Page 42 of Karma's Kiss

When he sees us walking along the perimeter fence, he waves. I smile brightly and wave back, but when he turns to continue running the drill, I sag back to my previous posture.

“Sure this is a good idea?” Lindsey asks.

“Help me sit on the dugout bench and then I’ll get it together. I just need a few minutes.”

While everyone else goes out onto the field to practice some pregame drills, I sit with my head tipped back against the chain-link fence, working on taking deep breaths and focusing on a single point out in the distance.

A few minutes before the game starts, everyone crowds in around me. David pats my shoulder. “If I’d known you were really this sick, I wouldn’t have forced you out of bed.” There’s a touch of remorse in his tone. “Want me to see if I can get you a ride home?”

“No.I’m fine.” I don’t want to give up now that I’m so close to getting to talk to Sawyer. He’s out near home plate, chatting with the captain of the other team. Soon he’ll have to come into the dugout though.

I can’t believe it’s only been two days since I was last with him, kissing in the creek. It feels like longer. I want him to look at me and smile. I want his attention, but he’s too busy getting everything ready to go for the game to start.

The one silver lining is that this team seems to be much less intense than last week’s. There are no war chants, no music blaring so loud it rattles my eardrums. I wouldn’t be able to survive that.

Finally, Sawyer walks into the dugout and whistles to get everyone’s attention. I swear everyone sits up a little straighter as they give him their full focus. He’s so good at being captain, at taking command of us. “Listen up, I’ve made some changes to the batting order. Lindsey and Charlotte, you’ll go after Madison.”

“Oh.”

There’s a bit of confusion as Lindsey and Charlotte look at me. I should definitelynotbe batting before them, but maybe Sawyer has some secret strategy we’re not privy to. Or maybe he’s showing me a little favoritism. I have to tamp down my smile at the thought.

I stand, the world spins, and I swap spots with them.

Sawyer walks in our direction and I think he’s heading toward me. He’s going to smile and bend down, ask how I’m feeling, maybe even press the back of his hand to my forehead. I’m still daydreaming about the possibilities when I realize he’s walked right by on his way to grab something from his bag at the far end of the dugout. I stare in confusion, but then,of course. It clicks. He’s just bumped me up in the batting order; he’s probably trying to be sly about it. That, or David must have warned him that I’m not feeling well. I’m giving major Fuck Off vibes. No one has tried to talk to me except to ask if I’m okay.

“I got drunk with Queenie and Marge once.” Pam O’Neal chuckles. “That hangover lasted aweek. Don’t envy you, girl.”

You know who’s not feeling hungover?Charlotte.She’s in her full glory this morning. She’s accessorized her red and white uniform with all the pink she could manage: pink Nikes, pink jewel-studded headband, tiny pink diamond studs in her ears. She’s perky and upbeat, leading everyone in a chant as Sawyer goes out to bat.

“I just love watching him hit!” she squeals to Lindsey with an obvious sparkle of love in her eyes. Looking at her makes me feel like I’m staring at a Disney princess. Which makes me…what? The ogre? The troll? The Pixar lamp?

As if on cue, my stomach roils, solidifying my non-princess casting in this fairy tale. Princesses aren’t hungover at softball. I really should have tried to eat something before I got here.

Sawyer hits a triple and then David sends him home when he whacks one over the shortstop’s head. As Sawyer runs back into the dugout, everyone holds out a hand for a high five, congratulating him on the first run of the game. He accidentally misses my hand, but to be fair, there’s a lot going on in here.

“Great job, Sawyer!”

“Let’s do this, Heatwave!”

I lean forward just enough to watch Sawyer take a seat beside Charlotte.

She bumps her shoulder against his with a girlish laugh. “Nice job,captain.”

“You going to hit a good one today?” he asks her with a shadow of a smile.

“How could I not with how much you helped me practice before the game? I think I’ve really got it now.”

A twist of jealousy makes my stomach hurt more than it already does. While I appreciate that Sawyer’s moved me up in the batting order, it has the unintended consequence of putting Charlotte right beside him; whenever we’re in the dugout, she’ll be wedged between us, occupying his time.

It’s fine though; not like I’d be the best conversationalist today. I’m lucky I can even manage to get up and bat when it’s my turn. Of course I strike out. There was no chance in hell I was going to connect bat to ball in my current state. Frankly just standing is an accomplishment.

Everyone consoles me as I make my way back to my seat.

“You’ll get ’em next time, Madison!”

“You nearly had that last one, Madi!”

I peer over at Sawyer, waiting to see what helpful thing he’ll say, but he’s focused down on his clipboard.

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