Page 48 of Depths of Hunger

It’s like I’m married to two different men: Ruthless, dominating Renzo, who is a force of nature, then the Renzo who cares for me with unexpected gentleness. And his softer, caring side messes with my head. I could fall in love with my husband if he weren’t a vampire. But the truth is, it’s not just his dominance or his touch that gets to me. It’s the way he looks at me, the way his voice lowers to that low, compelling growl that makes me wet with just a few words and thebarest brush of his fingers. Who knew I liked to be dominated? Not just in the bedroom, but everywhere. I crave his touch, even now, my skin tingles with the memory of his hands on me.

But his vampire side terrifies and mystifies me. It’s more than fear; it’s a mix of horror and fascination, like staring at a deadly car crash I can’t look away from. I rub my eyes, trying to clear my head. That’s not true either—I don’t just fear it; I’m drawn to it, to the danger and darkness that lurks within him.

My emotions are so out of control and it’s so damn confusing.

What isn’t confusing is how much I love running the family. I thrive on the power, the way people look at me and know I’m the one who can make things happen. It’s the greatest aphrodisiac I’ve ever known. But I know my time at the helm is running out. Renzo is going to come back from the dead soon enough, and when he does, my days as the head of the family will be over. I’m not ready to go back to being just Renzo’s wife. No fucking way. Maria’s lucky—she’s in charge, and her husband would never try to take that from her because he knows she’s better at it.

The meeting with the ‘Ndrangheta is tomorrow night and I’m betting Renzo is going to want to be there. He won’t stay dead when something this important is happening. No matter how much he admires what I’ve done or how proud he is of me—and I know he is—he won’t let me do this on my own. I have to accept that my days of doing anything for the family are over. Once Renzo reveals he’s alive tomorrow, then I go back to being a dutiful wife.

Unless he goes to prison. The chances of that are slim since he didn’t actually murder anyone. Okay, strike that. He didn’t murder the guy whose death they are trying to pin on him. Now that I know him better, I’m sure he’d never kill a guy and leave him in a field. He wouldn’t bother shooting them either unless absolutely necessary. No, he’d rip their throat out and then make the body disappear. I totally understand why he must be careful about prison. It’s not like they’re going to just give him blood. So, I guess I can abandon any hope that Renzo will go to prison.

I pick up my phone and glance at the screen. Luna sent me a text.

Things on this end are deteriorating. Would love to join you at the spa sometime soon.

Shit. God only knows what Luna’s dad has done now. He’s always threatening her with marriage to the worst of the worst. I’d love to have her with me; I wouldn’t be so scared or lonely if it were the two of us. But we’d be easier to track that way, too.

I’m not sure when I’m going to get to the spa. Things are a bit tense. I might need to go at a moment’s notice. Once I get all settled in and things calm down, I’ll reach out. We can have spa time together.

I don’t want to leave Luna behind, but I can’t have anyone with me. Renzo will scour the Earth for me, and God only knows what kind of magic he’d use to find me. As much as I want Luna’s company, it’s better if I go it alone. But when? When can I get out without Renzo or his men paying attention? I rub my eyes again and sit up, leaning against the headboard, my mind racing.

The ‘Ndrangheta meeting tomorrow might present an opportunity. What if I make a break for it then? Once Renzo leaves for the meeting, I can take off and be at the Nice airport before he gets home. I can be out of Europe before he even knows I’m gone. Do I want to leave?

Renzo will be furious. He won’t tolerate me leaving him. God only knows what kind of revenge he’ll take. My nipples harden at the thought, and I hate that it’s not just fear that stirs inside me. It’s excitement, too. But the revenge won’t just be in the bedroom, and that’s the problem. If it was just sex, I’d be all in, but there’s a danger he will want me dead. My leaving would be a betrayal in his view. I don’t want to hurt him. Shit. How stupid is that? I don’t want to hurt my husband…the vampire.

I sigh; the weight of the truth pressing down on me. I rub my eyes again, but I can’t make the thoughts go away. I’ve already fallen for Renzo. The vampire thing that used to repulse me now fascinates me, and if Idon’t leave now, I never will. And staying means signing my own death warrant. Renzo doesn’t age, and it’ll be noticeable if I’m still by his side while time touches me. Alone, he can keep the questions at bay longer.

I will not become a vampire. I don’t care if Renzo is happy to turn me. I won’t do it. The image of Nico and Luca drinking blood flashes through my mind, and my stomach churns. I can’t become that kind of monster. I’m surprised at how unbothered I am by the rest of it. Cutting off pinkies made me queasy at first, but now? Now it’s just business. I can be a monster—just not the blood-sucking kind.

If I stay, I’ll be pushed into the background, told to be a good little wife, all while having the fucking best sex with a man I’m drawn to and may be in love with. But I’ll also be on borrowed time. If I flee, I’ll have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life, never see my husband again—but I’ll live my way.

It’s a much harder choice than I thought it would be. Damn Renzo, and damn my ambition. The longer I stay, the harder it will be to leave. But if I don’t go, then Luna and Pippa won’t go either and they may have much darker outcomes than mine. I breathe out, the decision settling like lead in my chest. Decision made. Now I just have to figure out my next step.

Mia is awake.I can feel her turmoil; it’s distracting and strange. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed I can pick up on her moods, sometimes even her thoughts. And I can send her telepathic messages—not always, not everything, but enough to make me aware of this connection between us. One I didn’t count on. I’m not sure I like it. I’ve always wanted Mia, but I never thought I would actually fall for my wife. I thought of her as someone to fuck, to have under my control but not as an equal. It’s a jarring thought.

Earth to Renzo. Are you paying attention?Nico’s voice snaps into my mind, bringing me back to reality.

What did Esme find out?I ask, ignoring Nico’s dig.

My father’s voice, calm and authoritative, breaks the silence.Esme has asked her coven, but they aren’t sure who’s behind the poison. It’s a magickal potion, ancient and deadly. The ingredients are designed to weaken its target—in this case, vampires. The oldest members of her coven barely recognized the spell.

Someone really wants us dead,Luca comments, his voice edged with anger.Who hates us enough to dig up an old spell?

Is it just us?I ask, my gut tightening.Are others being targeted?

I’ve wondered the same,Father responds.It’s delicate. We can’t alert the other vampire kings until we’re sure. Once word gets out, we lose control of the narrative. If we announce what’s happened, we also announce that we’re vulnerable.

You mean Luca, Renzo, and I are vulnerable,Nico says, his tone sharp.You’re fine, aren’t you, Father?

There’s a hesitation that sends a chill through me.

Father, what is it?I demand.What happened?

Nothing serious, but someone did try to stab me at the Palazzo San Marco. They were quick and then vanished into the crowd. I couldn’t even track their scent—they masked it with something, maybe a spell.

Father, are you hurt?Luca asks, his voice tight with worry.You didn’t mention it. Where are you?

Luckily, I was wearing a thick sweater under my blazer. They nicked me, but there wasn’t enough poison to do any damage. I’m on my way to meet the witch elder who knew about the potion. Negotiations for an antidote are in progress, but you know witches—it’s always a negotiation.

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