did with Kendra.

I don’t want to keep going, but I have to. “There’s a chance…”

“Okay—”

I hold out my hand quickly to cut him off, not wanting him to say something I’ll never be able to unhear. I just need to finish this so he knows where I stand and then he can make his decision from there.

“I know there are things we can do. But…I was wondering, well I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t do any of them. Maybe I’d just see what happens.”

My chin rises as I hold myself steady and guarded against his impending reaction to this unexpected news.

His eyes widen and his skin flushes, those handsome high cheekbones stained pink with color. “You’re thinking…”

“I don’t know,” I answer hastily. “I just don’t want to have to make a decision about it right now.”

This is a small lie. I know what I want to do, what I’m hoping for even this very minute, but I don’t want to scare him so I’ll make it sound like I’m still mulling things over. “I’d like to think on it for a little while. But I want to be perfectly clear that my decision doesn’t have to affect you in any way.” He needs to know that now, before he starts really freaking out. “I know it must be unexpected and scary to hear all of this, and I’m not trying to twist you up into anything. You can think of the other night as a donation.”

“A donation?” he sputters like he finds the idea ludicrous.

Now I’m pressing my lips together, restraining my smile. It sounds ridiculous to hear him repeat it back to me. “I’m just trying to explain that you’re off the hook. I’m not going to shake you down for child support for the next eighteen years or anything because of one careless night we shared.”

His jaw tenses. “Madison McCall, what kind of man do you think I am?” An angry one by the looks of it. “I want to be a dad. I always have. This is…a little different than I imagined it.” He rubs the back of his neck as he continues, “But I can adapt.”

I want to grin, but something holds me back: disbelief and skepticism, the inability to believe he could possibly be on board with this too.

“Really?” I ask with a hard stare.

But he’s smiling, unwilling to shrink under my intense gaze, and it feels like there’s a connection between us, something I could reach out and strum with my fingers if I tried.

“Really,” he replies confidently.

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