Page 35 of My (Not So) Perfect Plan

“Um…”

“Yeah, not going to happen.”

She’s silent. I know she doesn’t know what to say because now is not the time for this conversation. I decide to save her.

“No pressure, Claire. We’ll figure it out. And thank you for being concerned about me.”

We chat for a few more minutes and then say goodbye. I catch myself almost saying ‘I love you,’ but manage to awkwardly transition it to something else. Hopefully she doesn’t notice and freak out.

The following morning mom drives me to outpatient surgery. Claire texts me on the way there.

CLAIRE: Good luck!

EVAN: Thank you. If I don’t wake up, I’m willing you my truck

CLAIRE: LOL You’ll be fine!!

When mom leaves me to the doctors and nurses, I swallow down my fear and hope for the best. I may not be ableto play college ball or get into the NFL, but I it’s not like I won’t have options.

When I wake up Claire is at my elbow. I smile and reach out a hand to her. She hesitates and then shyly puts her hand in mine.

“How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty,” I croak.

I know I can’t be dehydrated because they still have me on an IV, but my mouth is dry. When she hands me a cup with ice water in it, I suck it down.

“Here.” She offers me a tube of non-colored chapstick.

“Trying to get these lips back in kissing condition?” I tease and wipe some on.

“No. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

I play with her fingers for a few seconds. “You’re too good to me, Claire.”

She doesn’t meet my eyes and she seems worried.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay after the surgery. Um, but I told your mom, I’m going back to volunteering at the clinic and Mr. Henderson was able to assign me another tutor.”

“But – but…” My mind is overloaded trying to process what she’s saying, but her timing stinks profoundly. “What about tutoring me and helping me with my exercises? I mean, what do you mean, Claire?”

She winces and pulls her hand away. “I’m really sorry. I know this is the worst timing, but I didn’t know when else I could do it and I – everything that’s going on at school… I just…can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what?” I ask in disbelief.

“This,” she waves her hand back and forth between us. “Whatever this is. I can’t afford any distractions right now. Tina and Co. are kind of making my life hell right now. Our only saving grace is that Rachel is dating Jaxon, so he tries to get them to tone it down, but I – I have to win. You don’t understand. I have to win for my family. I know to you opportunity isn’t this huge, enormous thing, but to me it’s everything.”

“You think I don’t appreciate how important opportunity is?” I’m filled with bitterness and it all comes out in an onslaught. “I just lost any opportunity I had to join the NFL. The NFL, Claire. Where they makemillionsof dollars for a single contract, all to do something I love to do anyway. What makes you think I think opportunity isn’t important?”

She holds her stomach like my words are causing her physical pain, but she’s hurting me so bad, I don’t care or hold back.

“I really thought we had something,” I say, incapable of keeping the pain out of my voice. “You’re so different. Was I just a charity case gotten out of hand? You had the hots for me, but realize that’s not enough for a relationship, so you kick me to the curb?”

“No, no! Nothing like that! You don’t understand, I have priorities, goals. I have a plan, a perfect plan. If I can accomplish it for them, for my brothers and sisters, I have to try.”

I cross my arms over my chest, which makes me feel petulant, so I uncross them again.

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