Page 79 of Those Heartbreak Scars

His cum drips down my thigh as I race into the bedroom for panties. I keep a spare pair in my purse these days. Grabbing his shirt I put it on and latch a couple of buttons.

The door to the suite shuts. My panties are flooded by the time I join him.

I drop into a seat while he flips open the lid of the pizza box.

Reaching over, I pry the closest piece away from the others. The cheese grows stringy and snaps as I lift it free. Resting my feet on the edge of his seat, I pick the bell pepper off and pop it in my mouth first. Then a mushroom. Then a piece of pepperoni.

“You always dissect your food, don’t you?” He smiles at me indulgently before taking a proper bite.

I shrug.

His sandy hair is ruffled. It makes him look relaxed. Sexy. “I always thought you did that to be cute.”

That’s not why, but hey… “You think it’s cute?”

“Well…” His lips curve. “Yeah.”

He thought I was being cute. “That’s practically the same as thinking I was cute.”

His cheeks turn pinkish. “Uh.”

“I’m teasing.” I grin at him.

He grins back, looking more carefree than he has in a long time.

He doesn’t look like a man who just set fire to his career for me. It’s so good to see him smile. Even if he must be stressing about his future. “I’m so sorry that I cost you your job.”

“You didn’t cost me my job. It wasn’t your fault. I was an idiot for making it such a big deal.”

“But it is a big deal.” I quit going to school months ago and I’m still worried and have no idea what I want to do now. His career was important to him. He was good, no, great at it.

“No. It isn’t.” He takes my hand and draws on my palm with his pointer finger while he works out what he wants to say. “I realized I was trying to hold onto a semblance of who I used to be before…well, before Indy pulled the rug out from under me.”

I remember the look on his face when he left the hospital the day Indy collapsed. The utter devastation when she said yes to marrying Theo. A shattered man walked out of that hospital room and out of our lives. I hated seeing him like that, but Indy was my priority then.

“After that everything else about me felt broken. The one thing that was salvageable was my career.” He chews something over as he stares at my palm. It makes him seem so serious. “Tonight it became abundantly clear that I don’t want to hold onto that person I was with her. I tried so hard to be exactly who I thought she needed that I missed the mark by a mile. When I’m with you I am a mess. I have no patience. And no control…”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” I like the way he takes control.

“Okay, then I act impulsively. You once asked me if I would ever be like that, and I told you that I never would. That only assholes act like that. That only people who don’t care about hurting other people act out their feelings like that.”

I squeeze his shoulder. “It doesn’t make you a bad person, Gray.”

“I know that now. I was hurting when I said that. But I also didn’t know what it felt like to want someone so damn much that it’s impossible to stay away. I told myself that I came looking for you because we were friends. Or that I needed to make amends for prior actions. But it was always because I couldn’t stay away.And when I couldn’t lie to myself anymore, I clung to the things that I have always been able to control.” He grabs my waist and plucks me from my seat, placing me on his lap. “I hurt you instead of admitting that the person I used to be wasn’t happy. I’m so sorry. I want to be the person that I am when I’m with you. But I can’t be him and continue to work for All-Star. Any company that still wants that prick is no company I want to represent.”

“So what are you going to do now?” I grab the other slice of pizza off his plate and hold the tip out for him to bite.

He chews on it thoughtfully. “I used to have this dream of starting my own agency.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I needed experience. And then it didn’t make sense to make that kind of gamble with the future all planned out.”

His future with Indy. “You should do it now.”

“There’s a lot of paperwork. I’ll need to register as an LLC. And figure out the commission. Sort out insurance. Lawyers. But I have money left from the sale of my condo that I can use to support the business until it turns a profit. And years of experience. Hell, I only went back to All-Star because that’s where I started.” His shoulders sink. “All my clients are signed to them.”

“That means they keep them all, right?” Which means I cost him everything. All of those relationships he’d built over the years. All gone. “Because of me.”

---