Page 40 of Those Heartbreak Scars

I slam my fist against the steering wheel. Once. Twice.

The idea of losing Indy to her illness was devastating and heartbreaking. It never occurred to me that she would destroy my heart by falling in love with someone else and leave me this twisted up, angry, lonely mess.

I should be relieved and thankful that she’s still alive. And I am. I’m thankful that I don’t have to grieve because she’s no longer here.

But loving Indy ruined me and every good thing in my life. I don’t know how to let her go. I don’t know how to put her behind me and find peace in what happened.

There is nothing I regret more than falling in love with her.

Chapter Fifteen

America

“I hope you don’t mind me being here.” Everett pushes his hands into his pocket. “I know I said that you should take all the time you need. But then you didn’t call, and I couldn’t stay away.”

“It’s barely been two days.” I place the book on the counter. There are two coffee mugs next to the machine. There’s sugar all over the hallway floor in front of the bathroom. My sheets smell like Gray and sex. A lot can happen in such a short amount of time. I’m more confused than I’ve ever been.

“America, I like you so much. Too much, maybe…”

“Everett, I like you too.” He’s not the typical douche I tend to date. I finally broke my cycle. I really thought there might be something more here than sex. Maybe even love, eventually.

And then this thing with Gray started.

Obviously I was fooling myself. I’m clearly still as hopelessly in love with Gray as I have ever been.

Why couldn’t he have noticed me instead of Indy all those years ago? It’s a question I’ve asked myself a million times, but it hit me differently when he wished for it earlier. Like we’re both aware that we could have had something real if she hadn’t gotten between us. And now he’s not with Indy.

I feel guilty thinking of her as the barrier between us. She is my home and my heart. She is this piece of me that I never want to be without. Almost losing her really brought that into focus.

There can never be anything real between me and Gray because it would hurt her too much. But it doesn’t make me want him any less. Telling myself all the reasons why he can never be mine has never stopped me loving him.

A new text from Indy chirps on my phone, heightening my guilt. I ignore it, because I can’t stomach looking at it. She has such perfect timing.

“Then be my girlfriend.” Everett grabs my waist and pulls me into his arms. “Let me introduce you to my teammates, their wives and girlfriends. I want to see you at my games. I want to take you out. Let the public see us together.”

“Everett.” I press at his chest, needing to extricate myself from his grip. I need to end things with him. I can’t lead him on when there is nothing here for him. “I like you, but—”

The Beatles start playing “Hey Jude” from the depths of his pocket. The pressure in my chest eases up as he digs it out.

“Hold that thought.” He walks into my living room to answer the call. “Hey, Mum.”

I pick up my phone and read the message Indy left for me.

Indy: Is this HE?

Above it is a picture of me and Everett outside the restaurant the other night. He’s holding my hand and I look like I wanted to avoid the cameras, when really, I wanted to avoid Gray and the mess I was running headlong into.

Maybe Everett could be myheif Gray wasn’t in the picture.

America: Not HE.

Indy: Damnit. I was so certain. Theo thought I might be onto something too. Tell me you’re dating him as well. I’ve been reading a lot of Why Choose romances lately.

America: What romances?

Indy: Polyamorous. Like maybe the guys have a relationship as well. Or like she has three boyfriends or more.

America: Do you wish you had that? In real life? Do you wish you still had Gray?

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