Page 85 of Those Heartbreak Scars

Gray hasn’t talked to his parents in years. His job with All-Star was his tie to the city, but that’s over now. He still can’t stand the people that I miss. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to tell Indy about us.

I’m so sick of keeping secrets from her. But I’ve been letting her believe that the guy I’m with is someone else for so long, I think the only way I can tell her the truth is face-to-face.

“And if you don’t need to go back to school?” he asks.

“Then obviously I don’t need to return to Chicago.” I shrug as I rub the goosebumps from one arm. I expected he would need a moment to wrap his head around it. That doesn’t mean he’s angry or upset with me. At least that’s the logic I try to tell myself. It certainly feels like it’s a big deal with how quickly he became somber and serious. “At least not for that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His attention caught, he focuses back on me.

Staring at his chest, I swallow my nerves. He’ll understand even if he doesn’t like it. “Indy wants me to go to the Dells with her. They’re celebrating that it’s been a year since the surgery.”

His nostrils flare. He rears back. Pain floods his gaze.

“You didn’t realize?” He no longer wakes up with her on his mind, but I thought for sure…

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day she shattered his heart. I practiced in my head how it would go every day for a week. Planned ways to distract him. I figured they’d worked since he was barely grumpy.

Two weeks from now it’ll be a year since she married Theo, the day after will be a year since the surgery. Every day she reminds me that we’re going to celebrate, and I promise I will be there. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to be excited for this trip when her happiness came at Gray’s suffering.

If he forgot, that has to be a good thing, right?

“I knew. But I lost track of time or…” He shakes his head, his eyes full of surprise. He grips the side of my neck and fuses our mouths. “Or I’m over her. She doesn’t deserve my focus or my energy. You do.”

“I do, huh?” I smile against his mouth. If he’s getting over her then maybe one day he’ll be able to handle being in the same place as her. Assuming she ever forgives me for having a relationship with him behind her back.

“Of course you do.” He tucks a tendril of my hair behind my ear. “So you’re going to go?”

“I… want to. She’s my best friend.”

He swallows harshly. “When will you leave?”

“I have a red eye booked for the night before. We’ll leave straight from the airport and head to the Dells.”

“How long will you be gone?” he asks.

I take a deep breath and let it out. “I need to spend some time with my parents too. I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks. Maybe a month.”

I don’t want to miss the BBQ that my mom’s side of the family puts on at least once a summer. I want to play dominoes with my grandpa while Mom and her sister cuss and argue over who makes the best potato salad. It’s always exhausting, but it’s always fun.

Mostly I need time for Indy to forgive me after I tell her about Gray and me. I need to tell her the truth. On my own. I can’t just throw our relationship in her face. But a month is a long time, and I’ll miss him too much. “Maybe, we…”

“You know I can’t.” He kisses me, there’s a bittersweetness to it that wasn’t there before. A look of desperation in his eyes. “Just promise me you’ll come back to me.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Gray

“Is he coming?” Indy’s voice is the first thing I hear when I let myself into the small Airbnb we’re staying at in Amsterdam.

It’s so loud that my heart skips a beat and my temperature rises before I realize she isn’t in the same room as America, but no doubt on speaker.

“I want to meet him,” she says, bubbling with excitement.

It knocks the air out of me. I don’t know what I expected she’d sound like. I suppose I spent so much time telling myself that she had to be miserable, or bitchy, or a shadow of who she was because I needed to believe that I wasn’t the only one suffering.

Obviously, that isn’t the case. She’s vibrant. Happy. Excited that her best friend has found someone she really likes.

“I’ll talk to him about it again. I can’t make any promises,” America says. I move deeper into the house until she comes into sight. She’s sitting on the counter in her panties and a lightweight robe while she paints her toenails. Her hair is wrapped up in her favorite satin bonnet, so she hasn’t been up long.

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