Page 68 of It's Holy Matrimony, Baby

“You’ll give it to him. Whatever it was,” I tell her. She swallows and her lips part, but I press on. “I don’t want to know the details. He’s lost so much because of me. Because you decided to interfere. He didn’t deserve to be pulled into this. Please make this right for him.”

“All right.” She exhales. “What about you? What are you going to do?”

“I have to talk to Nox. Get him to sign the papers.”

“I can’t believe that’s what you really want.”

“It is.” I can’t lie to myself. Not with any conviction. I’ll never get over Nox Casey. I’ll carry him with me always, everywhere I go and in everything I do. My heart is already breaking, and it will shatter. No amount of science can explain how much the idea of leaving someone behind hurts. But I can live with that. Go back to spending my time alone. Pretend that I’m happy. Like I did for so long. Because anything is better than the silencing of a heartbeat. His or mine. And I can’t take the chance.

Liv opens the door and sails through it as I sit up and scoop Hollander into my arms. My heart slams to a stop. Something inside me curls up and dies as I snuggle my face against his neck. Oh no, please no.

“Hollander,” I whisper into his fur. “Don’t do this.”

I’m used to his loud purr, his constant pawing, and head butting. But he’s so still and soft, flopped across my lap. My throats clogs and my hands shake as I pet him, waiting for him to move. But he isn’t, and he won’t. And it kills me.

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