Page 56 of Sexy Bad Neighbor

“It was. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less. Probably more, actually. Assuming we figure out how to get down from here without breaking something.”

Letting it go—for the moment—I glance down again. “Okay, what do we do now?”

He nods at the railing running along the second story hallway overlooking the foyer. “If we can get enough momentum going, we should be able to swing it far enough that you can jump and make it over there. Then go downstairs and grab the ladder to get me down.”

“You’re insane.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“Don’t you have your phone in your pocket? Can’t you call someone?”

“No, it’s not in my pocket, and besides, I’m not sure I want to let even one hand go at this point. How about if you climb down my body? That should get you close enough to jump to the ground without injuring yourself.”

Climbing his body sounds like a marvellous idea, although I’m certain we are not thinking on the same wavelength at the moment. “I’m way too heavy. You won’t be able to hold on.”

“Stop being so goddamn contrary and do as I say!”

Arching my brows, I say, “You’re kidding, right?”

He rolls his eyes. “Come on, Chloe. Work with me here. I’ve got a firm grip on this thing. You need to climb down my body. And you need to hurry, because I’m not confident it’s going to hold much longer. It’s not meant to carry all this weight, and I’ve already cut part of the chain.”

I don’t like his idea, but I don’t have any better ones and my arms are getting tired. Clearly I need to work on strengthening my upper body next time I make it to the gym. Sucking in a deep breath, I shift my hands sideways along the brass bar I’m clinging to, moving painstakingly slow to Paynter. This is not how I envisioned this afternoon would go. I was certain we would be naked by now, celebrating the beginning of what hopefully will be a forever happily ever after. Never would it have crossed my mind that we’d be hanging from a chandelier, far enough from the ground to be concerned about serious injury or even death should we fall.

There is an ominous sound, one of those scary, dark noises that only happens in the movies, and the chandelier shudders. I let out a shriek as the side Paynt and I are hanging from abruptly droops lower than the rest while dust and chunks of plaster rain down on us.

“Fuck. It’s coming out of the ceiling,” Paynter says. “Get over here, Chloe. We need to get the hell off this thing.”

“I’m moving as fast as I can.”

“That’s not fast enough.”

“Are you always this damn bossy?”

“Normally you don’t complain.”

“Normally we aren’t hanging from a chandelier. But seriously, what about other important situations? Are you going to act like this? Because we’re likely to run into a few bumps in this road of life, and I want to know what I’ll be dealing with.”

“Can we get the hell down before starting this conversation?”

“I suppose, but—”

The door swings open and James steps into the foyer. “Holy Christ, you really are hanging from the chandelier.”

“How the hell did you know that?” Paynt asks.

James points at my phone, perched on the bannister. “Chloe never disconnected the call. I’ve been driving like a bat out of hell, listening to you two the whole damn time, hoping I made it here before you killed yourselves.”

“Well, hurry the hell up and get the ladder,” Paynter says, shaking his head, which causes the chandelier to shudder again.

James must sense the danger of the situation—hell, we’re hanging from a chandelier, so I suppose it doesn’t take much to get the impression we might be in a tad bit of trouble. Within seconds he’s righted the ladder and holding it steady while I climb down first and then Paynter. As soon as his feet touch the ground, Paynt stretches out his arms and herds both of us out the front door.

And then the glass and brass monstrosity of a giant penis hanging from his ceiling comes crashing to the floor, sending shards of shrapnel every which way.

“Spot,” I yell.

“It’s okay,” Paynt says, gripping my arm. “The vet said she’d be out for hours.”

My legs start shaking, from the adrenaline rush, I guess, and I sink to the grass with a shudder. Paynt drops to the ground next to me.

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