Page 54 of Catching Mr. Right

“I’ll help you,” she says.

“You don’t need to.” I fix my attention on the gate. March toward it. Somewhere in the forest behind it Soldier is waiting to be found. I can’t be distracted by the pretty girl beside me. Can’t be wondering whether she’s actually been sick or avoiding me. Whether she’s chasing after Sam still or maybe, just maybe, wanting us to be real. I don’t want to know. Especially that last part.

“But I want to.” She widens her step to keep up with me, reaches out to grab my arm. “Let me help, Cas.”

God, those expressive green eyes get me every damn time. “Okay. Fine.”

We head to the gate in relative silence. There’s a buzz in the air. Flies, a random stray mosquito that doesn’t know it’s supposed to be nocturnal. A couple of birds twittering in the tree branches. That’s nothing compared to the noise of all the things I want to ask and can’t find the words for. Our side glances keep skidding together, so she’s probably trying to work out where to begin too. She swallows a couple times. I scratch my jaw. All the times I wanted her to be quiet and leave me alone weren’t as frustrating as this.

I push open the gate wide enough for her to pass, follow her through and close it behind us. She rubs at her arms as we head into the trees. “How do we find him? Do we start yelling his name?”

“Nope. That’ll make him run.”

“So we have to pound around in here until we spot him? There are miles and miles of forest, Cas.”

“We’ve only been to part of it.” I shrug.

“Where we went?” she asks. Her cheeks color, so does her neck and along her collarbone, and I know she remembers exactly what happened last time we were out here. Probably replaying it in her head right now. I kind of want to tug at the collar of her top so I can see if the blush covers her tits too. “When we—”

“Yes. No.” I don’t want to hear her say when I ate her pussy, or when she gave me a hand job. My mind instantly conjures up the images, the sensations without it. To have her speak the words might make it hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I want to stop and taste her again. “Further up the ridge. There’s a cliff face. An edge. That’s where we look.”

“Okay,” she agrees. We hike up the trail for a while. There’s enough room to walk side by side under the canopy of trees, their leaves twined into a mottled net full of sunlight.

“I hope you’re feeling better,” I tell her when I can’t handle her quiet anymore. I hate that we’ve lost the easiness between us. Hate that my imagination immediately takes me to her being with Sam as the reason.

“I am,” she says, studying her fingernails. “Except I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Sick.”

“I know.” Almost wish she had been. Could have cooked a mean chicken noodle soup for her. Could have cuddled her up in my bed under the air conditioner and let her sleep on my chest. Could have done whatever it took to make her feel better.

“Well, I guess I suck at lying.”

“Why did you?”

“It’s awkward, isn’t it? It feels awkward. I didn’t want it to be weird after… what we did.” She lifts one corner of her mouth, climbs over a log that’s fallen on the path. “I thought it would be better for both of us if we put a clear line between that and when we’re working together.”

“It’s not better for me.” She’s still chasing Sam Sweets. Expected it, but it stings. I want to tell her that. Whose dumb idea was this anyway? Mine. Because I wasn’t going to get close to her. Or be with her. Or spend more than the summer here. Which is why it wasn’t a dumb idea.

“Right, well.” She falls silent as the track turns into a thin rutted line of dirt along the base of the escarpment.

We move along it for a while to a part of the slope that’s less steep where Soldier would have picked his way up.

“I think I see him,” Mandy says, pointing to a part of the skyline where an outcropping of boulders juts into the blue. “Over there.”

“Great.” I pick my way up the flattened grass where Soldier went up.

Mandy follows me. “Are you leaving as soon as the kids do?”

My heart stalls, and I grip the rope in my sweaty palms. The coarse fibers bite into my skin. I hadn’t thought about leaving her. Hadn’t let myself acknowledge how hard it might be, because this wasn’t anything. A play put on for the benefit of another guy. Even when Razer asked me whether I’d considered taking the position permanently the other day it had been a matter of fact that I wouldn’t. Just the way it is. The way my life has worked for over a year now. Years even. All Juliette and I ever did was traipse across Europe for her career. We’d settle in Paris for a few months a year. I’d try to talk her into coming home. She would convince me to stay on the road. And I’d do it. Because I loved her, and I would have done anything for her. Did do anything for her. Everything. Even now I’m still living her life.

“Cas?”

“Probably sooner,” I rasp. Can’t give up Soldier. Can’t let them take him away. Why is it so hard to breathe? “A couple days.”

“Oh.” She’s right behind me. She’s right fucking there, but she gives the impression that she’s so far away.

We’re almost at the top now, where it levels out. The view is amazing. It goes on forever. Rugged crags and valleys, drenched in late afternoon sun. Ever see beauty and not see it? Ever been aware that all it would take to turn a boring landscape into the most perfect vista is to turn around and watch the person you’re with gasp at the view, because without them it holds no value?

I turn and offer her my hand as she hits the top, and she slides her fingers into mine. Mandy Pearce makes the world beautiful. She makes everything vibrant and colorful in a way I never thought I’d see again. She stands beside me on that ledge, Soldier only yards away, and fuck if I don’t want to stay.

“So that’s it?” she asks.

What am I supposed to tell her? What would she even want to hear? Sam is falling for her whether I like it or not. That’s what she wants. Mister Right with his charming personality and his potential to be the perfect family man. Not me. Not this man who is so broken his best friend is a horse he stole from his dead fiancée’s parents. And yeah, that’s funny in some dark, twisted kind of way. Why is that absurd now when for so long it’s been logical?

My heart pounds so hard I swear it echoes over the landscape, bounces off the mountains as thunderous as drums. Soldier raises his head, pricks his ears as though he hears it too. Something else whispers inside me. The faded laughter of a woman I loved. The rippling memories of my life with Juliette. Maybe I’ve been living with her ghost for too long, because I swear I hear her ask, How far would you go to hear Mandy tell you she wants you instead of him?

---