Page 69 of It's Holy Matrimony, Baby

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Until death do us part

NOX

“I’m sorry. She knows,” Liv says, shutting the bedroom door behind her and stalking through the living area toward the cabin door.

Climbing off the couch, I watch her open the door and head outside. Glance at the bedroom door. I have to explain to her. Have to tell her why that stupid deal doesn’t even matter anymore.

Beck’s cross-legged on the bed, Hollander in her lap. She’s curled over him, her hair a waterfall that partially covers them both and she’s sobbing like her heart’s breaking. I take a deep breath and try to still the panic that’s coursing through my veins. I’m losing her. For money. For a stupid building that doesn’t mean anything. “Angel, please...”

She lifts her head. Her hands, wrapped in bandages to protect her palms, are moving over Hollander’s fur in a flighty haphazard manner. I screw up my brow. Surprising that he doesn’t push her hand away. Tears drip down her cheeks and along her jaw and onto his fur. She’s so quiet. They both are.

“I wanted to tell you.” I move closer to the bed. Have to make her understand that this isn’t about money. It hasn’t been for weeks now.

“He’s...” She sobs. Her shoulders shudder, and she pulls in a breath as she glances at my boy stretched across her lap.

Pain flickers in my chest as I take in what I’m seeing. Take in the way Hollander’s belly isn’t rising and falling. Hold my breath while I wait for him to move. Any minute now he will move, and everything will be fine, right? Of course it will. Because this isn’t his time. He’s hardy as hell.

“Hollander?” I croak, crouching beside the bed when he doesn’t move. “Come on, bud. Stop playing.”

Beck sobs harder. Great big gulping sounds. “I can’t.”

He and I, we’ve been together so long. Can barely remember a time where he wasn’t with me. I reach out and run my hand through his fur. He’s still warm. My eyes burn so much. I can’t breathe. “Bud?”

“I can’t do this,” Beck whispers. “I can’t.”

“Let me take him.” I reach out to take Hollander from her lap, but she doesn’t relinquish him.

“You don’t understand.” She sniffles. “I can’t do this.”

“It’s okay.” I squeeze her calf. “It’s not...” a sign, or the curse, or anything to do with her fears. “He was old, Angel. He lived a long life. Years longer than he was supposed to.” Not long enough. “It was just his time to go.”

“No. You don’t know...” She’s so pale, her eyes red rimmed and puffy. Her lashes stick to each other like they’re glued. Her voice is barely a whisper. “I-I—” She glances down at Hollander. “Died.”

“I don’t understand.” It doesn’t make sense. She’s here. She’s alive.

“When I was hit by the car, my heart beat was disrupted. I went into arrest. I died. They performed CPR in the ambulance. Shocked me.” She shivers. “It took them three minutes and thirty-six seconds to get my heart beating again. I wasn’t supposed to be here.” She finally looks at me. “I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be part of the story I told you. Another McClain that didn’t make it.”

My beautiful wife might have been gone from this world long before I met her. Can’t fathom it. Can’t bear the ache that fills my chest. “You were given a second chance. That’s all that matters.” I clasp her face between my hands and press my forehead to hers. “You’re here. With me. Where you’re supposed to be.”

“How can you say that when everything is falling apart?” she asks. “How can you think I should stay when you’ve lost so much?”

“Because you hold me together. You’re the only reason I’m not falling apart. Because with you I can see a different future than the one I’ve grasped at for so long. I need you, Beck. I can’t do it without you. I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t lose you either,” she whispers. “But don’t you see that’s why I can’t stay?” She pulls away from me. Sobs as she glances at Hollander. “I’ll walk away from you a thousand times just to know that you’re okay. But if...” Her lips trembles, her eyes beg me to understand. “I can’t lose you. I can’t be here knowing you aren’t. And I can’t stare death in the face again.”

“Maybe...” I grasp at straws. Anything to get her to change her mind. “Maybe because you died you don’t have to have all these worries. Stay. We’ll work it out. I promise.”

“Until death do us part?” she whispers.

“Exactly.”

“I can’t.” She goes back to stroking Hollander.

I can’t stand the silence. I reach out and take him from her arms, cradle him for a moment before I lay him down on the blanket. “We all die eventually, Beck. Everyone does. But I want to spend every day that I do have with you.”

“Please, Nox,” she begs as she climbs to her feet and glances around at the space we’ve shared as husband and wife. Sliding her feet into a pair of flats, she wipes her face with her hands and walks through the living room to the kitchen. Picks up her handbag and the papers on the counter and brings them to me. “Sign the papers.”

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