Page 5 of Those Heartbreak Scars

“A few weeks.” I swallow another mouthful of Dove’s cocktail. There’s a nice buzz under my skin from the booze. It doesn’t soften how much I miss my family. I missed them before, but now I’m hiding things from them too and the distance has grown. “I still can’t find the words.”

“You could just tell them.” Gray says. “Your parents are understanding.”

“But what if they think I’ve wasted their time? And mine. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I don’t have a backup plan. Or any plan at all.” After almost losing Indy six months ago, what I’m going through… it all feels so insignificant.

My doctor suggested I might have a touch of depression. That’s another thing I keep to myself. My best friend didn’t die. My family, as far away as they are, love me. What have I got to be down about, really?

I stand up and exit the booth. “I think I’m going to go dance. Will you join me?”

“You want me to dance?” Gray looks surprised.

“Don’t tell me you don’t dance. I’ve seen you.” I waggle my fingers in his face. “EJ can’t be the only one of us cutting loose. That wouldn’t make sense.”

“You’re right.” He takes my hand and leads me onto the floor.

Sweaty bodies grind and press all around us, forcing us into each other’s personal space.

“So no school. You work at a coffee shop. Any boyfriend I should be worried might take our dancing together the wrong way?”

I’m jostled from behind and wrap my arms around Gray’s neck to steady myself. “No boys on this girls’ trip. No boyfriend at all.”

“You always preferred your independence,” he muses. He grips my hips before I can pull away.

I always preferred him.

I settle into this feeling of not having to avoid touching him. The drink in me says it’s okay. Right now it’s okay to be attracted to him and to pretend that he isn’t my friend and my best friend’s ex. At this moment being this close to him is acceptable.

“Dating didn’t work for me.” Because comparison is the thief of joy, and no one measured up to him. Friendly situationships and casual hookups are so much easier to end. “There was someone I was seeing.”

“Yeah?” he bows his head, bringing his cheek closer to mine so it’s easier to hear.

“He was older. Wiser. And it turns out… married.”

“Oh, America.” There’s disappointment in his voice. I’m disappointed in myself too. Why do I keep making such bad choices? Why can’t I move on to someone who could be good for me?

“I ended it as soon as I found out.” I missed this. Being able to talk to him about what was going on in my world. It’s comfortable, like putting on an old sweater. But it’s one I’ve borrowed from my girl, and it’s still covered in her perfume. “He didn’t like when I told him it was over.”

He grits his teeth. “You deserve better. The whole world. You know that, right? You’re a force, America. You always have been. You have so many options.”

“What about you?” I ask, and immediately regret it when a storm of emotion gathers in his eyes. There’s parfum de Indy again.

He cranes his neck and glances around instead of answering. “I can’t see EJ anywhere.”

Chapter Three

America

I scan the crowd for Dove. She’s usually easy to spot. The girl with the long silver hair is usually surrounded by guys everywhere we go. It’s amusing watching them trip all over themselves to flirt with her when she’s normally nothing more than polite. Despite being single, she’s not shown an ounce of interest in anyone. Until EJ.

Even with the two of them all over each other, there should be some kind of masculine circle around them.

Regardless, EJ is tall enough to spot in a crowded club, but I don’t see a glimpse of him. “Do you think they left?”

“I think that’s a definite possibility.” Gray scans the shadowy corners for our friends before he pulls out his phone, presumably to check to see if EJ sent a text. Gone is the stricken look he had. “They’re not in here and he hasn’t messaged me.”

I check my device too. Nothing from Dove.

“Perhaps they went outside,” he says.

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