Page 16 of Grave Matter

I shake my head, feeling strangely off-balance around him. “I thought you were going to call me Syd,” I say, but he continues to stare at me, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “Anyway, no. I didn’t take offense. The idea just bothers me for some reason.”

“Something I’d like to talk to you about during our sessions,” he says, holding his books to his chest. I stare at his large hands splayed across the covers, the veins on his forearms. The fact that we’ll have one-on-one sessions both thrills me and intimidates me. I want to be alone with him, but the idea that he’ll be poking around in my brain disturbs me. I want to stay a secret to him, shadowed and mysterious.

Yeah right, I tell myself.Like you’ve ever been shadowed and mysterious to anyone.

He continues to stare at me, enough that his grey gaze seems to unearth the ground beneath me. “Can I help you with something in particular?”

Oh, right. I didn’t even have a reason for wanting to talk to him.

Or did I?

“Were you spying on me last night?” I ask, immediately wincing at how that came out. “I mean, I saw you last night outside my window. Seems you were staring up at me.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “I was.”

“Oh?”

“Not the spying part, but I was outside the main lodge. I often have a walk before I turn in for the night. Checking for bears. Clearing my head. I suppose I happened to stop outside your window. I’ll try to be more mindful next time.”

“No,” I say quickly. “No, it was fine, I just…”

“Thought I was spying on you,” he fills in, giving me a quick smile. “Just what every professor needs.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” I say.

God, what the fuck is wrong with me?

I expect him to laugh, but instead his expression darkens, enough that my blood runs cold. “I think you would mind very much,” he says, his tone hard. Then he clears his throat, and his brow softens. “Is that all?”

Why am I stalling? I’ve already made things uncomfortable, but it seems I can’t leave his side.

“Amani,” I can’t help but say. “There was a girl on my plane named Amani.”

“Amani Farrokh?”

“I guess. I haven’t seen her since I arrived.”

He nods, his lips twisting in a somewhat apologetic smile. “Amani left early this morning on the first plane out. She wasn’t feeling well.”

I stare at him, blinking. “Wasn’t feeling well? Is she okay?”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he says. “Homesickness, I think. It can present itself in different ways.”

“But she seemed fine last night.”

The muscle in his jaw ticks, his gaze sharp. “You saw her last night? Where?”

“I was at the gazebo, and she came running out of the bushes. Told me to hurry up or I’d be late for dinner.”

His pupils dilate, like a black hole in the fog. “Are you sure?”

I frown. “Well, yeah I’m sure. Are you trying to make me feel crazy or something?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “No, I would never disregard your thoughts. It’s just surprising. Everly acts as the compound’s nurse, and she had given her a sedative and put her to bed early. I suppose Amani could have gone for a walk after…” He trails off, mind going over something. “Anyway, this morning, she was ready to go back home. It was good to see she was making the right choice.”

Something churns in my gut. Perhaps coffee on an empty stomach. “But she seemed so excited and happy to be here.”

“This happens more than you know,” he says sternly. “Every year, at least one student goes back. The isolation can be too much.”

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