Page 29 of Sexy Bad Escort

“Hellyeah, it is. That’s way more of a big deal than starting your own dating service.Okay, that’s a pretty big deal, too, given your insistence onpretending you don’t care about how you’re going to get along inthe world. But I always knew you would figure it out someday,whenever you decided to stop letting your dad’s opinions rule yourlife. And frankly, a dating service is right up your alley. Like acalling or something.”

I swipemy hand over my face. “If my dad ever found out, he’d disown me forreal.None of this justnot-speaking bullshit. I can’t think of many other career choiceshe’d hate worse. Hell, he’d prefer it if Iweresleeping with my dates, rather than helping themcome to terms with their love for another person.”

“Well,considering youtwohaven’t spoken in literally years, I don’t think we have to worryabout that. So let’s get back to you and Ronnie.”

“Hey,look,” I say, desperate for a distraction. “This is that pet storewith the parrot that likes to say fuck. Come on.” I drag herthrough thedoor.

Thereare rows and rows of shelves filled with supplies for pets rangingfrom cats and dogs tosnakes and chinchillas to stingrays and sharks. Glass enclosuresline one wall, each little prison containing some exotic animal oranother. Wooden cages hang from the ceiling, and birds in myriadcolors call out, beckoning us to take them home. I mean, notliterally, but they still chirp or caw at us, and I assume that’swhat they’re saying.

“Where’sthe parrot?” I ask after scanning the variouscages.

A manwitha head of thick,white hair and a nametag affixed to his white button-down shirtsteps out from a back room. “Hello there. What can I help you withtoday?”

“Theparrot,” I say, pointing at one of the cages. “The cussing parrot.Where is it? Did someonebuy him?”

The manshakes his head and frowns. “Actually, he’s in the back. Animalcontrol is on their wayto come get him. I can’t have him in the store; he’s too vulgar.And no one will purchase a swearing parrot.”

“I wouldtotally purchaseaswearing parrot.” Wait, did those words come out of my mouth? Iglance around, like maybe someone else said that. Because I don’twant a pet. I’m perfectly happy watching the goat, the duck, andthe cat from afar, knowing someone else is responsible for takingcare of them. I can barely take care of myself at this point in mylife. I don’t…

“Really?” Theman’s entire demeanor brightens. “Because I’m pretty sure they’rejust going to put him down. And if you get past the swearing, he’sreally a great bird. I’ll even give him to you. And I’ll throw inthe cage. Just buy his food and whatever toys you think he mightwant. He’s yours.”

The petstore employee, who I assume is the owner if he’s able to give awayone of the birds, hurries away and disappears into the backroom again. I glance at Erin,who’s laughing so hard there are tears in her eyes.

“Shit.Ithink I just adopted acussing bird.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

RONNIE

“Mom,what’s up?”I dump mypurse on the sofa and kick off my shoes as I sort through the mail,the phone clutched between shoulder and ear. “If this is about yourneighbor, I haven’t heard from him.”

It’samazing how easy it is not totake phone calls you don’t want when you screen your callsfirst. But Ben actually hasn’t called.

“Can Inot call my favorite daughter to ask how her day was?”Mom asks.The guilt trip is strong inthis one.I head intothe kitchen to put the groceries away. After Danny left, I decidedI needed to do something more with my life than be a sex slave, soI hit up the local mom-and-pop grocer for baking ingredients. I putthe bag on the counter.

Actually, Ishould probably update the books for Rent-A-Danny, but I can’t findthe ability to concentrate so I opted for procrastibaking. Now thatsounds like something my mother would approve of.

I rollmy gaze to the ceiling while I toss the junk mail and pamphletsinto the recyclebin.Only atleast once every damn day since I moved to college.“I’m your only daughter. Andyou can. Of course you can. But I talked to you only thismorning.”

“Well, I wantedto hear about your day. Make sure everything went...” She pauses,and it’s as pregnant as a woman four weeks from delivery, “Well.How is Danny? How’s your new job?”

“Dannyis fine, Mom.” Seriouslyfine. Like I’m practically drooling just thinking about a replay ofthis morning before he left for his date with Karen. “And the jobis exceeding my expectations.”And my orgasm quota.

“T-that’s really good to hear,love.” She lets out a breath as though it isn’twhat she expected to hear, but there’s a lilt to her voice. The“trying to keep the conversation light because she has somethingimportant to say” tone I heard a lot as a teenager. So her nextquestion isn’t shocking. “Can I ask you somethingpersonal?”

I raiseone eyebrow at the phone. “What kind of personal?”

“Aboutyour sex life.”Holy shit, did my mother just ask me about my sexlife?She barges onwithout waiting for a response. “Are you and Danny sleepingtogether?”

My mouthisacting weird, likeI’ve been to the dentist and I can’t form words properly because mylips are stunned. This is a new level of weird with my mother.Sure, she gave me the sex talk a long time ago, but I havebrothers. She had to know I’d already learned nearly everythingthrough eavesdropping and their eagerness to disgust me. “Are youserious? Do you ask my brothers this same question?”

“Well, I wouldif I thought I needed to.”

I guessit’s pretty clear though. Garrett’s gotAbby, James has a three-month-old, and I swear anyminute Paynt and Chloe are going to announce they’re pregnant, withthe way they’ve been acting.Christ, mom, please don’t let your next questionbe about when I’m going to have my own litter.“And you think you need to know if Dannyand I are bumping uglies?”

“Notexactly. It’s just—” Again she leaves whatever is really botheringher unsaid. The woman is cryptic as Morse code.

“Christ,Mom. It’s not reallyanyof your business, but if you must know, the answer isyes.”

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