Page 12 of Those Heartbreak Scars

Picking up my shirt, I indicate we should move to the balcony to continue this conversation.

He follows me out. “Go on then. Explain.”

“We were drunk.” And I was lonely and sick of hurting. “One thing led to another. A little like you and America’s friend. I’m surprised you’re here, actually.”

“You’re not changing the subject,” he says. “We’re talking about America. And you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I get why you don’t want to go back to your normal life right now. And why you can’t bear to be around my sister. I don’t blame you for wanting to fuck your way through Europe, or whatever it is you’ve been doing these past few months.”

I haven’t slept with anyone since Indy, until last night. But I don’t tell him that. It would probably make things worse, and it’s really not anyone’s business.

“But America is Indy’s best friend. She’s supposed to be your friend. Fucking her to get back at my sister…” He shakes his head.

“That’s not what this was.” I grit my teeth. His sister is the one who had an affair… she is the one who left me… I am not the asshole here.

“Isn’t it?” He raises his brow. “Of all the women in the club last night you slept with Indy’s best friend. You do realize how screwed up that is. Unless… Do you like America?”

“As a friend.” Button latched on my pants, I tug the Henley over my head and smooth it down.

“And as more?” he specifies.

“No. Not at all.” Am I attracted to her? I certainly was last night. She is gorgeous. Smart. Incredibly fun to be around. I collapse onto the wrought iron seat I pulled up to the balcony last night. But in the light of a sun barely crossing the horizon… I am angry. I am in pain. And I did sleep with the one woman I probably shouldn’t have.

There’s a good chance that his opinion holds some weight. That I inadvertently used America. Not as a way to get back at Indy for leaving me. America doesn’t deserve that. But as a way to forget Indy. America doesn’t deserve that either, but I wasn’tthinking so clearly last night. “Maybe you’re right. It’s been months and it hasn’t gotten easier. I don’t think it ever will.”

“Sure it will,” he says. “And then you’ll come back to Chicago and settle into real life. You’ll meet someone new. And you’ll find a way to be happy again.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Indy broke me. There’s nothing but scar tissue left. I don’t want anyone else. I can’t imagine a future without her in it, let alone with somebody else.

“It will be. In time,” he says. “As long as it isn’t with America.”

“It won’t be America.” Having a few too many drinks and a one-night stand with her is one thing, but she deserves something real, and I can’t give her that. I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. “I could never date her.”

“Careful,” EJ growls, as protective of America as he would be if she were really his sister.

She’s my friend so I understand the desire to protect her. When she told me about that bastard of a professor I could barely keep from bunching my fists and pounding one into the little iron table. “What happened last night was an unfortunate lack of judgement on my part. But we’re both adults and I’m sure that we both know what this was. It will never happen again.”

EJ nods as though satisfied. Yawns. “I’m going to grab a shower and then get a couple hours sleep.”

He disappears inside, but I find myself dawdling on the balcony. America is most likely still curled up in my bed, sleeping. I can’t climb in beside her like EJ and I never had this talk. God only knows how awkward that would be.

It’s more than that though. Having her back in my life… joking around… talking about all the things we’ve missed theselast few months was nice, but it didn’t change the fact that I woke up still missing Indy.

What happened last night was a huge mistake. It should never have happened. It complicates everything between us again. It’s not what I wanted. So I’ll explain myself. Hopefully we can find a way to be on the same page about this.

She’s dressed and searching frantically under the bed when I enter the room. She barely stops when she notices me.

The shower is running behind the closed bathroom door.

“Everything okay?” I glance around for a condom. I can’t remember wrapping up but I know I would have used one, although I didn’t pack any. But EJ did, so I probably grabbed one from him. “Your cousin didn’t say anything, did he?”

“What would he say?”

“Nothing really.” How do I start a conversation about how we shouldn’t have ended up in bed last night?

She sits back on her heels. “I can’t find my shoes.”

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